Thursday, March 10, 2011

Mai Brane Went Erk!

I think I just experienced physical cognitive dissonance. It was very weird.

(Keep in mind, I don't see my knees very often. For 8 hours a day I'm either sitting at a desk or walking somewhere, neither being activities that really allow for knee monitoring.) It's been raining, for days. This sort of weather isn't good for me. It makes my joints ache as if I spent my time on a rack rather than in a chair.

Lately, my knees have been feeling swollen. This morning, it reached the level of feeling like my knees are the size of cantaloupes. It finally got to the point where I looked at them to see what was going on. (More like, holy fuck what is going on with my knees?!)

That's when my brain went erk. "Erk" is my best approximation of the actual sound inside my head when I saw that my knees were perfectly normal and my brain shut down. I think my autonomic functions may have stopped for a few seconds. The sheer disconnect between what my knees felt like and what they looked like was just too much to process and my brain hung up like Outlook trying to download an email with an attachment*. Then my brain did this:

Brain: Touch your knees.

Me: What?

Brain: Touch your knees.

Me: Why?

Brain: They're swollen. I can tell. Touch them and check.

Me: Look at them, they're fine.

Brain: You can't trust the eyes. Touch your knees.

Me: My eyes are fine.

Brain: You are wearing red glasses so bright I'm surprised they haven't burst into flames, can you see them?

Me: Well, now I can. Thanks for that.

Brain: What about your nose? Do you have any idea what I have to do with the information from the eyes to make it usable? The eyes cannot be trusted.

Me: You know, this is a really disturbing conversation to have with your own brain.

Brain: I wouldn't know, I am your own brain. Touch your knees.

Yeah, they feel fine, although my hand passing through where the swelling should have been felt like picking up a can of soda you expect to be full that is empty instead. I'd call the doctor, but I wouldn't even know what to say. And my brain's sulking at me now.

*Every single time those idiot computer repairmen stop by, it gets worse. I've changed the password on my computer and refuse to give it to them.


  1. On the one hand, I'm sorry that you knees hurt. On the other hand, thanks for that - I really needed the laugh.

  2. This is actually how I feel about much of my body on my bad days.

  3. that sucks. i'm sorry :(

    i send GoodThoughts of non-pain thru the Pagan Ether!


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