The Child Who Shouldn't Be Here

What the hell does "prolife" mean, anyway? Surely not what a combination of "pro" and "life" would imply, at least not if you pay attention to the attitudes and behaviors of those who claim the word "prolife" so proudly.

My sister-in-law got married Saturday. To please her husband's family, she converted to Catholicism and they were married in the Catholic church his family has attended for generations. This was almost two years after she and her (now) husband had a baby girl. That child (hereinafter "cutest toddler ever") was in attendance at the rehearsal dinner Friday, and by "in attendance", I mean "running around the private dining room squealing HI! at the walls, because that's how 21 month olds are". And we love that. Children are welcome at every celebration in our family, and they are welcome to be children. (Hence private dining rooms and such.)

Also in attendance was the priest performing the ceremony the next day. Who was apparently pretty bitter about being expected to perform the marriage of two nonvirgins. I say this because he repeatedly referred to the cutest toddler ever as "the child who shouldn't be here." At first, we assumed he was against a toddler attending a rehearsal dinner. We found this attitude baffling as we love having all the children in the family at celebrations. It's just not a celebration without them.

It took me a while to realize that this priest, you know, the representative of the organization so prolife they're opposed to condoms, meant the child who shouldn't exist at all. As in the old meaning of the word "bastard". As in, sins of the fathers being visited to the children for seven generations.

As in, a prolifer looking at a gorgeous, happy child, much loved by her family, and seeing something wrong, something offensive, something that shouldn't be.

He's lucky he didn't end up with my fork in his eye.

If my sister-in-law had decided to have an abortion instead of carrying the pregnancy to term, I would have supported her in that decision. But, now that the child is here, she is my family and I love her. I am prochoice, but I will never look at a child and see shame.

Incredibly, the next day, part of the ceremony included an admonition to "accept all the children God gives you." Honestly, I felt like adding "unless that child is born out of wedlock and then we won't accept her. Ever."

I have a very hard time calling these people prolife when it seems they only honor the life they cannot see.

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Marginally related side note.

A photo booth at a wedding reception is an amazingly good time. It was busy the entire reception, everyone was in and out of there multiple times (myself, I think 15 times), and the bride and groom get copies of all the pictures, which I'm sure will result in uncontrollable laughter. (There were props!)

The bride left a bucket filled with flip flops by the door at the reception. Within 30 minutes, every woman at the reception was wearing matching flip flops. It was a fantastic idea and we all really appreciated it. (And every single recent bride asked why she didn't think of that.)

The bride also filled up baskets for the restrooms. The woman's basket had tums, advil, tampons, hairspray, nail files, hair pins, a comb, toothbrushes, toothpaste, dental floss, safety pins, a first aid kit, deodorant and a sewing kit. I'm told the men's room was similarly stocked. By the end of the night, most of that did get used. It was a fantastic idea that made all the guests feel very welcome and cared for.