Usually, the driver of the bus I take in to work is an Italian from New York City. You know the sort, thick accent, mustache, big close-knit family, traditional Italian name, eats only Italian food- and Catholic. Seriously, this guy could teach the Pope a thing or two about being Catholic.
At least three times a week, this fundamentalist woman spends the entire ride trying to save his soul. Italian driver takes this very well, "mm-hmm"ing in all the right places, deftly deflecting invitations to services and socials and generally giving Miss Manners a run for her money.
Today was different.
Maybe it was the ice raining from the sky. Maybe he'd finally had enough. Maybe it was just Monday.
Italian driver was talking to another passenger and the latest house fire came up. Turns out, that was Italian driver's sister's house. The house, and all their possessions, burned to the ground, and now she, her husband and their five children are living at Italian driver's house, with his wife and his four children.
Fundamentalist woman interrupts with, "Do you have a big house?"
Italian driver says, "I guess so, but it doesn't seem that way with seven extra people in it."
Fundamentalist woman replies, "Yes, but your house is big, right? There's room for everyone?"
Italian driver says, "Well, nobody's sleeping in the garage, if that's what you mean."
Fundamentalist woman says, in a tone of absolute triumph, "See, that's why God gave you such a big house! God is good!"
At this point, everyone on the bus is somewhere between bemused and befuddled, but Italian driver- who's had five extra children under ten in his house for a week- has had enough.
"You know what, lady? God didn't give me a big house. I worked for that house. I saved for years for that house, and then I moved from New York City to [redacted] just so I could have a bigger house and a yard for my kids. Nobody gave me anything!"
At this point, Fundamentalist woman tries to interrupt, but Italian driver is having none of it.
"And another thing- if God gave me a big house eight years ago just so I could cram my sister and her husband her kids into it after her house burned down, why didn't God just make sure her house didn't burn down? Seems like the long way around to give me a big house, doncha think?"
Well, yes, actually I do.
[edit: this was initially double posted. blogger is wonky this morning.]