Friday, March 5, 2010

I'll Take Strawmen I've Loved and Lost for $200, Alex

masculinity, feminism, asshat, stupid,
I need a new word. Something more fail than "fail". Something more derisive than "asshat". Something that combines headdesking with an urge to set things on fire while covered in lime jello. Something to describe this:

The Death of Masculinity by Matthew Archbold

Masculinity is dying a quick death. It is attacked from all sides, for example 3 sides apparently. masculinity is a triangle! isosceles or equilateral?:

-Radical feminists say that being masculine is anti-woman. strawman.
-The feminized man is esteemed (esp. those who have a same sex attraction). i, what? that's . . . wow. help me here, i'm all out of words!

-Fathers are portrayed as blundering idiots in media. i think he means "in sitcoms", and yes, it is well known that we cannot escape the mind altering powers of sitcoms. we are powerless to do anything but imitate them exactly, in every detail.

The answer lies in the root of the problem, which started “in the beginning.”Adam was given the commission by God to “to cultivate and care for” the Garden of Eden and all that was in it (Gen 2:15). Adam messed up soon after. He fails to protect his wife, because he is a coward. He then blames his wife and in doing so he relinquishes his masculinity. Notice that after giving up his masculinity he quickly falls into lusting after his wife, which is why they have to cover themselves – to protect themselves from the lust of the other.

We still suffer from the same issues.

Seriously, you can't lust after your own spouse? How are you supposed to reproduce, then? Tamp down any lust you may feel and have joyless se. . . . oh, TMI, dude. serious TMI.

The modern man has also relinquished his masculinity by failing to have self-control. The modern man is an emasculated macho fool who has given in to his pornified passions and lives a sterile and contracepted life – he bears no fruit, literally and figuratively. I think we're still in serious TMI territory, folks. though I suppose a person who thinks lusting after your own spouse is sinful probably thinks that anyone who's ever accidentally viewed the cover of Cosmo at the grocery store is "pornified".

These issues are not only killing masculinity, they are also killing femininity. Because only when masculinity is truly lived properly will femininity flourish. Because there is absolutely nothing women can do without men, including being women.

So, where do we start? We start with discovering what a real man is NOT:

A real man is not emasculated ninny. darn right! a real man has both balls! brains optional.
Neither is a real man a testosterone infused sack of passions. "testosterone infused sack of passions" is the best band name EVAH.

A real man is this -> a man who desperately seeks to follow in the footsteps of THE MAN. wait, is that the one that's keepin' me down?
He will be courageous in the face of danger. able to leap mountains with a single bound.
He will fight for and maintain self control. not that freakin' hard.
He will put to death his lusts. gas chamber or chair?
He will be in control of his emotions and yet not afraid of them. there's no crying in masculinity!
He will find himself in losing himself. thus explaining many a road trip i've taken.
He is humble, but sure of the gifts God has given him. he is a mass of contradictions! which i really thought was womankind's turf, but i suppose we can share.
He is gentle when he should be and rough when necessary. i like a man with a slow hand.
He is a man of strength of character and his word means something. preferably more than these words.
He fulfills his promises. shouldn't everyone, male or female, be doing that?
He isn’t ashamed of his Lord or either of his mothers. matthew archbold has two mommies? well, everything makes sense now.

You know what, Mattie? I can see why men have begun rejecting such antiquated notions of masculinity. that list is ridiculous, has little to do with being a decent human being, and I can't imagine the knots one would tie oneself up into trying to make the grade if one weren't Superman. And guys? I don't need you to be able to move mountains or never cry, not even at your mom's funeral. I just need you to be yourself.


  1. a) You missed the boat. Masculinity is a scalene triangle.

    b) If I imitated sitcoms, my NYC apartment would be the size of Monica and Rachel's on Friends. If you ever come to NYC and see an apartment that size in the Village/USQ area (where they were supposed to live), you will be standing in the apartment of a multi-millionaire, not a non-celebrity chef and a waitress.

    c) I will give the guy this: he's not categorically blaming Eve for the downfall of humanity. OTOH, he's also basically saying that Eve can't act on her own as an adult.

  2. Fathers are portrayed as blundering idiots in media

    Actually, men have been portrayed as idiots in advertising for a loooong time now. In fact, in commercials where there are a man and woman, over 90% of the time, the man is made to look less intelligent than the woman (even if the target audience is men).

    I wouldn't say it's an attack on masculinity, though. It seems to be a horribly flawed overcompensation for gender inequality. "Women make less than men for equal work, but in commercials, they always get one up!" Great, I'm sure women everywhere are content with that victory.

  3. WTF, does he even read the bible?

    Adam messed up soon after. He fails to protect his wife, because he is a coward. He then blames his wife and in doing so he relinquishes his masculinity. Notice that after giving up his masculinity he quickly falls into lusting after his wife, which is why they have to cover themselves – to protect themselves from the lust of the other.

    Let's actually look at the Bible:

    When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.

    Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. But the LORD God called to the man, "Where are you?"

    He answered, "I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid."

    And he said, "Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?"

    The man said, "The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it."

    Then the LORD God said to the woman, "What is this you have done?"
    The woman said, "The serpent deceived me, and I ate."

    So the LORD God said to the serpent, "Because you have done this,
    "Cursed are you above all the livestock
    and all the wild animals!
    You will crawl on your belly
    and you will eat dust
    all the days of your life.

    And I will put enmity
    between you and the woman,
    and between your offspring and hers;
    he will crush your head,
    and you will strike his heel."

    To the woman he said,
    "I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing;
    with pain you will give birth to children.
    Your desire will be for your husband,
    and he will rule over you."

    To Adam he said, "Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, 'You must not eat of it,'
    "Cursed is the ground because of you;
    through painful toil you will eat of it
    all the days of your life.

    It will produce thorns and thistles for you,
    and you will eat the plants of the field.

    By the sweat of your brow
    you will eat your food
    until you return to the ground,
    since from it you were taken;
    for dust you are
    and to dust you will return."

    Adam named his wife Eve, because she would become the mother of all the living.

    The LORD God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them.

    The only thing he got right was Adam blamed it on Eve. Where the hell is the talk of lust or any of the other crap he is babbling on about?

    He lies about the Bible and we are supposed to believe him when it comes to things we can't check on?

  4. I long ago came to the conclusion that the only people who actually read the Bible, in its entirety, are nonChristians. Christians don't have to, they have Jesus you see.

  5. I tried to read that, I really did, but it's the textual equivalent of the teacher from the old Charlie Brown cartoons. The letters are all grouped into words, and the words are all in English, but when I try to read the whole thing... nothin'.

    So the only response I can come up with is - mainly to the list of qualities that a real man should have - is, "Meaning what, exactly?" And you can just go down the list and ask that for every point.


  6. This whole manhood argument is quite amusing. It is a continuation of the whole who can piss the farthest game we played in Jr High. (I never won) :)

    A real man is a guy who loves and cherishes his spouse and family. A real man will stand up for those he loves. Everything else? Personal preferences. Each man is different.

    I love sports and cry over movies. I am so conflicted these days. Maybe I should go shoot the rabbits in my backyard. :(


  7. A real woman is not an emasculated ninny.

    Neither is a real woman a hormone infused sack of passions.

    A real woman seeks to follow in the footsteps of her betters.

    She will be courageous in the face of danger.

    She will fight for and maintain self control.

    She will put to good use her lusts.

    She will be in control of her emotions and yet not afraid of them.

    She is humble, but sure of the gifts nature has given her.

    She is gentle when she should be and rough when necessary.

    She is a woman of strength of character and her word means something.

    She fulfills her promises.

    She isn’t ashamed of herself or either of her parents.

    She will put all life in the proper, non-hierarchical order.

    A real woman isn’t afraid of her character traits, but embraces them as a gift from nature. She doesn’t abuse them, but understands the way to use them in service of nature and others.

    And she won't find herself in losing herself, because that's just crazy.

  8. If masculinity is so fragile, so brittle that it is so easily destroyed, then how can it be a source of strength? Sounds like we'd all be better off without it if it's so weak and pathetic.

  9. This post has completely stripped me of all my masculinity. Now I have to pretend by being macho and beat up people that remind me how weak I am because that's what will turn me back into a man. Damn women!

    TFIC ;)

  10. Holy Fucktard Batman this guy is a completely loopy piece of shit. I like to think of myself as a testosterone infused sack of passions but I am positively liberated compared to this guy.

    Out of context some of this makes a little sense. Keeping ones word, knowing when to be firm and when to be gentle, not being ruled by ones emotions, these are good things for both genders and are among the things I teach my son about being manly.

    However in context they for one don't make any sense thanks to the incoherant and incompetent writing style. More importantly in context they do not provide a model for manliness but rather a model for being a souless steryotype of a man. The kind of patriarchal, self important abusive asshole that I thought only existed in trailer parks and the 19th century.


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