Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Are We Sure Andy Schafly Is Not a Poe?

This is the list of Greatest Conservative Songs from conservapedia.

[WARNING: viewing the list below may cause side effects which may include, but are not limited to, aneurysm, spontaneous combustion, brain death, significant loss of IQ, possession by Satan and the raising of Cthulu. This blog takes no responsibility for any injury, death or world ending apocalypse the reading of this list may cause.]

The list is 86 songs long (so far!) and includes:

Fast Car, by Tracy Chapman. Self-help, free market, division of labor, and a criticism of alcohol

Goodbye, Yellow Brick Road, by Elton John. The same message as the Prodigal Son: look objectively at our own lives, and realize that "I should have listened to my old man."

Stand By Your Man, by Tammy Wynette. Don't expect feminists to like that one! Or Hillary Clinton!

Andy, do you mean the same Hilary Clinton who stood by her man after he was nearly impeached for sexual relations with another woman? Also, Tracy Chapman and Elton John?! WTF?

"Gotta Serve Somebody" by Bob Dylan. "It may be the devil or it may be the Lord."[2]

Bob fucking Dylan wrote the 22nd greatest conservative song. Don't think about that one for more than 5 seconds, your head will explode.

"Neighborhood Bully" by Bob Dylan. Israel's right to exist and defend itself.

And number 35.

Takin' Care of Business" by Bachman-Turner Overdrive. The work ethic and promoting self-employment.

Has Andy heard any of these songs?

Walking Contradiction by Green Day. Though a vocal critic of the Bush Administration, here Green Day mocks the often self-contradictory and inconsistent liberal ideologies, hence the term "walking contradiction".

Let's just give Billy Andy's address and watch the fun happen!

Staying Alive, by the Bee Gees. Pro-people and pro-staying alive, and this: "We can try to understand; The New York Times' effect on man."

I . . . what?! Is that . . . tentacl- Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.


  1. Do as I say not as I do because
    The shit's so deep you can't run away
    I beg to differ on the contrary
    I agree with every word that you say
    Talk is cheap and lies are expensive
    My wallet's fat and so is my head
    Hit and run and then I'll hit you again
    I'm a smart ass but I'm playing dumb

    Standards set and broken all the time
    Control the chaos behind a gun
    Call it as I see it even if
    I was born deaf, blind and dumb
    Losers winning big on the lottery
    Rehab rejects still sniffing glue
    Constant refutation with myself
    I'm a victim of a catch 22

    --Green Day, "Walking Contradiction"

    Yeah...um, which political side do these lyrics best represent?

    Also, are you sure this isn't the Conservapedia entry on "weapons-grade projection?"

  2. "Yeah...um, which political side do these lyrics best represent?"

    That depends entirely on your own political outlook, as they could be applied to either side. But I seriously doubt Green Day is criticizing "liberal ideologies." They'd probably laugh at that suggestion.

    From promoting creationism, to nonsense like this, Conservapedia is full of all sorts of idiocy. As someone on the right, I cringe when I see junk like Conservapedia.

  3. Don't forget that he labels "I Fought the Law and the Law Won" as a conservative song. This being a song about how one can be driven to theft, and generally not at all political.
    Further, he recommends the Clash's version. THE CLASH. The Only Band That Matters, the left-wing, angry, socialist-led (Joe Strummer ftw!) Clash. (Can you tell I'm a fan? Can you tell I hate that Schlafly is?)

  4. Hey, I've got Taking Care of Business stuck in my head, I feel your pain. I've also been eaten by Cthulu, but that's much less problematic than you may have heard. The wifi in here is outstanding!

  5. On a random note, I clicked over to the Talk Page of Conservapedia's "feminism" page. It's hi-larious. Even some of the conservative editors are like, "isn't this kind of over-the-top"? And ASchalfly is all, "DON'T CHANGE ANYTHING"


  6. Fannie . . . she tempts me. And I'm no damn good with temptation!

  7. Is "Born in the USA" on that list? :)

  8. Not to mention "Back in the USSR".

  9. PF - that's no surprise; Cthulu was re-awakened again by a bunch of programers trying to debug Windows Vista - so OF COURSE the WiFi is good

    lol don't mind me.


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