Monday, March 21, 2011

Heard on the Bus

Usually, the driver of the bus I take in to work is an Italian from New York City. You know the sort, thick accent, mustache, big close-knit family, traditional Italian name, eats only Italian food- and Catholic. Seriously, this guy could teach the Pope a thing or two about being Catholic.

At least three times a week, this fundamentalist woman spends the entire ride trying to save his soul. Italian driver takes this very well, "mm-hmm"ing in all the right places, deftly deflecting invitations to services and socials and generally giving Miss Manners a run for her money.

Today was different.

Maybe it was the ice raining from the sky. Maybe he'd finally had enough. Maybe it was just Monday.

Italian driver was talking to another passenger and the latest house fire came up. Turns out, that was Italian driver's sister's house. The house, and all their possessions, burned to the ground, and now she, her husband and their five children are living at Italian driver's house, with his wife and his four children.

Fundamentalist woman interrupts with, "Do you have a big house?"

Italian driver says, "I guess so, but it doesn't seem that way with seven extra people in it."

Fundamentalist woman replies, "Yes, but your house is big, right? There's room for everyone?"

Italian driver says, "Well, nobody's sleeping in the garage, if that's what you mean."

Fundamentalist woman says, in a tone of absolute triumph, "See, that's why God gave you such a big house! God is good!"

At this point, everyone on the bus is somewhere between bemused and befuddled, but Italian driver- who's had five extra children under ten in his house for a week- has had enough.

"You know what, lady? God didn't give me a big house. I worked for that house. I saved for years for that house, and then I moved from New York City to [redacted] just so I could have a bigger house and a yard for my kids. Nobody gave me anything!"

At this point, Fundamentalist woman tries to interrupt, but Italian driver is having none of it.

"And another thing- if God gave me a big house eight years ago just so I could cram my sister and her husband her kids into it after her house burned down, why didn't God just make sure her house didn't burn down? Seems like the long way around to give me a big house, doncha think?"

Well, yes, actually I do.

[edit: this was initially double posted. blogger is wonky this morning.]


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. You know, having been fundamentalist myself, I can appreciate this woman's desire not to see Italian driver roast in hell. Even so, at some point even fundamentalist woman should realize that three times a week for however long she's been riding the bus is a little bit much. And using Italian driver's family tragedy to prove the goodness of God = very, very BAD idea.

  3. go New York Italian Bus Driver!

    what's up with the double post? is blogger being wonky again?

  4. Nope, operator error - I was being wonky!

  5. And wonky again! I didn't even see the double post! Blonder than I pay to be I suppose. :-)

  6. Am I double posted? Blogger is acting weird today. I noticed it while I was trying to put up this post.

  7. seriously - i'm trying to read over at Pervocracy [actually, at first, the page itself was fine - it was when i went to comment, i kept getting the whole "operation aborted" BS; so instead of "open in new tab" i just hit "comment" directly. now i can't keep the page open at ALL, just keep getting "operation aborted. *SO* happy that at least YOUR blog is accessable [knock on wood, literally] cuz i like Holly Pervocracy, but YOU'RE my Platonic-Girl-Crush]

    at least it got fixed?

    ooooooooooooh totally OT; my dad took me to the dentist today. and i mentioned something about your blog, and we were talking about you and religion and how Christians run around screaming "WE'RE PERSECUTED" whilst persecuting everyone else and NOT being persecuted, and etc -
    and he said "She should read Heinleins Job."
    i cracked up - he asked why. i said "about a year ago, i found a super-cheap HB copy and sent it to her"

    dad said "Ha! great minds, you know you got yours from me, right? what did she think of it?"

    i said i didn't know, cuz you haven't told me. i hope you at least liked it! [i'll be mortified if i sent you a book you hated - i think i'm pretty good at matching book to person, but you're the first person i don't know IRL that i've given a book...]

    seriously, though - did you like it? it's sort of relevant to other recent posts - if there *IS* a Hell [i don't believe there is, but *IF*] Heinlein's version is the only one i can imagine at ALL, really...

  8. Oh, no, I totally thought I sent you a long email all about how awesome that book was!

    Stupid ymail.

  9. yes. stupid ymail!
    but i'm very glad you liked it! if you can easily find the email, and it's not a hassle, would you resend? i'd love to know all your thoughts on it :)

    but i can now tell my dad that you thought it was awesome - i'm trying to get him to actually come READ your blog, instead of just telling him everything you post. not that i mind reciting it; rather, more people reading is better for you :)

    seriously - i'm very happy that you liked it - it's one of my absolute favorite books :)

  10. ok, so ignore that last comment, the REAL comment is:

    no, stupid OXY - i DID get emails from you. we discussed it. i left above comment, and thought "wait... wait!"
    i'd moved those emails to my "book discussion" folder.

    and totally forgot about the whole exchange. because that's were you told me about Asherah, which i'm using in the Dresenverse game i sent you some write-up on.

    and didn't remember who TOLD me about her, until now.

    i'm still trying to figure out how i want to approach YOUR idea about the Bible and stuff. which i'm not going into detail about, because i just bet DM would steal it :D

    sorry!!!!!!!!!! christ, i've gone from essentially eidetic to forgetting everything! *sob*

  11. Thanks for an idea, you sparked at thought from a angle I hadn’t given thoguht to yet. Now lets see if I can do something with it.

    online pharmacy


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