The Brick Testament, bringing the Bible back to its roots.
This is a rather excited defense of the King James Bible (arguably the worst translation of the Bible), which doesn't actually address why that version is better than any other version, but does contain this:
God wants us to live by EVERY WORD that proceeds out of His mouth...which is why it is SO important that we have an EVERY WORD Bible. It is soooo sad that Christians are falling for Satan's cruel and brilliant plan, to take away the ONE offensive weapon we have (THE SWORD) in our spiritual armor, and replacing it with something that looks kind of the same, sounds kind of the same, seems to have the same IDEAS, so it must be the same. Read Esp.6, "Put on the WHOLE armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil". Loins girt about with truth, breastplate of righteousness, feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace, shield of faith, helmet of salvation (these are all defensive) and our one offensive weapon is THE SWORD OF THE SPIRIT WHICH IS THE WORD OF GOD.
This is the "All caps makes it TRUE" style of argumentation, but the central argument is that God wants us to live by every word in the Bible. Every word. Even the words that contradict other words.
You know, Adam died the moment he tasted the fruit of the Tree of Life and the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, Gen 2:17, and he died 930 years later, Gen 5:5. Years were shorter then? I have no idea.
John 14:6- The only way to God is through also God Jesus. Acts 10:34-35- anyone who fears God in the right way is acceptable to him. So, belief in Jesus is necessary or not?
Genesis 6:6. Exodus 32:14, Numbers 14:20, I Samuel 15:35, II Samuel 24:16 God changes his mind.
Numbers 23:19-20, Isaiah 15:29, James 1:17 God does not change his mind.
So . . . does God or does God not change his mind?
In Genesis, Abraham has two sons, Isaac and Ishmael. In Hebrews, Abraham is set to sacrifice his only son. So, what, 1=2? That might help explain how Adam lived to be 930 years old- after he died.
In the ninth chapter of Exodus, God destroys all the cattle. All of them, including the horses. Apparently, Egypt went on quite the cattle buying spree, or there was quite a long time in between plagues, because in the twelfth chapter of Exodus, God kills all the first born cattle. How were there any first born cattle after all the cattle were killed? He killed dead cattle? lolwut?
Then, in Exodus 14, Pharaoh pursues the Israelites on horseback- dead horseback. That's right, Pharaoh was pursuing the Israelites on zombie horses.
You know, I have about 14 pages of book done so far, and in my latest reread, I noticed that, for no apparent reason, the main character, Lucia, switches from calling the Devil "Lucifer" to "Satan". There's no instory reason for it. What happened was I wrote the scene between Lucia and Lucifer first, then went back and put in the beginning of the story. Because I wrote the two about a week apart, I forgot what I had already been calling the Devil. Once I read the two pieces together, I noticed it.
That's what happens when you write stories, you get inconsistencies. The Bible is a collection of stories written by many different people over many centuries. It's not surprising that there are inconsistencies. I couldn't keep one character's name straight over 14 pages written in the space of one week. What this definitely proves however, is that the Bible is not the word of some omnipotent being, whom I would expect to be better able to keep track of such things than me.
I have seen some pretty interesting defenses of these inconsistencies, though not the one involving the Twice Dead Zombie Horses of Pharaoh*. For example, Adam was dead to God when ate the fruit, he didn't physically die until 930 years later. Uh huh.Or the Bible isn't divinely inspired. Occam's Razor, people. Live it, love it.
*I call that as my next book's name right now.
Oooh, this one is a big juicy morsel that must also be blogged upon by me.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I've heard these crazy explanations of why the KJV is the ONLY(caps make it true) non-heretical translation there is. The 1611 version mind you. A lady at the church I used to and still half-heartedly attend is a KJV only proponent. If it was good enough for Paul(St. Paul that is) it's good enough for her. Not kidding!
ReplyDeleteI must name my band "Twice Dead Zombie Horses of Pharaoh". I must. I don't even have a band, but I will build one just for this.
ReplyDeleteI'm looking forward to FC's near-fisking of that post. Things that jumped out at me:
ReplyDelete1. They don't suppose that the fact that the KJV isn't copyrighted has something to do with the fact that (a) the KJV translation predates copyright laws and (b) it's sufficiently old that any copyright would have expired by now anyway?
2. They do understand that the reason newer translations admit certain verses/passages is that since 1611, we've found manuscripts that are older than the ones used by the KJV translators and that those manuscripts don't contain those verses/passages, don't they? Or that modern translations differ today because our understanding of Greek, Hebrew, and Aramaic has evolved since 1611?
3. I find it hard to believe that God cared about "even punctuation" when ancient Hebrew (not sure about Greek or Aramic) writings didn't have punctuation.
Oh, also, anyone who has read the first chapter of John knows that "the Word of God" isn't referring about the Bible, anyway. Because, you know, the Word of God became flesh.
ReplyDeleteWell, Jarred, considering the Twice Dead Zombie Horses of Pharaoh (it's mine! all mine!), perhaps the Word was made flesh- a nice book made out of human skin. You know, like a grimoire!
ReplyDeleteJarred, slow day at work means you get my snark about 6 hours sooner. Its up.
ReplyDeleteSweet! I kept loading your page and being all disappointed. I was sadness. :(
ReplyDeleteDo a search: First the scandal.
ReplyDeleteif it helps, and if i'm remembering it all right:
ReplyDeleteAbraham was the one who was somehow barren with his wife, Sarah, and was commanded by God to have sex with and/or marry Sarah's Handmaiden.
by whom he had the son Ishmael. then Sarah miraculously conceived, and this was Isaac.
after Isaac was born, both Sarah and Abraham started treating Ishmael [and his mother] like absolute shit, so on God's command*, Ishmael took his mother and fled.
at some point, they were dying of thirst in the Desert, God told him to "drag his heel" thru the sand at one point, and WOW an Oasis sprung up...
*if you hadn't known, followed, or guessed, after the birth of Issac, i switched from knowledge of the OT to knowledge of the Quo'ran. Muhummand, the founder of the Quo'ran, is desended from Abraham thru Ishmael :)
damnit, i need to remember to READ before i POST.
ReplyDeleteMohummud, Mohammad, however, WROTE the Quo'ran [Koran] and FOUNDED Islam. sheesh.
being not an atheist, i do believe the "divinely inspired, mortally fucked up" version. ESPECIALY because we now know that later people went back and erased ALL KNOWLEDGE [or, at least, MOST - there's still SOME} of Ashteroh - Yaweh's WIFE and fellow Goddess. Ashteroh was known and loved and worshipped along side JHVD until about 500BC
and, like pretty much EVERY "Divine Duo", Ashterah was in charge of Fertility [life, motherhood, crops, anything to do with women] and Yaweh was in charge of War [death, hunting, protecting, anything to do with men]
Asteroh is also Ishtar, and a couple other Goddesses - please remember, Yaweh started out as a minor Babylonian God, and made a deal with the Jews - he'd protect them, make them his special, chosen people, if they'd cleave only to him and his.
anyway... my brain, random useless knowledge, full of :)
Jared;
point 1 - as far as they're concerned, it *IS* copyrighted - HOLY copyright. they'd IGNORE any "mortal" copyright, anyway. point 2 - no, they believe all those older finds are "placed by the Devil", and i've even heard people say "read it in the ORIGINAL ENGLISH". when i've said "um, excuse me, English didn't EXIST when any of the Bible was written" i've been told i was WRONG, of COURSE it was written in English, English is "God's Language" and THEN it was translated to Hebrew and Aramaic [and later Greek, for NT] and if people would just LOOK, they'd find a 4000 year old copy of the OT written in the King's English. somehow [and it would mysteriously NOT be a "placed by the Devil"].
point 3 is similar to point 2 - even if they acknowledge that it was originally written in Hebrew, the TRANSLATION was as "divinely guided" as the original writing, if not more so.
i don't know - some people are just ignorant that their ignorance feels like a virtue to them, i guess...
@denelian, your history of Abraham, Isaac, and Ishmael was pretty good. Though if the OT is your source on the first part (the Q'ran may tell the story differently), it was actually Sarah's idea to have Abraham sleep with her handmaiden, not God's.
ReplyDeleteJarred;
ReplyDeletei'll admit, i haven't read the OT in a while - so i must have mis-remembered WHY there was sex with the handmaiden. thanks for the correction!
it actually doesn't really say, in the Quo'ran - what is says is Ishmael's mother [Hagar? no... damn, can't remember her name] was Abraham's "second wife" who "fell from grace" when Sarah [the 1st wife] conceived and then had a son - and so both she and Ishmael were abused after his birth, until God told Ishael to flee.
which is why Abraham had ONLY ONE son, when God commanded he sacrifice his only son...
i like the Q version of the story, because they escape and all :)
denelian said:
ReplyDelete"Asteroh is also Ishtar, and a couple other Goddesses - please remember, Yaweh started out as a minor Babylonian God, and made a deal with the Jews - he'd protect them, make them his special, chosen people, if they'd cleave only to him and his."
I'll plead ignorance. I've never heard this. Can you tell me where I can find out more information about Ashteroh/Ishtar and about Yahweh being a minor Babylonian God?
latest on Ashteroh: http://news.discovery.com/history/god-wife-yahweh-asherah-110318.html#mkcpgn=rssnws1
ReplyDeletethey've been finding stuff for 30 or 40 years
as for Yaweh's history, it was actually covered in one of my Religion classes, but i *THINK* i first ran into it here:
http://www.amazon.com/History-God-000-Year-Judaism-Christianity/dp/0345384563/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1304698916&sr=1-1
that's a link to the book on Amazon, it's called "A History of God". i just spent a freaking HOUR looking for my copy [yay i found 2 of my bibles and my Quo'ran, boo did not find THIS book] but it *IS* the correct book, i checked.
rather, it's the book i was thinking of that MAY be the book i think it is that talks about Yaweh's Babylonian roots. i THINK. can't find it so i can't CHECK it.
ReplyDeletei'm gonna kill someone, as soon as i figure out who moved and/or "borrowed" it [since it's one of the books i do NOT lend]
anywhoo - hope that helps!
Thanks, denelian! Yes, that does help.
ReplyDeleteThe woman of Revelation 12 is now here… God is very precise: A woman delivers the true word John1:1, Rev 12:5, Rev 12:13 who restores Acts 3:21 all things to the world before Christ’s return. This woman exposes the lies of Satan who has deceived the whole world Rev 12:9. This woman creates a new thing in the earth by fulfilling God's promise to Eve Gen 3:15, Jer 31:22, Isa 14:16. She is meek like unto Moses Num 12:3, she was raised up Acts 3:22 from the Laodicean church that becomes lukewarm because they refused to hear her Rev 3:14-17. She is also bold like Elijah Matt 17:11, her witness alone turns the hearts of the fathers to the children Mal 4:5-6 to prepare a people for the Lords return before the great and dreadful day of the Lord Matt 17:3, Luke 9:30. Moses and Elijah are together with the word Matt 17:3 they all three are in this one woman. Those who will not hear Acts 3:23 the true word of God now delivered to the world free of charge, as a witness, at the heel of time from the wilderness Rev 12:6 will not be allowed inside the walls of God’s coming kingdom from heaven Rev 21. This true word turns the hearts of the fathers to the children of God by giving the truth that not one child of God will be put in a hell fire no matter what their sins. It never entered the heart or mind of God to ever do such a thing Jer 7:31, Jer 19:5. God created evil Isa 45:7 to teach his children the knowledge of good and evil Rom 8:7, Gen 3:22 so that at their resurrection they become a god Matt 22:29-30, Ps 82:6. Prove all things. Be a workman that needeth not to be ashamed. You cannot rightly judge this unless you read all that has been written by this woman first Pro 18:13 http://minigoodtale.blogspot.com check out the bruising of Satan.
ReplyDelete"The woman of Revalations 12 is here"
ReplyDeleteis that the "Whore of Babylon"? that's the only woman *I* remember, but you're apparantly talking about a "virtuous woman"
and um... i hate to say it, but that was a incoherent bit. don't just throw out verses - QUOTE THEM and then explain what [you think] they mean.