Gender Norms, Tropes and My Hair

gender, tropes, hair, feminism, feminine, feminist, stupid,
I'm getting my hair cut for the first time in about 8 months on Saturday (engagement party. not mine, obviously). I want the above haircut. I've wanted that haircut for a long time. It would look better on me than long hair. My hair itself would look better, too. (Actual quote from my doctor: You're too sick to have healthy hair.) It'd be easier to take care of and style, a big plus if holding your arms over your head for any period of time reduces you to a quivering ball of pain. (Blow dry hair for one minute. Rest for two. Blow dry hair for one minute. Rest for three. Repeat literally ad nauseum and you have my morning.)

So, why don't I just do it? I'm independent, I'm a free thinker, I'm a feminist . . . I've looked through 16 women's magazines and found one person with short hair: Rihanna. Everyone else has the long hair I never will- lush, full and shiny like a horse's tail got together with a bolt of satin and made sweet, sweet love.

I watched a lot of tv while my xbox was away, and every sexy young thing has a head of hair to make Lady Godiva weep. You know who has short hair? The dumpy, the frumpy and the old. If a woman is a stressed housewife who lost her sexy long ago, she has short hair. If she's a grandma, short hair. If she's hopelessly geeky and not about to be transformed into a superhotty, short hair. (Oh, and lesbians. Apparently, lesbians' hair stops growing after it reaches 2" long.) Just because universe hates me, for the 30 seconds the tv was on before I turned on the xbox last night, I caught a preview for some new movie in which the male lead's solution to the female lead's lack of man was longer hair.

The worst part of all of this is that I know how stupid my hesitation to have the hair I've always wanted is. My hair doesn't look good long. Most people's hair doesn't look good long. I can count on one hand the number of women in real life I've seen with tv hair. Everyone else has a mop of frizz, split ends or grease. That's because models and actresses are paid to have great hair. They have a team of hairstylists placing every hair just so before any pictures are taken. I don't. Yet here I am, my own woman, independent and capable, being held hostage by gender norms and tropes.

A Ripped, Crumpled Gift

sex, misogyny, feminism, feminist, purity, chastity
The thing that bothers me the most about purity or chastity movements is their inherent misogyny. It's always women that need to remain pure (as opposed to filthy, I suppose), women that need to remain chaste. Oh, sure, more modern groups will pay lip service to the idea of male purity, but it's always women that get compared to cows and gifts.

From the Pure Love Club:

"I choose to be pure because that's what God, my future husband, and I want. I know God wants it because he says so in his word. I know my husband wants it because it is such a special gift. A friend once used the analogy that purity is like a beautifully wrapped present. If too many people are allowed to handle it, or open it, by the time it gets to the one its meant for, your future mate, its ripped and crumpled. And even though your future mate will accept it, he/she will probably be disappointed it wasn't as beautiful as it started out as. I want to stay pure because I want to be able to give myself wholly to my husband and have no regrets. Those are the reasons I want to stay pure. Not only for myself, but also for God and my future husband."- Michelle

Well, by that logic, Michelle, you should seal yourself in a small closet to prevent your ever interacting with anyone, seeing anything or hearing anything that might crumple the delicate tissue paper that is your hymen soul. We wouldn't want experiences to rip your perfect purity, we want you to remain hermetically the same, forever and ever.

Who we are is an amalgam of our experiences, of where we've been and what we've done and who we've done it with. This notion that women should not change, that we should remain innocent little girls forever, first to be protected by our fathers, then by our husbands, but never by ourselves, is misogynistic at its core. I am perfectly capable of charting my own course and making my own decisions, and my experiences do not make me less, they make me more.

We will end with a story about ripped and crumpled gifts.

Our second Christmas together, the Hubby was attending school full time and I was the only one working, and we had no money. Once we were done buying presents for everyone else, we had no money left for ourselves. I managed to scrape together enough for a pack of guitar strings, but it didn't seem like enough. If you live with a guitarist, you know that guitar picks end up everywhere: behind, in and under furniture, under rugs, etc. So, I scoured the house and came up with a handful of picks. Half of them were probably useless, as the tips of picks get ground down by the strings after a while. I wrapped it all up in white printer paper.

I handed the Hubby that sad, battered gift Christmas morning* and he loved it. He loved it because I gave it to him and because sometimes it is the thought that counts. The moral of the story is, if you choose to share** yourself with someone, they should appreciate it, no matter what's gone on in the past. Anyone who doesn't appreciate the beauty of you isn't worth sharing with anyway. To put it bluntly, do you really want to spend your time apologizing for the past you can't change? And why should you want to change it? It made you who you are. And that's worth loving.

Check out the Cynical Nymph for an excellent tangentially related post on women's bodies as public property.

*Hubby wrote me a song. I love that song.

**You can share your sexuality with someone, you can't give it to someone. It's not an ipod.

No, It's Not Theft

feminism, feminist, tony, miano, comfort, misogyny, quiverfull,
For some reason, I've been stewing about this post from Ray Comfort's bff, Tony "The Lawman*" Miano. I don't know why I've been stewing about it. I have a blog. I can rant about it. So here we go.

Frankly, the whole post, wherein The Lawman explains his Quiverfullish plan for his daughter's vaginas lives, is rantworthy, but it's the following requirement for his daughters' husbands that caused all the stewing.

The man who marries my daughter must . . .

. . . receive my consent to marry my daughter. Otherwise, he is nothing more than a thief.

No, because you can't steal people. You don't own your daughters, The Lawman. You can't own people at all in this country. Haven't been able to for, oh, 150 years or so. Your adult daughter is welcome to do anything she'd like with her life, including marry a man you don't like. That does not make him a thief, or her a runaway slave.

See, The Lawman, women in this country, in this century, have all the same rights you do. I know, it's amazing. We can vote, own property, get jobs, marry whomever we wish (in 6 states, really marry whomever we wish), use birth control. Anything you can do, we can do, too.

And that includes making our own decisions in life.



*I always hear that as announced by the "let's get ready to rumble" guy.

Christianity Gets a Little More Disturbing To Me

misogyny, feminism, feminist, religion, christian, christianity, atheism, atheist, courtship, asshat, stupid, sex, sexism, sexuality, orgasm, clitoris
I have to thank the Slacktivist for giving me this link, though I'm sure this isn't what he had in mind. Yeah, well, I gotta be me.

The Courtship Path . . . to the Love of Your Life

by Alex S. Leung

[this post is from a book, 5 Paths to the Love of Your Life (ed. Alex Chediak. Th1nk Books, 2005.)]

The Courtship Path
Definition

Courtship is the active, involved authority of the young woman’s father (or head of the household) in the formation of her romantic attachments leading to marriage. in other words, daddy chooses whom you will marry. your sole involvement is basically to show up at the church on time and submit for the rest of your life.

Distinctives

Courtship is not egalitarian because it believes in a female submission to a male head of the home. well, duh.

If there is an absence of headship, either because of neglect or a literal absence, young couples should seek out advice from their church on how to continue their courtship. This will probably result in an assignment of surrogate parents. because we can't possibly let people just pick whom they will marry by themselves- that might result in, oh, i dunno, happiness or something.

Physical involvement when courting should be completely avoided. you wouldn't want to find out if you were sexually compatible or anything. wait, what am i thinking, women aren't supposed to have fun with their vaginas. if they were, they would have clitorises and be able to achieve orga-- wait, i'm confused. After the couple is engaged, it should be limited to holding hands, brief kisses, and hugs. tongue, or no tongue? and is that special kind of hug that homophobic guys practice wherein you lean forward and only touch at the shoulders, keeping the genitals as far away as possible?

The will of God is rarely an acceptable excuse to conduct courtship in a self-defined way, such as a man pursuing a woman who has repeatedly rejected his interest in her. rarely? the fact that "the will of god" is ever an acceptable excuse to continue to pursue a woman who is not interested in you is appalling. really, how is this different from arranged marriage?

Platonic relationships are a myth apparently, i should be looking for unicorns over here, because i'm living in a myth! and are not an excuse to spend one-on-one time with a member of the opposite sex outside of courtship. we wouldn't want the poor girl to actually get to know a man, now would we?

Key Verses

Numbers 30:3-5 When a young woman still living in her father's house makes a vow to the LORD or obligates herself by a pledge 4 and her father hears about her vow or pledge but says nothing to her, then all her vows and every pledge by which she obligated herself will stand. 5 But if her father forbids her when he hears about it, none of her vows or the pledges by which she obligated herself will stand; the LORD will release her because her father has forbidden her.

Genesis 2:18 The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Okay, the Numbers quote sort of has something to do with matter at hand, but wtf do the Genesis quote and the Psalm quote have to do with courtship? Do they think we won't look these up? And, if we're following the mating rituals of bronze age desert nomads, why aren't we following any of the other customs of bronze age desert nomads? Why are we eating shrimp and wearing clothes made of more than one fabric?

Key Benefits now that's an odd use of that word

Love develops within a supportive, protective, and encouraging environment. but not an environment that would actually allow one to get to know a person that well. well enough to say, decide if you want to spend the rest of your life with them.

Sexual purity is more realistic and attainable. please stop obsessing over other people's vaginas. it's weird.

Trust in the relationship results because intentions are more obvious from the get-go. yes, desperation is the most honest policy, isn't it?

Baggage occurs less often because all aspects of the relationship are more intentional. how could you possibly get to know someone well enough to incur any baggage in this situation? also, baggage isn't necessarily a bad thing, if you learn from your mistakes.

Courtship creates an environment for obeying God by honoring one’s parents. well that's my biggest concern when picking the person i will spend the rest of my life with.

Potential Problems

Courtshippers may become overzealous to the point of forcing their method on others. um, how?

Parents may become domineering and manipulative, using the authority of courtship to make unwise, ungodly decisions in all areas of their children’s lives. what about using the authority of courtship to make unwise decisions in the area of the courtship? hello?

Couples may claim they are courting to appear Christian but may ignore the real principles and make up their own unhealthy rules. like touching one another?

funny how the fact that you couldn't possibly get to know someone well enough to decide whether or not to spend the rest of your life them isn't a potential problem. the inherent misogyny of a father choosing his daughter's husband isn't a problem, either.

The above is not the blogger's opinion, this is all from a book he is reviewing. What follows is the blogger's opinion, and it is scary.

In my humble opinion, this path so far seems to be the most biblically complementarian. And thus, for those of us who are not egalitarian and rather proclaim ourselves to be complementarian, it would be rightly appropriate for us to “court”. To say that we believe in the male headship in the family and the church, and yet do not exercise this in the way we are involved in our children’s romantic life is hypocritical; to not seek the lady’s father’s authoritative validation for a relationship would be Pharisaical. not being a misogynist is a one way ticket to hell!

What more, is that in a postmodern what does that even mean? culture where much such? many? physical expressions of love are acceptable, the high standard of absolutely no physical involvement is very difficult to adhere to. The benefits for sexual purity to be more realistic and attainable is certainly a big plus, not having any idea what you're doing in bed, and all but assuring that your wife never has an orgasm are pluses? big pluses? but considering how scarce it is for any human being to be wired for no physical involvement, and why would you want to be married to that person? this is definitely the boundary that is hardest to stay within. I am humbled i'm am weirded out by Wilson’s call to zero physical involvement, for I know that it is an area I most struggle with. This is the area where disciplined holiness and self-control is most trying for men. that's right, kids. men are uncontrollable beasts and good girls don't ever want sex. if this asshat could read my thoughts right now, his head would explode. i'm surprised i'm not catching on fire. (If you give a mouse a cookie, he will soon ask for milk!) at least he didn't go for "if you can get the milk for free, why buy the cow?"

Lastly, I take heed of Wilson’s call for us to stop making excuses to spend one-on-one time with a member of the opposite sex outside of courtship. cause you wouldn't want to view members of the opposite sex as people, would you? (given my interests in sports and video games, and my general blunt . . . um . . . earthiness, i generally get along better with men than women. i don't, nor do i usually want to, fuck my friends. i know, it's just mind blowing.) This is a part of my life that I am currently re-evaluating to see what true intentions there are in my heart for those friendships in which I do spend significant amounts of one-on one time, in person, over the phone, or on the web. you're kidding. internet interactions, which carry no risk of sex at all, are out, too? wtf is wrong with these people? it's like they operate under the assumption that if you like it, you shouldn't be doing it. I do not think that Wilson is saying that they are completely unacceptable, but simply that we should not be hypocrites and nor be lying to ourselves that we are just friends when one or the other has wishes for more. according to what you posted above, he said they were completely unacceptable.

Heck, if this approach to relationships really brings less baggage to the table, I’d be all for it! because it's really annoying that the women i meet aren't still factory fresh in the original packaging. the fact that i have to deal with their emotions and personalities is just beyond annoying.

well, that was enough naked misogyny for one day, don't you think?

Where Do I Even Begin

misogyny, feminism, feminist, religion, christian, god, stupid,vagina

Okay, that was a start, but I think we need more than provagina bus ads for this piece of self-hating misogyny.





Excerpts from: Women Our Purpose (subtitle, My Main Title Needed a Comma, But My Husband Wouldn't Let Me Have It) by momof9splace.





I'm sure we can all agree that God made everything on purpose. no, we don't all agree on that, but please continue He makes nothing by accident. Nothing is happy until it finds the purpose for which God has make made it. determinism, anyone? Seems like all we hear these days is "I want my rights". oh, dear Everyone is talking this way....but what about my purpose..my purpose..or my place..my place. That is what I want to address here. i'd like to address your assault on the english language.





You have only one right in life. I'm assuming it's not the right to use the talents and abilities that this asshat would say god gave us. And that is to find God's will and purpose for your life. she shoots, she scores! okay, look, if god wants me doing something other than what i am doing, he needs to send me a memo or something. hello, he's freakin' omnipotent, he can't shoot me an email? Then sit securely and work actively right in the center of God's purpose and place for you. oh, my. It is really the only way to find contentment. my dog is "content". the most content person I know. actually, the only content person I know. i don't think i really want to be "content". content does not mean the same thing as "happy" or "fulfilled", which is what i really want to be. (i manage happy on a regular basis, but fulfilled takes some work.) To be in the will of God is the highest honor given us. sigh God has a specific purpose for each of His creatures. So, God then has a purpose for women.



all women in fact. because all women, all 3-3.5 billion of us, are exactly the same. we all need the same things, enjoy the same things and fill the exact same purpose. hey, who needs individuality when you're nothing more than a fetal container?

*warning- extreme creationism to follow. please note, i am not condoning or agreeing with a literal reading of genesis.*

First let me say that God didn't create man for you. Yep! you heard me right. actually, i read you, but whatever. God created you to be a help meet for man. that's right. you have no value whatsoever outside of your relationship to a man. you're about as useful as, say, a chair. You see ladies, I believe God saved the best for last....woman....created after everything else..Because man was incomplete... what is up with these random ellipses? He had it all there in the garden. well, yeah, except for something to fuck. and if he did have something to fuck prior to eve, i don't want to know about it. Every perfect thing and direct fellowship with God. i guess fucking is not a perfect thing. But God saw that something was missing... funny that the omniscient being didn't anticipate that. He wanted Adam to have the best of everything, every desire met. and totally forgot the fucking. So, to top off a perfect world He created woman FOR THE MAN. this actually gets better real soon.

Man needed someone to see how much he could lift and to say "My you are strong". yeah, you read that right. god created woman to be a freakin' cheerleader. (deferring further comment until the end of this paragraph.) But there was no one, Maybe he took a lap around the garden and there was no one to say.."Wow, you are the fastest runner I know!" (well, except here) of course adam was the fastest runner eve know. there wasn't anyone else in the garden! God made woman to sit on the sidelines and cheer when a man succeeds. (and here) women aren't to join in and succeed themselves- they are to sit on the sidelines and watch other people succeed. you know at least 1 of those 9 children is a girl who will grow up never participating in anything, never succeeding, never even considering she could succeed. God made a woman to sit in the audience while her husband preaches and say. "That’s the best preacher in the world". That is why God made woman. He made her to be man's help meet. God made woman for man! The word "help meet" means "completer." Like finishing a circle...a completion. No, God didn't see a child needing care and say "I'm going to send somebody down to take care of that child". He didn't say "that baby needs a diaper change, I'll create someone to take care of that". Nor did He say "there's a dirty house, I'll send someone to clean". And as much as we would like to believe this He didn't say, "I'm going to send her down for man to love and protect". God didn't send you down to be helped; God sent you down to help gee, hope you don't ever need help with anything, ever. you know, like everyone does occasionally.



look, i know what a "helpmeet" is, and that concept is significantly less offensive than what she's pushing. a helpmeet tends house and cares for the children, thus freeing up her husband to earn a living. that at least acknowledges the value of a woman as a mother, cook and housekeeper. this, though, acknowledges no value at all.



further, this portrays men as sad little creatures with fragile egos that need constant boosting, both in the form of excessive praise, and in the form of never being challenged by anyone. this woman does not respect men. at all.



even further, this encourages what i call "American Idol Syndrome". constantly using the highest praise to describe another's accomplishment only encourages them in the delusional belief that they are the bestest that ever lived at everything, which no one is. Criticism, constructive criticism, is vital to improvement, and everybody could use a little improvement.



This next bit doesn't make any sense.



God looked down and saw that man was not a complete package. odd how omnipotent god did not make man complete all on his own, or anticipate man's incompleteness. He saw that he could not make it by himself and God said, "I'm going to make someone to complete him. Like a noun with no verb. Like a three sided square. analogy fail. like a noun with no verb? how about those "exit" signs marking the emergency exits? no verb necessary there. like a three sided square? that's not a square, asshat, that's a triangle. There was something missing in man so He made you to complete him. That is your purpose. So, that being the case, God made you to be the aggressor. aggressive like a three sided square? Yes, woman is to be the weaker vessel aggressively weak? what?!



Let's put it this way, woman comes to an incomplete man, completes him, and then reaps the benefits. what benefits? That's her job-to be the aggressor, to complete man so he can lead her, but he needs woman to start him! um . . . to start him? How do we do this? Take interest in his job...not just the paycheck..learn ask questions... could you just write a complete sentence? let him know how important you feel whatever he does is. oh, look. you're watching tv, it's so freakin' important, you're more vital to the continuation of the human race than water! did i do it right? Does he like sports? Whatever he enjoys act interested. because nobody can tell when you're pretending to be interested. Be supportive. If he catches a 6-inch fish, say "wow that is a whale. hehe well, yeah, you should definitely laugh afterwards to let him know exactly how serious you are. oh, and i'm guessing, no matter how stupid this man is, he knows a 6" fish is not a whale.



Of course there isn't a "women's libber we call that "feminism" these days alive are there dead ones, then? that sees any truth in what I'm trying to say here. oooh, wonder why. Do you know what these women's libbers are? feminists? They are a group of confused women trying to find happiness and failing because they are searching outside of God's Word and God's plan. how do you know they're failing? i can't believe you've ever spoken to a feminist. have you done a survey? anything other than a bald assertion? They say, "I have my rights too". No they don't-not yet! nope, sorry, in the US, we do. you can deny reality all you want, it's still there. A woman does not have any right in this world until she's done this. and then she gets the right to what? do it some more? Check it in the Bible; Always in the Bible she is to be the follower i think i'll check frodo's holy book first.



we'll skip the bible quotes and go to some advice for the younger women among us:



Now I suppose that there are some young ladies out there that are wondering how all this should concern them now. run! run for your lives! Well girls, there is a father in your home, a boss at work, a preacher who needs your prayers, your obedience, start now where God has you and then when your TIME comes, the natural thing will be to do that which God has ordained. obey any man in anything he says. at all times. i guess that's one way to take care of the whole rape problem Are you praying for the right man? the man with the fragile ego who needs you to completely efface yourself for his sake? the one who can be convinced that a 6" fish is a whale? that one? For someone who will love the Lord more than he loves you? please, honey, can i be second best?That is what makes it all work. sure, if you have absolutely no expectations of ever being happy, everything works out. Pray ask God to open and shut the doors of your heart when need be. please, lord, make me incapable of wanting love, happiness or respect, so that i may spend my life cheerleading an idiot with a fragile ego.

Sexism- Alive and Well in Medicine

patriarcy, feminism, feminist, gardisil, cervical, cancer, promiscuity, slut, asshat
You know what Gardisil is, right? That vaccine you give to girls so they don't get HPV, which in turn prevents them from getting cervical cancer later (by later, I mean their 20s) in life?

You remember how every religious crazy in this country suddenly decided that vaccinating girls against HPV would cause them to FUCK EVERY MAN THEY MEET? Because the only thing stopping teenage girls from having nonstop, raucus, perverted group sex was the threat of possibly getting cervical cancer 10 years down the line.

Well, now giving Gardisil to boys is being considered, and nobody's even mentioned that it might make them slutty. All of the sudden, we care about cost effectiveness and safety.

Hey, patriarchy? Yeah. FUCK YOU!

Vagina as Leg Shackle

patriarcy, feminism, feminist, vagina, modesty, dress, feminine
This bothered me the first time I read it, and it's bothered me ever since, so I thought I'd bother you, and share the joy. (No need to thank me.)

From Modest Articles and Testimonies:

If you feel you can’t do something in a dress, I would encourage you to question whether it is an activity that you can do and be feminine.

First of all, I can think of one activity that it is easier to do in a dress than in pants*. Secondly, a vagina is not a leg shackle. Hi, this is Personal Failure, and I'd like to introduce you to the last 100 years. Honestly.

What does "feminine" mean anyway?

According to the dictionary: pertaining to a woman or girl. Okay, so being a woman, that would make anything I do feminine. And that, kids, is the point. I am a woman. I can't stop being a woman (not that I'd want to). Therefore, everything I do is feminine. I don't become a man the instant I put on pants** or pick up power tools.

I think my irritation with this stems from two underlying ideas. The first is that everything a woman does, thinks or wears must stifle her and hem her in. Pants allow one to participate in sports and construction, and we wouldn't want women thinking they can do that sort of thing, would we? The other is that people like this are so obsessed with form over function. It's not enough that I am a woman, I must appear to be stereotypically female as well. I need long hair and skirts and aprons to shout to the world, and myself, that a woman is all I am.

That's what it is, isn't it? A constant visual reminder to the woman herself that she is less. That her life is confining. A constant visual reminder of all the things she can't do, not because she isn't capable of doing them, but because the patriarchy doesn't want her doing them. Because the patriarchy knows that the instant women figure out their own strength, their own power, the patriarchy's free ride is over.

I recommend putting on some pants and grabbing some power tools. Strength, now that's feminine.

*Ever since the summer of 1999, I have not been able to view walls the same way.
** If the writer of the quoted piece looks like a man in pants, she is wearing the wrong pants. I could not possibly be mistaken for a man while wearing pants.

Walrus Does Not Like the BBW's*

asshat, editorials, jackass, opine, preterm, stupid, walrus, misogyny, feminism, feminist, labor, pregnant, abortion, abstinence, birth control,
The Playful Walrus is at it again! Only this time it's not teh gayz- it's fat, ugly feminists! Is no one safe from The Judgey Walrus? (I have to wonder what this asshat looks like. Suggestions welcome.)

Associated Press Medical Writer Mike Stobbe reported, prompted by a CDC report found here.

While it shows the U.S. population is more than replacing itself, a healthy trend, the teen birth rate was up for a second year in a row. Wait, does this mean no more Demographic Winter, or are there too many brown babies in this study?

While it sounds bad that the teen birth rate was up, the article goes on to say point out that the birth rate was up in general. maybe the teen birth rate was up because of abstinence only training? it's been proven that doesn't work.

The birth rate rose slightly for women of all ages, and births to unwed mothers reached an all-time high of about 40 percent, continuing a trend that started years ago. More than three-quarters of these women were 20 or older.

Which means that almost 25% were 19 or younger. i'm impressed. walrus subtracted 75 from 100 and got 25. let's give him a round of applause!

For a variety of reasons, it's become more acceptable for women to have babies without a husband, said Duke University's S. Philip Morgan, a leading fertility researcher. you just know that's going to set an opiner off.

It helps keep sperm banks in business and is one reason I plead with men to never, ever donate sperm. because married couples in which the wife is fertile, but the man's sperm isn't doing anything never, ever use sperm banks. ever. sperm banks are only used by evil, single feminists and lesbians.

Even happy couples may be living together without getting married, they might be, we don't know. duh. experts say. And more women — especially those in their 30s and 40s — are choosing to have children despite their single status. countdown to the opine misogyny explosion in 3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . .

If a woman doesn't have the time or personality or patience to find, attract, and keep a man she is willing to marry (or a man who will at least have sex with her), should she really be a child's only parent?

that's right. if you're not angelina jolie, you have no business ever being within 5 feet of a child. unmarried women are all ugly and mean. and probably lesbians anyway. in fact, i'm willing to bet that anyone that wouldn't fuck walrus is a lesbian by definition. boy, my hubby is going to be really disappointed when he finds out i'm a lesbian.

Walrus, you just don't like women. I'm not saying you're gay, I'm just saying you clearly do not like women. You are a misogynist of Limbaugh proportions. And possibly dimensions, but I don't really know.

Meanwhile, U.S. abortions dropped to their lowest levels in decades, according to other reports.

Good.

Some have attributed the abortion decline to better use of contraceptives, but other experts have wondered if the rise in births might indicate a failure in proper use of contraceptives. Some earlier studies have shown declining availability of abortions.

I don't think I've ever heard in recent decades, from an anonymous source or otherwise, "I wanted to get an abortion, but I couldn't find a place where I could get one." Please. There are people out there willing to fly you somewhere and pay for it. as if anyone would suggest to an opiner that they desired, or even worse, had obtained, an abortion. actually, it is incredibly difficult to obtain an abortion in large portions of the country. there are fewer and fewer abortion providers and laws in many states require all kinds of hoops to jump through, including sitting through prolife seminars and waiting periods, and who are these people flying women places for abortions? link? something? anything? nah, just an assertion.

The pre-term birth rate, for infants delivered at less than 37 weeks of pregnancy, declined slightly. It had been generally increasing since the early 1980s.

The March of Dimes likes to use this as a call to fundraising. helping babies with birth defects is bad! bad! However, I wonder just how much of it is due to 1) an increase in multiple-baby pregnancies due to the use of “reproductive technologies” sarcastiquotes why? they are indeed reproductive technologies. i think some people don't know what sarcastiquotes are for, exactly. (remember – twins born prematurely are two births, while a singleton born at full term is just one, easily skewing the statistics about “births” i'm not sure that's true when it comes to the data collection on preterm births. i know some studies count multiples as one pre term birth (it is after all, only one pregnancy), and some studies throw out multiples altogether precisely because they are more likely to be born preterm and thus skew the results.), and 2) an increase in obesity, adding complications to a pregnancy that prompt doctors to remove the baby before full term.

see, it's not just mean, ugly feminists Walrus hates, it's BBW's, too. Actually, I looked up the causes of pre term births, and obesity wasn't mentioned at all. Here are the primary causes of pre term births:

When preterm labor starts on its own (as opposed to being induced):
Infection. About 40-50% of all preterm labor can be traced to infection. Many women do not show classic signs of infection, like fevers. One good note here is that with antibiotic treatement for Group B Strep, we have seen a reduction. Other than for Group B Strep, antibiotics usually lead only to antibiotic resistance and not a reduction in preterm labor rates.
Bleeding. This does include placental abruption, where the placenta tears away from the uterine wall too early. It also includes bleeding disorders that may be genetic or acquired. Bleeding of any sort should be reported to your doctor or midwife.

Stretching of the uterus. The stretching or overdistension of the uterus has also been linked to preterm labor and birth. This can be caused by fibroids, multiple pregnancies (twins, triplets, etc.), or even having too much amniotic fluid (polyhydramnios).

About 25% of all preterm births to mothers with one baby are ended early for maternal or fetal well-being. This can be acheived either through induction of labor or by planned cesarean section, depending on the reason for the early arrival and the condition of mom and baby. The American College of Ob/GYNs (ACOG) says that there should not be any induction done prior to 39 weeks without medical reason (often called social induction), because of the increased risks. That leaves 75% of preterm labors as spontaneous. About a quarter of the spontaneous preterm labors are due to premature rupture of membrames (PPROM).

See, no fat chicks. Jackass.

Among the states, Utah continued to have the highest birth rate mormons and Vermont the lowest. not mormons

Which could mean that more people who will grow up in larger families and want larger families themselves – and value marriage – are being raised than people who will be accustomed to, and will be more likely to create, a smaller family, perhaps without marriage. "We'll win through attrition!" Also the premise of Idiocracy.

*Big, Beautiful Women.

Quiverless

quiverfull, patriarcy, misogyny, religion, christian, feminism, feminist,
Please read the fascinating story of a woman who once led the Quiverfull movement, and has since left.

If you're feeling lazy, I think this paragraph sums up how the movement feels about the women who sacrifice so much to make it happen:

Garrison complied. She'd had her first three children by cesarean section, but after coming to the Quiverfull conviction, she was swayed by the movement's emphasis on natural (even unassisted home) birth. During one delivery, she suffered a partial uterine rupture and "felt like I'd been in a major battle with Satan, and he'd just about left me dead." The doctor who treated Garrison lectured her for an hour not to conceive again, but she felt that stopping on her own would be rebellion. When she turned to her leaders for inspiration, she received a bleak message: that if she died doing her maternal duty, God would care for her family. For six months, she couldn't look at the baby without crying.


I love a movement that puts men in no danger at all, why decrying the women who refuse to die for patriarchy.

Also visit Garrison's blog and offer her some atheist cookies.

Rush Limbaugh IS That High

rush limbaugh, rush, misogyny, feminism, feminist, stupid, asshat,
Rush Limbaugh can't figure out why women hate him.

Really.

I'm serious.

He just noticed this. He can't figure out why.

Yes the same Rush Limbaugh who said that "Feminism was established so as to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream of society."

and

"We're not sexists, we're chauvinists -- we're male chauvinist pigs, and we're happy to be because we think that's what men were destined to be. We think that's what women want."

and

"She comes to me when she wants to be fed. And after I feed her -- guess what -- she's off to wherever she wants to be in the house, until the next time she gets hungry. She's smart enough to know she can't feed herself. She's actually a very smart cat. She gets loved. She gets adoration. She gets petted. She gets fed. And she doesn't have to do anything for it, which is why I say this cat's taught me more about women, than anything my whole life." --on his cat

In fact, he has convened a "summit" to try and figure out why women hate him.


BEGIN TRANSCRIPT

RUSH: Ladies and gentlemen, we are going to do the Female Summit today, by the way. We will do the Female Summit in the third hour of the program today, and the reason we're going to do the Female Summit is Public Policy Polling in North Carolina published a national poll on your beloved host, El Rushbo. They found I've got 46% approval, 43% disapproval, but I got a huge gender gap. I wonder why? My gender gap between men and women is 31%. Thirty-one percent is the differential between male approval and female approval. The fact that any women at all approve of Rush is incredibly disturbing. So yesterday I said, "What can I do about this? Exercise your Second Amendment rights? Stop exercising your First Amendment rights?What could be done? What is the explanation for this? you're a misogynistic asshat. for starters."

'Cause I'm just a harmless i wish little compared to what? fuzzball. I'm the sweetest, the nicest, most generous, compassionate i don't think he knows what any of those words mean, confident, cocky i'll grant you "confident" and "cocky", but why do you think women like cocky?, I-know-what-I-want-and-I-know-what's-right-and-I'm-going-to-say-what-I-think again, why do think this would be an attractive trait to any sane person? kind of guy you could run into, and I'm saying to myself, "What could be the explanation for the gender gap? probably something unfortunate about men. I should try to understand it myself." Why not do a Female Summit, with breakout groups and the whole thing, like Obama does, on Social Security and electricity and procurement. So we're going to do a Female Summit. It may take more than one day, depending on the answers we get. i'm guessing any answer you get that doesn't affirm your own opinion of yourself won't be heard anyway, so this should take about 3 minutes. I've got a lot so far in e-mail, by the way. But what will happen, we're going to take calls only from women in the last hour of the program today. Very rarely do I define requirements for callers. isn't there some commandment about lying? But today, I am going to do so. For the purposes of the Female Summit, it would make no sense for women to call and say how much they love me. clearly, they don't.

We already know that there are many who do, and we know why. We need to hear from women who don't particularly love me, who don't particularly like me, or from women who do like me who know women who hate me me!me!me! , who can tell me why. you judge women on looks alone. you think a female cat and a human woman are the same thing. you think chauvanism is what women want. But more than that, we need calls from women who will have suggestions for what they think I should do to close the gender gap SHUT.THE.FUCK.UP.-- and, I must add, some of you may think I should not worry about it. You can say that, too. The only thing off-limits is fawning love, adulation, devotion. since when? We'll save that for Open Line Friday. But today, the Female Summit must offer constructive criticism and hopefully some solutions a rope, a goat and a train., then I'll take it. You know, on a call-by-call, case-by-case basis. So what will happen right before the final hour, Snerdley will screen all the calls -- or he'll broom 'em. if they aren't displaying the proper catly attitude.


At the break at the top of the hour for the third hour begins is when we will start taking calls only from women. Now, we've done this before. We are highly trained broadcast specialists BWAHAHAHAHAHA, so we know it's going to happen. A bunch of men going to call trying to disguise their voices. what?! We'll catch you. A bunch of men are going to put their girlfriends or wives on the phone to fool us so that when it's their turn to get on the air the guy will actually be there. apparently, i don't listen to the Rush Limbaugh often enough. (well, ever.) I want to warn you: anybody caught trying to perpetrate a trick on this program and your host will be met with in a most direct, and what you might consider unkind, way. you'll hang up the phone? The first moment that I sniff deceit, you're gone. I will break my rule of never hanging up on anyone yeah, right. that's why you screen calls. asshat and do it today. We're serious about the Female Summit. you don't understand the meaning of "serious", either?

It's a crisis point in our country today so we'd better figure out why the girlies don't love the rush!, and we haven't got time to fool around with jokers, practical jokers. he is absolutely convinced of this bizarre men-pretending-to-be-women scenario, isn't he? I'm the king of those. that would explain a lot. I spot them before anybody knows they're coming. it's Rush's superpower! So get ready. Gear up for the final hour today being the first ever Rush Limbaugh Female Summit on the EIB Network. Now, this is not nitpicking, because Obama thinks that there are 57 states. what the hell does that have to do with anything? (if you include US territories and protectorates, you get 57) He said that during the campaign. But I need to ask you people a question: Who invented the automobile? what does that have to do with women hating Rush? WTF? Oh! One thing about the Female Summit: sorry, no transsexuals. you're getting warmer, Rush. We're not going to have anybody who's had an addadictomy we call those sex reassignment surgeries, or gender reassignment surgeries. and anyone who had an "addadictomy" would be a MAN, and therefore ineligible for the Female Summit. Asshat., and we're not going to have anybody who's had a chopadickoffamy. you're so disgusting. We're going to have women from birth.

Nothing against transgenders, nothing against transsexuals oh, puhlease. you hate transexuals like you hate latinos, blacks and women, but that doesn't apply because they weren't polled. Only women were polled in this. the pollsters checked to make sure they were registered as women at birth? really? So if you had an addadictomy, you can't call here and say you used to be a woman. It ain't gonna work. And if you had a chopadickoffamy and you used to be a guy, you cannot call here and say you're now a woman. You can try it, but it isn't gonna work. how many transexuals does Rush think listen to his show? i'd be surprised if it were one. and he or she is probably doing it for research. Now, we ask that all of you be honest. We ask that all of you be sincere in our effort here to close the El Rushbo gender gap based on the polling from Public Policy Polling. I just got a note: "Can employees participate in the All Female Summit?" Can employees participate? Well, I assume so, but the employees must go through the regular channels. There will be no preferential treatment shown to callers. except taking nontransexual female callers only.

[more on how you just can't fool Rush Limbaugh]

We're looking for stories from women who actually have big problems with me and are able to explain to me what they are so I can react to it. by insulting them, no doubt We're trying to get to the bottom of something here. We want this to work, we want this to have an effective climax pffft! so that there is something at the end of the hour from which I can learn and maybe improve and get better. We won't know 'til we start taking phone calls. But if you try to fake us out, if you try to -- by the way, there's nothing wrong with transgenders and transsexuals, but no transgenders and no transsexuals. If you've had an addadictomy, please don't call. If you've had a chopadickoffamy, please don't call. again! We'll let you in on another occasion. This is for women who have been born women and stay that way. please, please explain this to me? did Rush recently find himself fucking a hooker with a dick or something?

this caller is a fan who attempts level some valid criticism at rush, with no success:

CALLER: First I want to congratulate you on your success in radio and thanks for letting me be a part of your summit. *gag* I agree with your politics, but I don't routinely listen to your show because of certain things you say. The first time I listened to your show you were criticizing a liberal woman's blog, and I was fine with your criticism, and at the end of your criticism said something to the effect of, "Well, at the end of the day she's a babe so it doesn't really matter anyways," and you were referring to the columnist. After you said she was "a babe," you know, in my mind and maybe in the mind of many other women listening, you totally diminished what you had said previously about her column. yes, exactly. you reduced her to her looks, stating outright that it doesn't matter what she does, as long as she's pretty. women don't like that, Rush. And, you know, in this time I think, you know, conservatives, we really need to pull together. And you, Rush, as a great leader and speaker for conservatism, you don't need to dilute your message with who's hot and who's not. You know, leave that to someone else who has nothing better to say. Rush doesn't have anything better to say, but good advice.

RUSH: Well, but what if the fact that being a babe is the most notable thing about a particular liberal blogger? it's not. but even if it were, then don't say anything at all. I mean, I'm looking for something nice to say after having ripped a liberal blogger for being wrong, because she's a liberal, she can't possibly be right, and so I'm looking for something positive. yeah, i'm sure that complete dismissal of her as anything other than an object of lust was motivated purely by your natural instinct to fairness, rush. If she's a babe, she's a babe. What is...? You know men can't help but notice these things. I guess you're saying, "Yeah, go ahead and notice, but don't mention it." yeah. it's fine to notice what someone looks like, you don't have to make it the only issue. asshat.

CALLER: Yeah. I mean, you know, she might not take that as a compliment. i sure wouldn't take being dismissed that way as a compliment. I'm not saying I agree with liberals, but she probably worked very hard. yeah, she probably did.

RUSH: Oh, time-out.

CALLER: (giggles)

RUSH: This is a teachable moment for me. i doubt it. Are you telling me that there are women who do not appreciate...? being dismissed as anything other than an object of a man's lust? yes! that shouldn't be surprising! See, I thought we were past this. who could possibly get past that? When I was in my early twenties, Deborah, in the 1970s in Pittsburgh --

CALLER: Mmm-hmm?

RUSH: -- that was the birth of the modern era of feminism; and I'm telling you; if you complimented a woman on her appearance, it was a negative; because they were trained as, "Oh, is that all you see? Well, what about my brain?" It was frustrating to me. don't fucking bring it up if you know you will be offending someone. it's called common courtesy. get some. it's free. You couldn't open a car door! I'm not making this up. It was a very formative experience to me. apparently not formative enough Women do not want to be told how good they look because they thought they were being objectified or seen in a lesser stature yeah., but men cannot help this. men can't help noticing whether or not women are attractive to them. they can hold their tongues. asshat. God created us this way. It's what ends up in there being babies. misogyny leads to babies?

CALLER: Yeah, but, you know, talking about it on the radio doesn't make babies. that's actually a pretty good response.

RUSH: You never know. i don't care how superpowered your sperm are, rush, you can't talk people pregnant.

CALLER: (giggles) I don't think women appreciate that. no, we don't

RUSH: The fertility rate of this program has been quoted as being fairly high. please tell me he's kidding.

CALLER: (giggles) Well, I think you need to get rid of terms like "infobabe." yeah, that, too. you go, deborah! I mean, I know you might like being called an "infohunk," but...

RUSH: I invented the term!

CALLER: (giggles)

RUSH: It's creative and it's artistic, and it is a signature term. it's offensive and misogynistic and if you were genuinely interested in changing, you'd stop it right now.

CALLER: Well, I think it might be a big turnoff for a lot of women. You know, when I hear that term, I -- oh, Deborah, just give up now. he's not honestly interested in your opinion.

RUSH: I would say they need to lighten up, for crying out loud! if i offend you, it's you're fault! Why do I have to change who I am? you're the one who asked for advice on how to change, asshat! Why can't they just lighten up? *sigh* Infobabe! Why can't they laugh? being dismissed as nothing more than an object of your lust isn't funny, that's why. What is the problem with being light and lovable and just smiling now and then? if you actually were light and lovable that wouldn't be a problem. Why must everything be said through gritted teeth and anger? i don't know rush, that's your schtick.

CALLER: It doesn't have to be that way, but you don't have to label it as an "infobabe." poor deborah, she still assumes he's interested in an honest exchange of ideas.

RUSH: (laughs) I'm not going to change that. That is a signature. I mean, that's been picked up. by other misogynists, no doubt. Even if I stop using it, everybody else out there is using it. well, you should totally objectify women because other people do. I guess next I should stop using the term "anchorette." *headdesk*

well, i hope you got the point, guys, cause there's only so much of that i can take.

Potential

feminism, feminist, pregnant, law, mandatory, testing, abortion, prochoice, prolife,
Rob asks: If people are so concerned about preventing the embryo from fulfilling its potential, wouldn't forced parenthood prevent the woman from fulfilling her potential?

answer 1: in the real world, yes. that's why people tend to get upset about girls in high school having babies. very, very few of them end up graduating from college. it requires a tremendous support system and a great deal of determination.

answer 2: there's another world out there, Rob. a world in which i have no value. none at all. presumably, you find me to be valuable in some small way. you bother to read what i write, and are inspired to comment on it, so you must find some value in me. others do not. not because they don't enjoy my writing, but because i have a uterus.

children, as you have noted, are ultimately important. more important than anything else. however, once a girl reaches child bearing age, in this world, she ceases to have any value at all. her only value is in her ability to incubate babies, which is no value at all, really. any mammal can do that.

imagine a world in which you have no value outside of your uterus. you have no control over your own body. your thoughts, dreams, desires are all of no consequence at all. you are exactly the same as a dog used to breed purebred puppies for sale.

consider laws that have been proposed concerning adult citizens of the US. recently, a law was proposed to make it mandatory to test women for alcohol and drug use if they did not receive prenatal care in the first trimester or had a premature birth for no discernable reason.

think about that one for a second. firstly, it is not illegal for women to drink alcohol. secondly, it is common for women not to realize they are pregnant until the second trimester. i know 2 women in the last year for whom this was the case. (most women don't really "show" until the second trimester, and a lot of women get what seems to be their period during the first trimester. some women get it the entire pregnancy.) i know at least one of these women is a social drinker, so she certainly was drinking while pregnant. (this happens a lot, too. her baby is fine.)

i begin to see why it is common for certain groups to marry young, after a short acquaintance. if the only possible value of a women is her ability to breed, what difference does it make who she is? who cares about her personality? talents don't matter, because breeding doesn't require talent.

if you want to see where this sort of thinking eventually leads, i suggest checking out The Handmaid's Tale. or the holocaust.

Someone Call Chris Buttars!

I have used power tools! Successfully*, even. A miter saw and a jig saw. (Laying laminate wood floors is easier than you'd think.)

Let me tell you, if you want to feel powerful, saw something. It was loud, I'm sneezing sawdust, and I am now the uberfeminist. Gloria Steinem has nothing on me!

Somebody better call Chris Buttars, cause my vagina is now more of a threat to the US than gays!

*by that, I mean that I cut what I meant to cut, more or less into the shape I meant it to be, and nobody lost an eye.

My Vagina is The World's Greatest Threat

feminism, feminist, homophobia, homosexual, lesbian, gay, prop 8, father, masculine, masculinity, vagina,
Today I learned that my vagina is at least as destructive as a nuclear weapon. It has caused the destruction of the family, the demasculinazation of an entire generation of males, and the downfall of Western Civilization.

All Hail My Vagina!

The feminist movement has done more damage to the family than any other cultural movement in recent memory. man, mormons can be a little annoying. just because your prophet said so is not actually logical argumentation. Because of the feminist movement, we have legalized and subsidized abortions all over the world. why don't these asshats get that choice really means choice? I am fine with your choice, whatever it is. I do not want everyone everywhere to be forced into abortions. (Oh, and even raving, fundy prolifers have abortions.) Because of the feminist movement, mothers have been encouraged to leave their children to be raised by “a village”. it's not the economy, it's feminism. I'm happy that beetleblogger can stay home and raise her children while her husband works, but that is not an option for millions of families these days. would you like to shame poor people a little more, beetle? yes, feminists believe that you should have the choice to work, but we also believe you should have the choice to stay home, too. should be up to you. unfortunately, these days, not up to you. up to the economy.

Because of the feminist movement, men have lost their sense of identity and masculinity. if my strength makes you feel less, the problem is not me. strong, intelligent men have no problem feeling like men around women like me. (see: my hubby)

Because of the feminist movement, fathers have left their homes and families. why aren't we putting blame where blame is due? feminism does not turn men into deadbeat fathers. men turn themselves into deadbeat fathers. we cannot solve the problem if we put the blame in the wrong place.

Because of the feminist movement, men have sought companionship with other men; look who's been talking to euripidesraper, who is, by the way, a history professor. homosexuality is mentioned in the bible. clearly homosexuality existed prior to feminism, unless you're trying to tell me that the ancient Israelite tribes were crawling with feminists. jackass.

and women have sought it with other women. lesbianism finally gets a shoutout. totally unrelated to feminism. i'm a feminist and i don't have sex with other women, nor do i want to. if you are struggling with your own lesbian desires, beetlesilly, don't blame the feminists.

Because of the feminist movement, religious beliefs have been questioned as “outdated” and “unlawful”. i thought that was atheism. look, feminists, stay off our turf!

Traditional Gender Roles and You

asshat, tradition, traditional, feminism, feminist, masculine, masculinity, prop 8, byron, greek, conservative, stupid,
This made me stop and stare. Apparently, defining masculinity by the example of Tim "the Toolman" Taylor is still popular in some circles. (Apparently, we need to revise the Feminist Agenda, because it's not working. Please send your suggestions via email to your local Secret Feminist Council prior to March 3, 2009. All submissions must be properly formatted, according to Paragraph 135, subsections a-j.)

In the interests of full disclosure, my marriage works thusly (and works quite well, thank you very much): me: cleaning, laundry, baking, repairs; hubby: cooking, dog walking, heavy lifting, decorating. Hubby is helpless with a hammer, I would end up with the kind of living room you call HGTV to save you from.

Based on my love of home repair, video games and football, am I not a woman? What about my hubby? He loves video games and football, but he's a great decorator, enjoys cooking and asks directions- is he less of a man?

In case you're having trouble with this one- no. I am a woman, my hubby is a man. It's silly to suppose that simply because we have the freedom to reject traditional gender roles that I am not feminine and my husband is not masculine. (By the way, if a smart, strong, capable woman makes you feel like less of a man- the problem is you, not her.)

From our friend who abuses the corpses of ancient Greeks:

I woke up this morning marveling at the decline of the masculine ideal in our country. wow. really? i wake up confused as to what planet i'm on. though, apparently, so does he. I'm an average kind of guy. a manly manly kind of guy. look how manly he is. so very manly. i bet his penis is SO HUGE! (just as a clue, the more you tell women how manly you are, the smaller she assumes your penis is. unless she's 18 and very naive. which probably explains why some people are all about the virgins.) I like shooting really big handguns. penis standins. not just handguns (which i enjoy as well, or did back when i could), REALLY BIG handguns. handguns almost as big as his penis. I watch movies with lots of explosions in them. wow, me, too. Cotton is the only material I'll wear. seriously? you're such a manly man that you check the tags on all garments before you buy them- and you can tell cotton from synthetic at a glance? not a talent i possess. (You could say that wearing Levi's is in my jeans. that was clever, like 50 years ago.) I grunt when? and burp everyone does and scratch at awkward times and in awkward places. so now i have the very unfortunate picture of Mr. MYDICKISSOOOOOOBIG scratching his balls in church at a funeral. thanks. I like spicy food. so do millions of people, male and female. I never ask for directions when I'm with my wife (gotta keep up the image) so rudeness makes your dick bigger? really, this poor woman is forced to follow you in willful lostness for no good reason? get a GPS. You know - man things. not one of those things are man things. some of them are rude, and a couple are just gross, but none of these things will make you a man. (don't try this at home boys!) And yet, there isn't any place in this country for men. yeah, you can take your grunting and ball scratching at church someplace else. Here's what I mean:

Have you noticed that men's voices are getting higher pitched? no, i have not. i tried to find research on this, and couldn't. so, SHOW YOUR WORK. (Women's voices are getting lower pitched, by the way - a reverse effect. again, show your work. i will say this: my hubby's voice is so low that he has to deliberately pitch it up when talking on the phone, or the phone won't pick up the sound. phones have a very limited range.) Johnny Cash, with his deep and resonant Man Voice you know, i never thought Cash had a small penis. has been replaced by the likes of Clay Aiken. apparently, Mr. Reallybigdick forgot about the 50s, during which male singers with very high voices were quite popular. Shia LeBeouf's that is a mispelling, it is LaBeouf voice is about an octave higher than Harrison Ford's. and that proves what? Harrison Ford and Mark Hammil were in Star Wars together, and Mark Hammil's voice is at least an octave higher than Harrison Ford's.

Metrosexuals are "in." nope, metrosexuals are back out. retrosexuals are in. get with the times, dude. It's the latest thing to show off how sensitive you are as a man by dressing in Abercrombie "rugged" wear and having your long-fought for chest hair mercilessly yanked out with wax. either you grow chest hair, or you don't, nobody fights for chest hair. (What some call the lost-wax process, but what I call stupidly painful. actually, i agree on that. waxing is amazingly painful. though, waxing your chest cannot have anything on waxing your genitals.) Metros would rather work more on their hair and spray tan than work for a living. really? what proof do you have of that? most metros I have known were young men with careers. And would they go to a sports bar to actually watch the sports? Pu-leeeez! yeesh. i go to sports bars to watch sports. does that make me a guy?

The other day, I sat down with a group of men (in one of our secret Man Meetings but do you have an agenda?) and we got in a discussion about our wives bad form, that. Inevitably, one of the men mentioned that his secret to getting along with his wife was in two little words, "Yes dear." Another joined in: "The secret to a happy marriage is to decide what you want to do, then do exactly as she says." first of all, i'm guessing these guys were joking. the secret to a long lasting relationship is (a) compromise or (b) marry someone whose self esteem is so low, they'll cave to your every request. (note that i said "long lasting" not "satisfying".) The discussion was really uncomfortable to me. how can i have a really BIIIIIIG dick if i compromise with my wife? Why? Because, it seems, men can no longer think well of themselves, have a healthy esteem, without resorting to self-deprecation when it comes to women. no, now you're allowed to have self esteem that doesn't involve oppressing the little woman and scratching your balls in church. i suppose you don't have to . . .

So what happened to men and masculinity? wait for it Women obtained equal rights in this country, with voting rights, then gaining equal economic footing with men. vaginas. vaginas ruined men and masculinity. my vagina is a more powerful weapon than any really big handgun. I'm all for equal rights for women. as long as they know their place and don't try to read a map. Women and men must be allowed to participate equally in our economic system - to go as far as talent and drive can take us. at home? women have slightly more input than the dog. However, within the feminist movement, there arose a new definition of woman. Rosie Riveter! Margaret Meade! Hilary Clinton! Feminism highjacked equal rights to recreate the country in the image of the Über-Woman. what does that even mean? (I am Woman, hear me roar. so much louder than before! why is that bad?) What was the result? Hilary Clinton is Secretary of State- oh, wait, this guy probably thinks that's a bad thing. The lie that women are better than men no, we're equal to men, though infinitely better at gestating babies. top that.; women can and should compete on every level with men yes, we can and should; women are in control of their own bodies my vagina, not yours, regardless if there's a baby parked in there or not no uterus, no opinion.; all men are pigs and don't deserve any respect just because you are a pig, don't involve all the other men; if you want something done right, ask woman. depends on what it is and what women and men are available. (Why is the idea that women are better than men a lie, you ask? Because the truth of the matter is that men and women are different from each other. no, really? Neither is "better" than the other. but women shouldn't try to compete with men. that's just wrong. did a woman become department head instead of you, buddy? That men were better was the lie of the old patriarchy. That women are better is the lie of the new feminism. funny, i bet you don't spend a lot of time actually interacting with feminists, or you'd know we don't say that. try feministe. it will be quite . . . informative for you.)

Feminists deprecate men no, we don't. we like men. just not pigmen. and men turn around and fall into the trap of self-deprecation. humility is a virtue, Mr. Reallybigdick. With no respect and no cultural place for men as men i don't see why we need a cultural place for oppressing women and ball scratching in public. (except as the brunt of a joke), men have abdicated their self-respect and have turned into something not quite man, not quite woman. oh, puh-lease. either you're referring to teh gayz, or you're just an asshat. Metrosexuals and homosexuals are created out of this system. Booyah! that's right- homosexuality did not exist until feminism. Lord Byron, anyone? Ancient Greeks, like the one he named himself after? This guy is a history professor, mind you. I do not advocate a return to the old patriarchy where men dominated the world and women were treated as little more than chattel. we just shouldn't compete with you. Respect, honest respect not deranged by feminism out of control vaginas for everyone!, should be the order of the day. In the meantime, I search for others of my kind. ball scratching in private is just too much for you? Men who understand that being a man isn't the Great Evil of the day. That, and someone to go with me to shoot really big handguns and watch movies with lots of explosions in them. that would be me, asshat, if you weren't such an asshat.

No Uterus, No Opinion

martin luther, children, gay, nazis, abortion, prochoice, prolife, choice, women, feminism, feminist, stupid

[censored] and I have the same opinion on the abortion debate: if you don't have a uterus, shut up. A man is never going to have to make that choice, is he? So why do so many men think they know exactly how a woman feels, exactly what the choices are, how they feel to make, or anything else about pregnancy? I won't try to tell you what erections feel like, you stop trying to tell me what having a uterus is like.

Emissary gives us this gem today, comparing abortion to slavery.

Yeah, I know, what the fuck?

One of the main arguments for abortion concerns the woman's body. The fetus grows within her, so it's technically considered "part of her" during development. yes, it is a part of her. fetuses cannot survive on their own. as they are inside of the woman's uterus, they are inside her body, and therefore, a "part of her". are we having trouble with the complexities of the english language again? And since it's "part of her body", she gets to choose what happens to it; termination or birth. yeah, pretty much. is there some sort of third option i am unaware of?

I thought a lot about this argument today not long enough, apparently, trying to determine what status a fetus has under this "pro-choice" logic. It is obviously not considered to be a human child because it's not a child. it's a fetus. children are capable of, I dunno, breathing. It has no right to life, liberty, or the pursuit of happiness how precisely would a fetus make use of liberty or pursue happiness? it's in placenta in a uterus. where is it going in its pursuit of happiness?. In fact, it's not even considered to be "alive" by the pro-abortion populace. That would make it even less than a pet. my dog is not living inside my uterus, and, i can put my dog to sleep any time i want, so what was your point again? So what would it be? a fetus, asshat!According to the argument, it seems that a woman in essence owns the fetus. in the same way she "owns" her kidneys, i suppose. That would make the fetus her property.

stop it! right now! fetuses are not slaves. you know what a fetus really resembles the most? a parasite. no really, in a scientific sense, a fetus bears every resemblence to a parasite. See how ugly these sorts of comparisons can get?

i am really getting tired of false analogies, people. religion is not a cultural phenomenon like sports, homosexuals are not like nazis and fetuses are not like slaves. if you can't come up with a real argument, SHUT.THE.FUCK.UP.

Dov Charney needs a Megadose of STFU

domestic, violence, women, misogyny, feminism, feminist, charney, stupid

Dov Charney, owner of American Apparel attempts to sell us on more than t-shirts: he told a reporter that women initiate almost all domestic violence, and that only in 1 out of 1000 cases are men involved.

Sorry, no. Now Shut The Fuck Up.

Women Want the Dick

feminism, feminist, rape, women, crime

(This is from Feministing, a website that everyone, male or female, should check out.)

Normally, I do not reprint other people's posts, however, this is so horrifying, it needs to be made as public as possible.

Colorado State University Police Chief Dexter Yarbrough was suspended on a litany of charges, like falsifying police documents - but it was this quote that stuck with me:
Yarbrough told students in a class lecture that "women want the dick, even when they say 'no.' They want the dick."

In fairness to Sexual Predator Yarbrough, I do want his dick- bronzed, in a trophy case, under a sign that says, "No Means No." (Anyone know a discrete trophy manufacturer?

Hordeing Gears

Don't worry, I can spell "hording". "Hordeing" is something else entirely.

A female friend of mine asked me how I can enjoy video games, which rarely involve strong female characters, and when they do, those women are always, always dressed like porn stars.

The truth is, that does bother me. The truth is also that, as a 5'1.5", 100lb female, playing a huge, hypermacho badass with an even bigger gun is crazy fun! I imagine that 15 year old, skinny, nerdy boys feel the same way.

I fear strange men at night. I recognize that any random date (not that I've been on a date in a decade) could be a rapist, or worse. So, it's fun to pretend to be someone that will never have that fear. And to remember that, in my own way, I do have power. I can change the world, even without a chainsaw gun.

Hope for Feminism

I am a feminist. I am not ashamed of this, as the Ann Coulters and Focus on Familys think I should be. In fact, the older I get, the more of a feminist I become.

The media, with its airbrushing and bump obsession, makes me despair for feminism in general, and for my younger feminist-in-training sisters all over the world. Every image you see these days is airbrushed into impossibility, and no matter how hard I try, I can't ignore the incipient crepiness of my hands, or the lines around my eyes, or the grey hair popping up on top and down below.

The worst part? Most people assume I am in my mid twenties, not my mid thirties. I've had coworkers and acquaintances demand to see my license. So, I am obsessing and despairing over nothing. I can't seem to help it.

So, I was very happy to see Make Me Heal, a message board for those considering plastic surgery. (WARNING: if you choose, you can see pictures of vaginas and penises and nipples on this site. If you are under 18, or easily offended by naked people, do not click on this site.)

In essence, people post pictures of what they are planning on surgically rearranging in order to meet the current, unattainable and often bizarre standard of beauty, and people comment on whether or not they should have the surgery done.

The most common answer? No.

Random strangers evaluate pictures of perfectly average, and frequently very beautiful, people and the most common response is "You look perfect the way you are. Don't do it."

Why does this make me so happy? Because clearly the average person isn't buying what the media is selling. Because there is hope for feminism. Because, for all of my fear and obsession and despair, I'm pretty, too. I must be. It's ok that I'm almost 33.

Also, if you are a woman, I would highly recommend looking at the vagina pictures. I've always been a little self conscious about mine, because I have no idea if it normal or not. (How many vaginas do you have to compare yours to?) As it turns out, everyone's is different, and guys (and I would imagine lesbians) like all vaginas equally. So, whichever you prefer, your partner will be fine with it.

So no surgery, ok? Especially not down there.