Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Oooh! A Test! Did I Pass?

Yes, I was one of the freaky weirdos who liked tests. Because I test well and tests were always a nice pat on the head for me. And really, I didn't have a whole lot going on in the whole self esteem department, so there you go*.

Anyway, the Boot Camp for Girls (previously discussed here) has a "final exam" up, so I thought I'd take it and see if I still have it.

Attention, Girls! The exam is open-book, take-home, more homework than test, and more guidance than testing. Completion will make you unique among female peers.

Oooh! Unique! I feel special already!

Boyfriend has a greatest fear. You can avoid yours by helping prevent his. Do you?

Is it spiders? Because that's what my greatest fear is. Is there any place on earth that doesn't have spiders? *whips out some googlefu* Hmmm, Antarctica. Well, that's a little extreme even for me, so no, I don't.

Commitment makes a man use his head about you. Devotion makes a man use his heart about you. Which do you prefer?

That's like asking if I want chocolate or strawberries. Fuck that, I'm dipping the strawberries in the chocolate and calling it a party.

You habitually seek Full Disclosure under the mistaken idea that it bonds a couple. Not so! In fact, you tell boyfriends far too much about yourself, don’t you?

I am a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a black sheet. I haven't even told my husband my name. He's not entirely certain where I live. I am the ninja of relationships! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Female qualities generate attractiveness for more than sex. Do you possess enough of the right virtues?

Is snarkiness a virtue? What about the ability to raise only one eyebrow?

Feminine mystique captures the kind of male attention that more easily turns into devotion. Do you capitalize on mystery?

MySTerY? Mystery?

Happiness flows from gratitude. Are you grateful enough?

I . . . what definition of happy is that?

Relationships often split over misuse of two terms, ‘compete’ and ‘cooperate’. How do they work successfully in male/female relationships?

In male/female romantic relationships, male/female work relationships, male/female friendships? Do be more specific.

Prettiness, self-confidence, and happiness shine from the mirrors in your life. Have you put it all together yet?


Some female personality traits turn off males and shift their focus from you as person to you as sex object. Are you guilty?

Sure. Now who wants to punish me?

Teen sex shapes an adult’s life. Have you figured out how to handle it? Can you fulfill your hopes and dreams in adult life?

20 years later, I think I'm okay.

Female uniqueness starts with female modesty. Are you unique enough? You become embarrassed under certain circumstances. Do you appreciate what a blessing that is?

Ahem. Unique: Being the only one of its kind, Without an equal or equivalent; unparalleled. "Unique" is a superlative. Just as one cannot be "best enough", one cannot be "unique enough". One is unique or one is not.


You know you’re pretty, but can you be sure? Yes!

Oh, thank you creepy, misogynist, binary gender complimentarian! Truly, I needed your assurance, man who has never seen me before, that I'm pretty. Now I can truly live!

So, how'd I do?




*Now I play video games and work on achievements, and feel absurdly accomplished when I get one. Same thing, different format.

10 comments:

  1. Commitment makes a man use his head about you. Devotion makes a man use his heart about you. Which do you prefer?

    I can't even begin to fathom what this is supposed to mean. And, I mean, aren't commitment and devotion a sort of yin and yang thing, as opposed to a mutually exclusive thing?

    Do words matter any more?

    Some female personality traits turn off males and shift their focus from you as person to you as sex object.

    Apparently not. Glad we cleared that up.

    Although it's nice to know that sex objects are now regarded as a turn off as opposed to a turn on. Up is down, black is white, hot is cold, and all is right with the world.

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  2. I play video games to get lost in the fictional world of the game. I find acheivements a tad bit distracting to be honest. I made Commander Shepard use "Throw" 75 times, big whoop! I guess its probably because I'm used to play games on Nintendo consoles where acheivements do not exist.

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  3. I think achievements are stupid. I'm also now seriously considering going to war with the Netherlands, who have been a peaceful, somewhat reliable ally throughout the current round of Empire: Total War I'm playing. Why? Because I own all but two territories in the Americas, they won't trade them to me even when I offer extra territory in Europe and India, along with several advanced technologies and cash in trade. And why am I doing this? Because I want the damn achievement that comes from owning all of the Americas.

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  4. I think achievements are stupid, too, but that doesn't stop me from doing some really odd things to get one.

    Not that I play for achievements, but if I know an achievement is there, I'll do what it takes to get it.

    Including kicking Ghandi's ass.

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  5. Been playing Civ V, have we now?

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  6. i miss playing WoW. which isn't the same thing you guys are talking about, but still...

    i miss playing WoW.

    speaking of WOW - where was the "test"? it appears to me a series of statements about what this guy believes, with a "question" as to whether his granddaughter is fulfilling his statements - and no right answer, because it's THAT subjective.

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  7. Commitment makes a man use his head about you. Devotion makes a man use his heart about you. Which do you prefer?

    Well, at least one definition of commitment is synonymous with at least one definition of devotion, so... oh wait, "head" or "heart"? Head. Definately head. The heart is a freaking useless blood pump. If it weren't for that whole 'keeping me alive' thing I'd do away with it entirely.

    You habitually seek Full Disclosure under the mistaken idea that it bonds a couple.

    Well, there are some thing's I wouldn't need or want to know about, in the interests of nightmare avoidance. But excluding those things, yes: full disclosure is good. More data = more reliable mental image of significant other = better able to predict what would make my significant other happy/not unhappy. I'm an INTJ, I thrive on data.

    "I am a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a black sheet. I haven't even told my husband my name. He's not entirely certain where I live. I am the ninja of relationships! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!"

    You call youself a ninja? My girlfried has never even seen me! She doesn't even know we're togeth... okay, that came out a lot less flippant and a lot more stalker-ish than I had previously planned.

    "Female qualities generate attractiveness for more than sex. Do you possess enough of the right virtues?"

    "Is snarkiness a virtue? What about the ability to raise only one eyebrow?"

    True fact: I deliberately practiced raising-only-on-eyebrow in front of a mirror for hours as a kid, because it didn't come naturally to me. To this day, I can do a brilliant eyebrow-raise with my right eyebrow, but am utterly incapable of raising my left.

    "Prettiness, self-confidence, and happiness shine from the mirrors in your life."

    Also, if you cut off the top of my head, rainbows and unicorns and diabetes come pouring out the hole.

    "Some female personality traits turn off males and shift their focus from you as person to you as sex object. Are you guilty?"

    Okay, there's so much wrong with this statement, from the homogenizing of male fetishes to the heavy-handed implication that being sexy is a turn off.

    Nevertheless I, with my thin figure, soft facial features, pretty blue eyes and long dark-blonde hair (well, okay, semi-long. I just haven't had it cut in a while), am totally guilty. [sexy hair-toss] It's a shame I'm male.

    You become embarrassed under certain circumstances. Do you appreciate what a blessing that is?

    He's right, being deathly afraid of showing more than 30% skin is such a blessing. If I was capable of swimming without a shirt I would have become such a degraded manslut. I am truly blessed.

    You know you’re pretty, but can you be sure? Yes! ...

    ... by calling for double blind trials and checking for statistical non-homogeny in the sample set.

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  8. Boyfriend has a greatest fear. You can avoid yours by helping prevent his. Do you?

    "Hmmm... well, Grandpa, his fear is erectile dysfunction. Mine is getting pregnant or an STD. But you know, even though you've tried to prevent it, I've learned that there are these things called condoms... So, yes?"

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  9. "What about the ability to raise only one eyebrow?"

    Ahh but can you alternate between raising each eyebrow? And can you smell what the Rock is cooking?

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  10. oh, i get the "Full Disclosure" one, now - see, "granddaughter", GIRLS are supposed to stay virgins for forever, but BOYS have to, HAVE to, have sex to become men. and so DON'T ASK, because you don't want to know that HE got to have lots of hot wild premarital sex whild you didn't, because you'll be angry and jealous, and we ALL know that girls aren't allowed to be angry or jealous, especially about sex!




    asshole

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