Friday, December 11, 2009

Conservapedia, How Could I Have Forgotten Your Charm?

faith, conservapedia, andy,schlafly, religion, christian,
I can't believe I have stayed away from Conservapedia for so long. It's divine, inspired, so filled with lulz it could teach the world to sing while teaching this town how to dance at the same time.

Take for example, Conservapedia's article on faith. It's so fatuous, so asinine, so filled with bizarre and erroneous assumptions, I'm singing right now. O Canada . . .

Faith is a confidence or trust in the achievement of God's will, even though unseen and unexpected by non-believers. This being conservapedia, I can't tell if it's faith or god's will that is unexpected by nonbelievers, nor why "unexpected by nonbelievers" was even added.
Faith embodies more than belief. definition of faith: confidence or trust in a person or thing. and we're done. Faith elevates one's being, while belief is limited to a mental state or emotion. Faith implies a causal role by the believer in an outcome or in overcoming a personal fear. "an outcome"? so, if the souffle rises, that's faith? what does that even mean, Andy? Faith also implies advancement or accomplishment rather than wrongdoing, while belief implies neither. actually, faith has nothing to do with advancement, accomplishment or wrongdoing.

Faith plays a central role in overcoming addiction. no, it doesn't. Virtually everyone is plagued by one or more addictions unless you're defining "addiction" so broadly that one could say, "I am addicted to wearing pants", no, no we're not, and faith enables overcoming those weaknesses. addiction is a mental illness, not a weakness. fuck you, Andy. Similar to this is faith's key role in overcoming recidivism. i nearly choked on that one. This role is unique to Christian faith and has not been shown with regard to other religions' belief systems or to secular humanist ideologies. atheists are repeat offenders? oh, that's right, we're hardly even in jail at all.

Faith is also helpful in overcoming fear, such as fear of public speaking, appearing on television, or standing up to a bully or unpleasant situations. spiders, the no. 13, heights and cameron diaz! Jesus reprimanded the Apostles for their faithless fear: "The disciples went and woke him, saying, 'Lord, save us! We're going to drown!' He replied, 'You of little faith, why are you so afraid?' Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm." worst shorter ever.
Lack of faith can lead to fear, anxiety, depression and lack of confidence. for the love of . . . stop that, andy. it's not true, and you know it. A lack of faith can be very harmful, leading to self-destructive behavior. like reading conservapedia, no doubt. Faith can be described as the power to ignore the devil and all his antics. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

I now give you the apex of the article, which occurs at the end of the opening description to the main article:

Life itself may be the manifestation of God's faith. Decay and death may be the manifestation of a lack or denial of faith.

I enjoy the combination of the weasely "may be" with the ATHEISTS ARE THE REASON YOU GET SICK AND DIE!!!1!!!ELEVENTY!!!!

You never disappointment me, Andy. Thank you.




  2. He does disappoint me. He makes me think lower of the human race for being a part of it. (Though, granted, he’s not the one who writes everything at Conservapedia, just as with Wikipedia … but being the overlord of all that scum, it all falls back to him anyway.)

    I don’t get the Canadian anthem reference, though. If it has anything to do with faith, I’m not seeing it. ?_?

  3. Conservapedia's main goal seems to be to make conservatives cringe at being associated with it. He didn't mention some of the other great things about faith.

    Faith allows you to cheefully murder innocent people in the belief you are doing God's will.

    Faith can inspire you to blow yourself up, confident that your attempt to kill infidels will earn you a place in paradise.

    Faith is a great way to ignore troubling elements of reality that conflict with your religious beliefs. Faith lets you know that your beliefs are true, regardless of facts.

  4. as far as addiction...

    i am still totes addicted to oxygen, and thus far NO religion has even *tried* to formulate a 12-step for that!

  5. Conservapedia is a great example of my dictum that sincere tinfoilhat loonyism is not only indistinguishable from satire, but it is actually the same thing: when you're loony enough, it doesn't matter, even to you, if you're sincere or not. Case in point: the Conservapedia Bible Project.

  6. Oh boy. Someone's never heard of the Black Muslims.


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