freejinger, fundamentalism, fundy, patriarchy, abuse
I found Free Jinger (why did no one tell me about this?!) this weekend. For the most part, I am thrilled, but they have provided me with endlessly disturbing glimpses at fundyness I didn't even know existed. I, Personal Failure, found mind blowing fundynsanity. Proceed with caution, people.
7xsunday.net is a horror show run by people well respected in certain fundy circles, including Gabriel Anast and his wife, Rebekah.
This is the kind of advice fundy women are receiving.
I am a regular member but I am choosing to post anonymously because I fear
I will be ridiculed and shamed for my behavior. My husband, who I love dearly,
has been very aggressive with the kids and I lately. It has gotten worse over
the past several weeks. He has been accusing me of seeing other men. He
belittles me in front of the children. He has spit in my face at the dinner
table when my cooking was not up to standards. I have been so terribly stressed
that my mind was not on my cooking!
I fear he is sending the wrong message to the children. I know he is knows
what is best for my family but my son needs to learn that a firm hand comes with
a gentle message. But there is no message! He is full of rage and jealousy. I
don't know if I can take much more. Do I stand up to my husband? I feel like I
should but I am filled with shame because of it. There is much I feel I can't
reveal here because I do not want to bring humiliation to my family, even though
we are only speaking over the internet it feels like I will be bringing more
shame... I am so lost
This. Is. Abuse. You need to leave. He is absolutely giving your children ideas- that abusing women is okay. That being abused is okay. You need to leave. Now. This will only get worse.
Unfortunately, nobody asked the atheist.
You mention your husband believes you have been seeing another man, or
men. Has there been a specific situation or situations that he might have
It is your fault. Can't be the man's fault, must be yours.
Certainly, a man can get the wrong idea, all on his own... but often there can
be one or two "coincidental" situations that give him pause. As he mulls
the situations over and over, these can build in his mind - to a level that
leaves him desperately hoping his wife has not "stepped out."
He got the wrong idea, and that's your fault.
Of course, as wives, we are to guard our husbands hearts diligently -
from real, or perceived, indiscretions.
It doesn't matter whether or not you've done anything, it's your fault.
They are to know their wives will not do them "evil" all the days of her
life. Proverbs 31:11-1211The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so
that he shall have no need of spoil. 12She will do him good and not evil all the
days of her life. For a husband who truly believes there may have been an
indiscretion, this is a HUGE blow, on so many levels. It likely leaves him
with a variety of feelings... Men don't like to be hurt (neither do we),
they don't like to be out of "control" (neither do we), they don't like to give
someone the opportunity to betray their trust (neither do we!) The
feelings of betrayal, jealousy, hurt, wounded pride... often melt down into the
"safety" of only feeling anger and resentment.This would then come to the
question of how to establish trust again... ??
Regardless of circumstances, I agree with Siege - The Lord can fix even the
I wonder how RunAmokFarm will feel when this woman ends up in the hospital or dead because of her advice.
Gabriel Anast steps up to the plate with:
FYI... not that a situation like the one that the OP posted couldn't happen...
but it doesn't seem likely that this specific story is true due to the fact that
the opening statement (I am a long time member, etc) appears to be false.
Actually, Gabriel, she says that she used a different screen name to prevent anyone from knowing who she is, but even if this is a troll, look at the advice she got. Shameful. (Of course, we are talking about the same man who quit his job while his wife was pregnant to study the Bible. And then asked for donations.)
The advice (from Rebeka) just gets worse:
So, if you are A) guilty of infidelity or B) just a flirt... your husband feels
the fact that he doesn't have your heart... that he isn't THE MAN for you. When
Israel left God to follow after other gods... God called this "whoring" and was
so angry that He describes His own wrath as "cannot be quenched."In this case I
recommend that you come to your husband in absolute repentance and humility and
confess before him something along these lines (whatever your sin may be:) "I
confess I am a flirt, and that this is terribly wrong, and I ready to work on
"being yours only." I want to be YOUR wife, and I want to please you. I pray
that you can forgive me for being a flirt, and restore me as your wife... and
gently help with this if I seem to be doing something that jeopardizes
this." If your husband is willing to let you stay, then praise God and
commit yourself to becoming a "keeper at home" in both heart and actions. Ask
God for grace... He is faithful to give it.
Yes, your husband has a right to spit in your face if you so much as look at another man. You should beg your abuser for forgiveness. See you in the morgue!
Suppose you really never, ever looked at another man ever? Well, you can leave, but you'll be screwing up your children.
There is (IMO) place for a woman to leave a man that abuses her and the
children simply because he is a mean godless man. However, leaving a mean and
harsh man is not always the best move either in these times. It's tough out
there for a woman. If your husband has any qualities of providing for you, and
making place for you at all... then I'd recommend first asking God to stand on
your behalf and make a way for you to stay married to this hard man. Your
children are safer with a hard father (I don't mean an abusive one) than they
are with no father.
. . .
There is no point (that I can find in the Bible) in "standing up to your
husband." Either stay, and figure out how to make it work, or leave and find a
That's right, there's nothing in the Bible about women having rights or deserving respect. No, that's actually true. Which is probably why fundamentalism is so very, very dangerous.