Tuesday, June 29, 2010

The Weirdest Thing Happened to Me Today

I walked down to the drug store to use a coupon that expires tomorrow and was approached by two young men, one blond, one with a shaved head, attempting to hand out religious tracts and bottled water by saying, "Want a free bottle of water?"

(a) I'm not taking food or beverage from some random guy on the street and (b) no, I don't want your religious literature, please throw away your own trash.

So I said, "No, thank you," and kept walking.

Blond guy starts to implore me some more, Shaved Head grabs his arm and says, "Forget it, she's a witch."

O_o

So, totally forgetting that I have a Jägermonster sigil on my sleeve (see my profile picture), and not realizing what that would probably look like to the religiously sheltered, I assume he is saying "bitch" without actually saying it, and I stop and say, "Just because you replace the 'b' with a 'w' does not make that an acceptable thing to say about a woman!"

That's right, I caused a scene. I could actually hear my mother desperately hissing don't cause a scene! Too late, mom.

Religious dudes back away from me, almost into traffic, and Shaved Head's all, "I didn't- I didn't"

"How dare you call me a bitch?!"

Now people are stopping to watch. Due to the close proximity of the county courthouse, the federal courthouse and the university, the crowd includes lawyers in suits, defendants in suits and college students.

"No, no a witch!"

"What?!"

"You've got a demon on your arm!"

At this point, I'm pretty sure I've confronted a paranoid schizophrenic and I'm starting to feel bad about it, until a woman in a suit standing next to me taps the pin and says, "I think he means this."

"Oh, the Jägermonster sigil. It's from a-"

"I LOVE GIRL GENIUS!" shout two girls with blue hair and pink hair and tattoos and piercings- college students.

That's right, I found two people who love Girl Genius by starting a scene with a religious nutter. And, despite the fact that I am twice their age and do not have blue or pink hair, they think I am the coolest person evah for wearing the pin everywhere. In fact, I am officially "subversive".

Religious dudes still have no idea what just happened.

12 comments:

  1. That's about 1000x cooler than anything that happened to me today.

    Garts.

    ReplyDelete
  2. That is the funniest thing I've read in quite a while. Time for Religious Guys to open their minds - and their reading habits.

    ReplyDelete
  3. That's probably the coolest thing that ever happened to me.

    I mean, someone thought I was a "casts curses upon people" witch! In retrospect, I should have been complimented.

    ReplyDelete
  4. To be fair, I don’t think anyone can have any idea what the hell happened. =P

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hy cannot begin to express how otterly awesome dot whole exchange iz.

    Und even if Viccan's try to appropriate de term "vitch" for demselves, und JK Rowlink und Terry Pratchett make it scheem like reschpectable career option, it's shtill an offensive term in Real Life. Hyu had every right to confront dem, "b" or no.

    Vait, hy'm beink vaaay too serious. Musht brink beck de fonny. Hy know, Hy translate diz whole posht into Jaegerschpeech, dot'll vork.

    ReplyDelete
  6. all i can do is *CHEER*!


    it's *really* weird, what people will decide means "witch". i have an antique cameo ring, that i got from my grandmother. almost had it taken away from in HS [when i was stuck going to school in Alabama] because my CHEMISTRY teacher decided it was "something witches wear; it gives their looks in service to the Devil" and...
    yeah.

    i'd like to think that i'd be cool enough to argue back, now that i'm all over-30 and everything. :) but we KNOW *YOU* are!

    ReplyDelete
  7. That was great.

    A fairly effective strategy, too. When harangued, convince the other guy that you're psychotic, or that you've got the ability to turn random people into newts.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Let me show you how ATHEISTS were partially responsible for 911

    These ATHEISTS NEED TO BE ON THE TERRORIST WATCH LIST!

    You don’t even have SCIENCE on your side…

    You’re a perfect example of when PHILOSOPHY becomes an ENEMY OF LIFE...

    http://stephenlaw.blogspot.com/2010/06/playing-mystery-card.html

    not quite samantha with her *supernatural spit*, eh?

    this isn't one of your little WORD GAMES...

    blasphemy is a DEATH SENTENCE

    you people actually BELIEVE the BS you preach!

    GOD 1 - atheists 0

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQcNiD0Z3MU


    Atheists,
    you are ENEMIES OF GOD AND ARE GOING TO BE ANNIHILATED...

    Repent and turn to God or be destroyed...

    YOU HAVE NO CHOICE...

    my interpretation of the STATUE FIRE... it symbolizes the SPIRITUAL DEATH of atheism...

    http://www.latimes.com/news/custom/topofthetimes/national/la-naw-0616-jesus-statue-lightning-20100616,0,4295974.story

    http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2010/6/16/1276680110544/The-King-of-Kings-statue--005.jpg

    http://www.latimes.com/media/photo/2010-06/54332292.jpg


    http://friendlyatheist.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/butterjesus-1.jpg

    PRINCESS DI IS WEARING A NEW DRESS!

    http://www.princeofwales.gov.uk/speechesandarticles/a_speech_by_hrh_the_prince_of_wales_titled_islam_and_the_env_252516346.html
    ______________________________
    http://skepticblog.org/2010/04/06/would-i-ever-pray-for-a-miracle/

    Shermer, I WANT TO SEE YOU BEG FOR A MIRACLE...
    ___________________
    we do like your music Lady Gaga, but...

    The B**BQUAKE - 911

    Let me show you the FATE OF TRAITORS...

    http://www.loiterink.com/photos/products/182_3424_500x500.jpg

    they are incapable of telling the difference between SCIENTIFIC *FACT* AND
    RELIGIOUS AND PHILOSOPHICAL *TRUTH*... FATAL ERROR!

    they also preach a *VALUE FREE SCIENCE* called *POSITIVISM* that ignores the
    inequalities of wealth and power in capitalist civilization...

    for a sample taste of PZ Myers' GARBAGE...

    http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2010/06/sunday_sacrilege_imagine_no_he.php

    HIJACKING IN PROGRESS!!!

    http://hawaiiwebgroup.com/maui-design/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/website-hijacking.jpg

    HIJACKING IN PROGRESS!!!

    how can these HEADLESS IDIOTS BET AGAINST GOD!!!
    ________________________________________
    what happens when you LOSE Pascal's Wager...

    http://www.peterkreeft.com/topics/pascals-wager.htm
    ____________
    you FIGHT PAPER MONSTERS...

    the blood and bodies of the atheist movement...

    you mofos killed MICKEY MOUSE!!!!

    this has more TRUTH then what Dawkins, Randi, Harris, Myers, and Shermer
    combined have said in their entire lives...

    http://www.youtube.com/watch#!v=5R2wE8Sduhs&playnext_from=TL&videos=hht1U_19anc&feature=rec-LGOUT-exp_fresh%2Bdiv-1r-3-HM

    they tried to BULLDOZE the entire METAPHYSICAL DIMENSION...
    they LOST THE WAR......

    you have FORFEIT YOUR SOUL, shermer... you have become an object in the material world, as you WISHED...

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eUB4j0n2UDU

    http://farm1.static.flickr.com/7/11792994_ffaaee87fa.jpg

    we're gonna smash that TV...

    They had become ENEMIES OF THE PEOPLE AND OF GOD...

    you pushed too much and *CROSSED THE LINE*

    degenerates (PZ) or children (HEMANT) - ATHEISTS!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRRg2tWGDSY

    do you have anything to say, you STUPID LITTLE F*CKER?

    how about I tell you, Mr. Shermer, EVERYTHING YOU THINK ABOUT THE WORLD is
    *WRONG*

    THE BOOBQUAKE - 911!
    ****************************************************
    http://dissidentphilosophy.lifediscussion.net/philosophy-f1/the-boobquake-911-t1310.htm

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sx7XNb3Q9Ek

    RUN, ATHEISTS, RUN!!!
    -------------------
    http://www.4degreez.com/misc/dante-inferno-information.html

    the 9th and FINAL RING of Dante's Inferno is designed for little blaspheming traitors like you...

    but at least FREE AIR CONDITIONING is included!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Good for you! I think going Nuclear like that in public makes the two guys look like complete A-holes.

    http://laughinginpurgatory.blogspot.com/2010/06/im-actually-rather-new-reader-to-your.html

    ReplyDelete
  10. Whateverman:
    "A fairly effective strategy, too. When harangued, convince the other guy that you're psychotic, or that you've got the ability to turn random people into newts."

    DM:
    "BWAAAAAAAAARRRGH!! AFIESTS ARE AFTER YOUR BOOBQUAKE!!! THE FINAL RING... PRECIOUS, PRECIOUS!! NEWTS AN' PAPER MONSTERS AN' MICKEY MOUSE AN' METAPHYSICAL BULLDOZERS!!!!! GGGAAAARRGH!!!"

    Me:
    "[snort] Ahahahah! Oh man, that was perfect. Much lulz."

    ReplyDelete
  11. There's a German word for this: urcool.

    ReplyDelete

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