Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Overheard on the Bus

Normally, people on the 8:00 bus are comatose, even the teenagers going to the high school, but this morning was different. Maybe it was the 15˚ (-9˚C) weather or the 18 days left till Christmas, but people were talking- about god.

Conversation 1:

One woman was talking to another woman about the Sunday night service at her church. She didn't mention the name of the church, but they're apparently large enough and/or rich enough to afford local TV ads. This service was special in that it featured a talk given by a white woman from Africa ("She's from Africa- but she's white!"), who continually interrupted herself because she was "moved by the spirit to say things about [people in the crowd]."

Fortunately, the woman listening voiced the same questions that popped into my mind: what things? Well, this speaker magically knew that "someone" was having marriage problems and "someone" else was having financial difficulties and yet another person had a family member struggling with addiction. No, she didn't point to a specific person and say, "Jim, I know you're wife is cheating on you with the blond intern, but she'll realize the error of her ways in 67 days and all will be well."

That's right kids, this woman was terribly impressed that, dealing with a crowd of several hundred people, the speaker was able to guess that at least three people had three extremely common problems.Colour me unimpressed, but the woman relating this tale couldn't have been more amazed.*

Conversation 2:

A man gets on the bus and says to the bus driver, apropos of absolutely nothing at all, "Do you know the truth?"

Mind you, this is a city bus, so "the truth" could be anything from Jesus to the Templars implanting listening devices in the speaker's teeth. Accordingly, the bus driver was noncommittal.

"There is a god in heaven. That's right, there's a heaven to look forward to and a hell to avoid and Jesus is the only way to do that."

Perhaps hoping to end the conversation, the bus driver replies, "Oh, yeah, I already knew that."

Of course, there's no stopping these sorts once they get started, so he proceeded to ramble on about how he walked from Pennsylvania to Los Angeles for Jesus. Well, actually he accepted a lot of rides, usually from the police trying to get him off the interstate, but he did it for Jesus!

So, that was my morning, now with 98% more Jesus!

*Sometimes I wonder if it's really worth my morals not to stop struggling financially and just suck these sorts of people dry, but, contrary to popular belief, I'm not actually evil. Well, not that evil, anyway.


  1. I'm enjoying the bus driver, who clearly is onto something. And wow, there are white people in Africa? Really? I guess the best we can say is that the bus ride allows for viewing that little slice of life you could do without...

  2. Marriage problems, addiction, and financial problems? Bleep, John Edwards is more convincing than that!

    a) even people with perfect marriages will complain about the argument they had two months ago if you convince them they're having marriage problems. Also: extremely common.
    b) addiction: same as a).
    c) financial problems? Re. Ces. Sion. Recession. Also, same as a).

    And the second man sounds like a living waters disciple. Remember, if you're not shouting hellfire at random strangers, you're probably a false convert!

  3. Well she's obviously some kind of magical, mystical hotline to Jesus type of woman if she's white and from Africa.

  4. White people in Africa? Prince Harry is going to be shocked...

  5. I'm a white African. Born in Zimbabwe. I have no magic powers.

  6. cs, the fact that you immediately state that you do not have magic powers leads me to suspect you have magic powers.

    I'll be keeping an eye out. e_e


Comments are for you guys, not for me. Say what you will. Don't feel compelled to stay on topic, I enjoy it when comments enter Tangentville or veer off into Non Sequitur Town. Just keep it polite, okay?

I am attempting to use blogger's new comment spam feature. If you don't immediately see your comment, it is being held in spam, I will get it out next time I check the filter. Unless you are Dennis Markuze, in which case you're never seeing your comment.

Creative Commons License
Forever in Hell by Personal Failure is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at foreverinhell.blogspot.com.