Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Unnaturally Revealing

It's like there's some sort of cycle when it comes to flaunting my breasts on this blog. Nothing will come up that demands it (I refuse to simply flaunt for no reason. Hell's a classy place, after all.) , and then several things in a row will force me to splash my breasts all over the internet.

Take for example, a new survey on modesty:

Administered by a Christian website, the survey questions were submitted by “Christian girls” who wanted to know what “Christian guys” think is modest. 1,600 guys then answered the survey, offering both quantitative and qualitative answers.

95% of those guys agree or strongly agree that modesty is an important quality in a future wife. How do they define modesty:

Something that is immodest is something that is designed to arouse lust within me (male, age 24).

Something that is immodest is something that is unnaturally revealing (male, age 20).

Something immodest draws attention to a girl’s body (male, age 28).

"Designed to arouse lust"? What does that mean? What if the clothing is not "designed" to arouse lust, but it does anyway? Does that count? How is that my problem, anyway? "Unnaturally revealing" is even worse. What is naturally revealing? "Draws attention to a girl's body"? As in . . . clothing?

Something attractive draws you toward them. It makes you respect the person. Something immodest is usually unattractive. It makes you think less of that person, thinking of them as an object… (male, age 16).

Actually, I shouldn't have to "make" you treat another human being with respect. You should be able to treat anyone, dressed any way with respect.

My responsibility is to not treat women as objects for my satisfaction, even if they dress and act like it. It devalues them, and makes me a user of people… (male, age 26).

Translation: I have to treat sluts like ladies, even if all they deserve is a gang rape in an alley. I'm not feeling generous.

So, to get more specific so we can ensure that male, age 16 and male, age 26 are treating us with respect, a breakdown of what is and is not unnaturally revealing:

Haltertops: 75% say are immodest

Miniskirts: 93% immodest

44% say decorative stitching on the back pockets of jeans are immodest

19% say a pocket on the chest of a shirt is immodest, 25% aren't sure whether that pocket is immodest or not.

Purses worn across the body are immodest to almost half of respondents. Seriously, you're calling for a burqa at this point, boys.

Tights with designs on them are too much for 39% of respondents.

Amost 50% feel a shirt with a design across the chest is immodest.

So, yeah, burqas.

But there's more. Modesty isn't just a matter of a loose, plain t-shirt, a long skirt and nonpatterned tights, it's behavior, too. A mental burqa, if you will.

An immodest lady is loud, proud, and dresses in a way that communicates such an attitude (male, age 24).

Something becomes immodest when the person wearing it has an attitude of carelessness (male, age 17).

If you are dressing to get attention from a guy, then anything you wear can be immodest (male, age 13; my emphasis).

Loud and proud are immodest. Carelessness is immodest. Anything at all is immodest. (Though to be fair, that last one is the opinion of a boy at an age where a blank sheet of paper can cause an erection.) Still, proud? Proud? Pride is immodest?

Walking, bending over to pick something up, stretching, breasts bouncing as you walk (mine do that, and they aren't big. this basically requires that women not move.), are all immodest. Why are you moving, girl?! What possible reason could you have for being so immodest? Get inside and stay there!

Check out this definition of immodesty:

Immodest: Screams that her body is different than mine. Attempts to manipulate me. Forcefully offers to trade what I want (in the flesh) for what she wants: attention (male, age 30).

Who wants to bet me $5 that this male, age 30, is a virgin and REALLY REALLY REALLY needs to get laid? Screams. Manipulate. Forcefully. Flesh. I don't need Freud to tell me what his problem is.

The bottom line here is simple. Despite Christian men's lip service to the idea that their lust is their problem, they put it on the women. Can you imagine trying to be modest according to the above rules? No pockets, no decorative stitching, no purse straps across the body. Walk modestly, if you drop something it is gone, and bind down your breasts with duct tape lest they bounce while you walk. Don't be loud, don't be proud, don't be anything at all.

Fuck that noise. You can't handle my immodest breasts and their normal reaction to gravity? Don't look.


  1. Well, according to male Christian standards, I'm doomed. Probably to their Hell. Where, assuming it did exist, I would be with all my friends and most of my family.

    But it seems that these "Christian" boys were "immodest" enough in their thoughts to be able to catalogue specific items of "immodesty".

  2. I have to say, this has become a pleasantly spathic blog.

  3. PF, Darling, what should I bring to our immodest and roasting in hell party. And can we invite nice guys who are going to roast in hell anyway? The ones who are obviously so misguided because they are not overly affected by back of pocket embroidery? The ones who evidently can control themselves? I never knew that being able to control yourself and take responsibility for your your own desires was a bad, bad thing. But evidently, it's just not Christian.

  4. All they need is the first one:
    The human body is designed by God to arouse lust within the opposite sex. This is immodest, so God obviously wants us all to be immodest. Problem solved.

    Ladies, dress slutty, it's God's will.

  5. My embroidered, (sinfully!)decorated butt, gently- (but persistently) jiggling tank-top-clad torso -- plus all those other naughty bits and pieces (slutty wrist or knee, anyone?) -- will be bringing cheesecake for dessert and a pitcher of Sex-on-the-Beach cocktails (hehe), to quaff with our wicked noms around the ol' bonfire.

  6. Deeply disturbing is the male-as-default in the 30-year-old's comment. "... her body is different than mine." Uh, yes, yes it is. And that's okay. No one ever said your body was the gold standard, buddy. That's just really, really creepy to me. "Her body is different than mine" and such a thing is immodest/bad/negative/shameful. That's a really, really horrific thought.

    If I weren't in the middle of hell on earth with work and NYC apartment lease problems, I'd write a complementary post. Perhaps later this week.

  7. *snicker* at Michael-I am a geologist...

  8. Michael is so totally coming to our party.

  9. Thanks. I was wondering if anyone would catch that.

  10. @Michael —

    -2 pts for making me look up a word. +5 pts for the pun. Now go to Hell. (You know, with all the fun, slutty-dressed women and s’mores and stuff. Will someone please damn me, too?)

  11. I just came across this blog and I'm really enjoying it!
    Thanks so much for opening my eyes about immodesty, too. Now I know how tempting it is for guys when I wear my purse in a way that makes it a little harder to snatch it.
    Poor Christian guys, they really need to get laid.

  12. Damn you, Joé McKen - you go to Hell. (Don't forget to bring beer.)

  13. @Michael —

    Bah, I piss in your beer. (Because that’s what it tastes like, really.) No, I’m bringing a cartload of Doritos (various flavors!), BBQ Ruffles, Fritos Hoops, and butterscotch ice cream. And a vat of Brisk Fruit Punch.

    You damned heathens had better enjoy.

  14. Bah, I piss in your beer. (Because that’s what it tastes like, really.)

    You really, really need to stop drinking that Molson Ice shit they have there in America's northern suburb. I'll bring a nice imperial stout with me so you can taste non-piss beer.

    Then I'll probably switch to a nice lager or weiss, because it'll be way to hot for a stout.

  15. Who's making the run to Dunkin' Donuts for iced coffee? I get a large, extra extra.

  16. Well, I'd come join you all in Hell, but I'm already in a hot, red place under the ground (from your perspective), so I [i]think[/i] I might already be there. Assuming that's right, you're all welcome to crash at my place while you're here.

    As far as immodesty goes: embroidered jeans? [i]Shirt pockets?[/i]

    This isn't about 'immodesty' or lust: it's about girls wearing guys clothes, having careers and doing or being anything other than a submissive dress-wearing housewife.

    To which I can only say: F*ck. That. Shit.

  17. It really does seem that they'd be happier with women wearing burqas, doesn't it? How pathetic! I suppose these Christians really do have much in common with their Muslim brethren.

  18. to add to the spathic atmosphere [double pun - te cleavage is not to be denied, but there's also the sparing with idiots - fighting. or is that pun only in my head?]
    anyway - due to lots and lots of factors, i'm generally naked.

    the irony here is, like in a Japanese sauna, my nakedness is so common, it's not noticed. but if i put on, say, a sundress, Pete's *very* happy *G*

  19. Wish I had something clever to add but my brain is very tired at the moment. :-) I am, however, 'carelessly' dressed in old jogging bottoms and an even older sweatshirt so I will stay inside where all of us women belong. ;-)

    I was really just commenting to let you know how much I love your blog. I only recently subscribed to it and it always gives me a good laugh. It never ceases to amaze me how uptight some of these fundies can be. Well, in spite of the giant nuisance they cause, at least they provide excellent comic material.

    Please do keep this blog going! I'd much rather be howling with laughter here 'Forever in Hell' than sitting grimly in a church somewhere with a stick up my ass. :-)


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