Anyway, the Boot Camp for Girls (previously discussed here) has a "final exam" up, so I thought I'd take it and see if I still have it.
Attention, Girls! The exam is open-book, take-home, more homework than test, and more guidance than testing. Completion will make you unique among female peers.
Oooh! Unique! I feel special already!
Boyfriend has a greatest fear. You can avoid yours by helping prevent his. Do you?
Is it spiders? Because that's what my greatest fear is. Is there any place on earth that doesn't have spiders? *whips out some googlefu* Hmmm, Antarctica. Well, that's a little extreme even for me, so no, I don't.
Commitment makes a man use his head about you. Devotion makes a man use his heart about you. Which do you prefer?
That's like asking if I want chocolate or strawberries. Fuck that, I'm dipping the strawberries in the chocolate and calling it a party.
You habitually seek Full Disclosure under the mistaken idea that it bonds a couple. Not so! In fact, you tell boyfriends far too much about yourself, don’t you?
I am a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a black sheet. I haven't even told my husband my name. He's not entirely certain where I live. I am the ninja of relationships! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
Female qualities generate attractiveness for more than sex. Do you possess enough of the right virtues?
Is snarkiness a virtue? What about the ability to raise only one eyebrow?
Feminine mystique captures the kind of male attention that more easily turns into devotion. Do you capitalize on mystery?
Happiness flows from gratitude. Are you grateful enough?
I . . . what definition of happy is that?
Relationships often split over misuse of two terms, ‘compete’ and ‘cooperate’. How do they work successfully in male/female relationships?
In male/female romantic relationships, male/female work relationships, male/female friendships? Do be more specific.
Prettiness, self-confidence, and happiness shine from the mirrors in your life. Have you put it all together yet?
Yes! I am the prettiest frog in this entire pond! I hear the loons!
Some female personality traits turn off males and shift their focus from you as person to you as sex object. Are you guilty?
Sure. Now who wants to punish me?
Teen sex shapes an adult’s life. Have you figured out how to handle it? Can you fulfill your hopes and dreams in adult life?
20 years later, I think I'm okay.
Female uniqueness starts with female modesty. Are you unique enough? You become embarrassed under certain circumstances. Do you appreciate what a blessing that is?
You know you’re pretty, but can you be sure? Yes!
Oh, thank you creepy, misogynist, binary gender complimentarian! Truly, I needed your assurance, man who has never seen me before, that I'm pretty. Now I can truly live!
So, how'd I do?
*Now I play video games and work on achievements, and feel absurdly accomplished when I get one. Same thing, different format.