Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Everything's Blasphemous!


not blasphemous

Everything is blasphemous to someone (except atheists. you can't blaspheme us.), so I find the concept of reviewing movies based on their blasphemy hilarious, and indicative of some people's deeply held desire to move to Massachusetts 400 years ago. Some of us read The Scarlet Letter and the records of the Salem Witch Trials and breathed a sigh of relief for having been born in more tolerant times, and some people apparently thought, "Good idea, they just got a few details about worshipping correctly wrong. " Those people frighten me.

Let's see what movies you won't be finding fundys at:

Eclipse: blasphemous content, "God!" or "Oh My God!" twice. Um, really, that's the most offensive thing in a movie about vampires and werewolves as written by Stephanie Meyer? Talk about forests and trees.

Grown Ups: blasphemous content, "God!" or "Oh My God!" 30 times. Seriously, somebody watched this movie and marked down each time someone said that. Also, for some reason, "Good Lord!" is a separate category of blasphemy, happening once in this movie.

Knight and Day: This movie stars Tom Cruise, but the big issue is apparently "Ch*ist!" said twice. That is how they wrote "christ" on the website. I cannot explain this to you.

Get Him to the Greek wasn't even reviewed. They just give you the phone number and address for Universal Pictures, apparently so you can complain to them about all the blasphemy you don't even know about.

Killers had too much blasphemy to count. Looking at the website, apparently their "reviewers" can't count about 30. We should have a telethon for that.

Marmaduke: Also blasphemous, though they were able to count it.

Sex and the City 2 received the same blasphemy rating as Marmaduke!

Ah, Christians, even movies about giant dogs can cause them to clutch their pearls with glee.


  1. Eclipse: blasphemous content, "God!" or "Oh My God!" twice. Um, really, that's the most offensive thing in a movie about vampires and werewolves as written by Stephanie Meyer? Talk about forests and trees.

    A buddy and I were talking about this over the weekend. The message of Twilight is basically that nothing a girl can have matters more than her virginity, stalking is love, and the proper job of a girl is to sit around and wait for a man to give her life meaning. I literally cannot think of a more appropriate message to give in an Evangelical Christian context.*

    Yet Twilight is bad because of vampires and werewolves and such. I guess that mean CS Lewis is out the window, too...

    *Not to say that I, personally, think it's an appropriate message. For that matter, other than the virginity thing, which I applied equally to guys and girls, I never would have thought such messages appropriate. Of course I always wanted a wife who was educated, capable, and chose me out of free will. So I guess I'm just crazy like that and always have been.

  2. That is Ray Comfort's site.

    The Focus on the Family version of the site, also has video games. You would love it.

  3. There's a whole bunch of sites like that. Most of them have full reviews of both movies and video games.

    Super Mario Bros is objectional because it doesn't offer a Biblically accurate view of the afterlife (the Ghost houses, yes, they have a problem with the frickin' Boos). Zelda was worse because it had references to gods that weren't Jesus.

    This was the product of me trying to see if they would find the most innocuous things I could think of offensive in some way. I wasn't disappointed.

  4. I could find nothing blasphemous with either of the pictures - guess I must be a True Atheist(TM).

    By the way, I do think that Sex and the City 2 is blasphemy to the gods of the movies and that Sarah Jessica Parker should be beaten to death with some Prada shoes as a blood sacrifice to appease them.

  5. Matt did you see the recent South Park with Sarah Jessica Parker?

    Matthew Broderick - "Obviously, I just think it's wrong to make fun of anybody's physical appearance. My wife is a beautiful woman and I know most people agree with me."

    Reporter - "And Matthew, how come a transvestite donkey witch is standing next to you and why is it wearing a dress?"

  6. nonono! PF, Geds would make a bad SparklePire! - whether or not he'd make a good or bad VAMPIRE is a different question.


    also: i hate you it isn't fair i FOUND that dress/shirt in my size except not because i need a breast reduction. sigh.


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