Me, embracing my natural hair texture- frizzy.
Feministe ripped apart a pair of articles about how women should "settle" for men they don't particularly like or feel attracted to because ZOMG!marriage and ZOMG!dyingalonewithyourcats and other such things that feminism exists because of. (Honestly, a feminist's work is never done.) Actually, the first article was about the men you should settle for, including men with bad hygiene, the second is how to make yourself into someone a man will settle for. Did you know that being a successful woman puts you in the category of women men settle for? Neither did I. (Never, ever done.)
I would like to make a point about settling: it's seriously fucking disrespectful to the person you are settling for. It's hard to think of something more disrespectful.
I have been the settlee. I know? Shocking, right? I'm fabulous! I am the hawtness, mostly of the mind, and snarky and cynical and obsessed with sci fi and video games- who doesn't want that?
Ha! Well, lots of people, and that's okay. I don't want most people, either. That's why romantic love is special, because it is not something you can find with just anyone. Love isn't like finding a lab partner- you! you're breathing, get over here!- it requires so much more than just basic compatibility, although it requires that, too.
Anyway, I have been the settlee, and it sucks. It hurts to know that someone is constantly having to overlook what they don't like about you. Yes, I know, relationships always require overlooking flaws and annoying habits, but this is bigger and more basic than that. There was something about me, namely my face, that he just couldn't find beautiful. Oh, and my height, he preferred tall women. And my hair, brown is so common. And my breasts. They're really not all that large. At all*. I'm not a supermodel, but I do expect that the person who claims to love me and want to be with me would find me beautiful despite all that.
Settling hurts the person being settled for, and more than that, it deprives them of the opportunity to find someone who wouldn't be settling for them. Someone who looks at them and sees beauty, someone who loves their sense of humor, someone who considers their geekery a turn on instead of something to be overlooked. That's not kind at all. That's just selfishness. That's just saying I want companionship/sex/marriage/whatever and fuck what's good for zir, I'm getting what I want.
Yeah, just don't do that to people. It's not right.
*Basically, he wanted a cynical Victoria's Secret model with a sarcastic streak, raised on Star Trek. All I can say is good luck with that one, buddy.