Monday, August 30, 2010

The Truth Is Poorly Punctuated

Dear Unbeliever:

HOW CAN YOU KNOW JESUS REALLY IS GOD???

there have been many people who have claimed to be a god and many who claimed they were this or they were that but there Has ONLY BEEN ONE ...that has ever PROVED He was and Is GOD

and of course...That would be Jesus


Well, whatever else belief might do for you, it certainly doesn't improve grammar. Or clarify thought in any way. "there Has ONLY BEEN ONE" had me looking around for a guy with a sword and a poor imitation of a Scottish accent. Then I wept at the use of ellipses.

but let's start with this


hokay.

Ya

Really? "Ya" was so much easier to type than "you" that you just had to go with it? Gah!

get up in the middle of night...You walk into Your Living Room....there is brand new furniture ...Tv, love seat, couch, end tables, carpet, paint ...all stylishly set in place..way beyond your skills

Okay. So I'm totally freaked out right now. I get up, in the middle of the night, to discover that a roving band of decorators has broken into my home and redecorated my living room. (It's the Gay Agenda!) Yeah, I'm calling 911.

would it not be logical to ask "Who did this?" Did all that EVOLVE in the room?

*headdesk* No, it would not be logical to question evolution at this moment. It would be logical to a) change the locks and enjoy your new living room, or b) call the police.

So you start to inquire...Who Put this here?

Yes, I would wonder that. I might also wonder, "Can I get them back here to do the bedroom?"

And so should it be that each and every day as you wake up and see this world, the sunrise, the grass the trees ..the many many gazillion things that are lined up shouting to You that SOMEONE put all those things Here AND shouts for You to ask this following question

who Put You and I here?

Who taught you capitalization and grammar? That's what I would like to know. Then I want that person shipped to Gitmo for crimes against humanity.

If you honestly ask that question? It will lead to want to Know The Answer

Is nothing safe from your misunderstanding of simple punctuation?

Jesus came to this earth ...born of a virgin...lived a sinless life ....peformed many many documented miracles....and testified to all who would Listen that He was and Is and Is to come..that He is The Way, The Truth and the Life and said listen to this...to prove or authenticate my message to You Unbeliever and all the World...

Okay, "documented" does not mean what you think it means. If documentation does mean that, then I would like to use this opportunity to document that I spent the weekend raising the dead.

I will take the Sins of all mankind upon Me...You will kill me BUT three days later I will be Alive Again and He that Believes upon Me will NEVER Perish but live eternally

I'm assuming this is no longer the "writer" talking. This thing has more perspective shifts than a Twilight fanfic. (Still better than the real thing.)

And that's exactly what happened...2,000 years ago, Jesus Christ was Hung on a Cross for the Sins of the Whole World, It was a brutal event and one of great documentation, But NOT Only did Jesus Christ die, He did something ELSE...

Documentation does not mean that! Stop it!

While an armed guard stood watch over his gravesite...Jesus walked out of that guarded area three days later, JUST AS HE SAID HE WOULD and that empty tomb shouts a message for the whole world to hear...JESUS IS LORD OF LORDS AND KING OF ALL KINGS AND HE IS YOUR CREATOR

I can has proof?

So there you have it Unbeliever...a very simple message..I could sit here and debate for hours but It all boils down to this....You are Alive!!! and Your life is a gift that was given to You by a Loving Creator...Who made you to wake up and ask "who put me Here? then through seeking to find the Answer You would realize that His Name is JESUS....all of Creation and an Empty Tomb Testify He is GOD"

No, you couldn't debate this for hours, unless by debate you mean "assault with bad grammar and punctuation."

Unbeliever, I pray you Hear these words and Believe them and I pray you take the next step....the Bible says If You believe in Your Heart that Jesus Christ died and then three days later rose from the Grave and You confess that Faith out loud to someone ..anyone ...You will be SAVED....WILL YOU????!"

No. No, I will not accept poorly punctuated and creatively capitalized assertions of fact as evidence of anything.

Good luck next time.

16 comments:

  1. The writing reminds me of the those dreadful Victorian romantic novels-especially the capitalization.

    BTW, as far as I know, there exists no verification of any of these alleged "miracles" in the historical record.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I want to add to your documentation, although I have never met you, I had a vision of you that said you had been raising the dead this past weekend. And since we agree that means the vision had to be true.

    ReplyDelete
  3. @ Jennifer - yeah, and you'd think that someone would have made a note about all those dead guys walking around, wouldn't you?

    ReplyDelete
  4. BeamStalk: Amazing! Now all we need to do is get 20 other people to write vaguely dissimilar accounts of this miraculous event and we're golden!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Funny you mention that you need more people to write about your exploits, PF, because both my cat and I had sudden realizations that you were raising the dead around 3:30 a.m. yesterday, when neither of us could fall asleep.

    So, counting your first person account, we're up to FOUR now. Only about sixteen to go.

    ReplyDelete
  6. and that empty tomb shouts a message for the whole world to hear.

    We need to find that empty tomb, and make it STFU.

    ReplyDelete
  7. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  8. PF: I was just looking through some old Nostradamus rantings erm, I mean, writings and it seems he accurately predicted your raising the dead this weekend. You have now fulfilled prophecy!

    /ht DM

    ReplyDelete
  9. So, miracles, 5 disciples, independent visions and fulfillment of prophecy? I'm so set!

    ReplyDelete
  10. @PF –
    Make that 6 followers, dearie. ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  11. and look, i was having TERRIBLE nightmares last night, until a ghost woke me up, it said "Liz, Liz, don't be afraid - your internet-girl-crush-and-favorite-hero PF [except it used the your first name] sent me to wake you up, because she KNEW you were having nightmares!"
    and i was sort of not all there, but i said "well, why is she sending GHOSTS??!"
    and the ghost said "Well, she doesn't hate you - it's not like you're Ray Comfort or anything - so she didn't want to scare you with a zombie. i'm a ghost, i can't touch you."
    at which point, Pete woke up and said "Honey, it's really nice that your internet friends want to help you out, but do they HAVE to do it at 3:30am when i WORK TOMORROW?! i'm sure it's a very NICE ghost, but i'm SLEEPING here!"
    and the ghost apologized and tried to give me some hot chocolate, but it was ghost hot chocolate, so i couldn't touch it. but it's the thought that counts!

    ReplyDelete
  12. which brings your tally up to 8...

    ReplyDelete
  13. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Is it just me, or should DM be banned from commenting? I mean, hell, I've had some of these useless bastards - you can't stop them, all you can do is kick them out..

    ReplyDelete
  15. @Nameless Cynic –

    He would be, if Blogger comments didn’t suck arse in the editorial control area. Can’t block or filter anything automatically; you can only either delete comments after they’ve been posted or submit all comments to moderation and screen then there.

    Hence why most Blogger users have turned/are turning to 3rd party systems such as Disqus … *nudges PF*

    ReplyDelete
  16. Is it too late to mention that while asleep at my desk this morning I too had a vision about the dead being raised and chasing me through the laundromat and that it might well have been PF who raised them?

    ReplyDelete

Comments are for you guys, not for me. Say what you will. Don't feel compelled to stay on topic, I enjoy it when comments enter Tangentville or veer off into Non Sequitur Town. Just keep it polite, okay?

I am attempting to use blogger's new comment spam feature. If you don't immediately see your comment, it is being held in spam, I will get it out next time I check the filter. Unless you are Dennis Markuze, in which case you're never seeing your comment.

Creative Commons License
Forever in Hell by Personal Failure is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at foreverinhell.blogspot.com.