Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Controlling Much?

When it's not enough to use religion control your child's every move until adulthood (which seems to be the goal of most fundies), you can use Genesis 24 to control your child's life forever. And ever. And ever.

Mothers, you should not leave your kids to "make their own choice" in this
matter [marriage]either. If this is not your husband's and your custom, you need
to discuss this with your husband. This is altogether too important. If you are
a young lady that is not married, you should seek your parents' counsel in this
matter. If your parents are not godly, then you must seek counsel from older,
wiser saints who are following the Lord faithfully.

That's right. Adults should not be allowed to choose their own spouses and path in life. It's up to their parents to do that for them. I'm already picturing this woman following her children around, saying "breathe in, breathe out- you're not doing it right!", and this is the first paragraph.

Having a friend help you find a spouse for your child may be a good thing,
but they better be someone that has one mind with you as much as possible. A
friend whom you can entirely trust. Someone that does not agree with you on
such subjects divorce and remarriage, courtship, the KJV, church attendance,
etc., is not necessarily going to find your child a spouse that believes like
you do. Their inclination is going to be that "it doesn't really matter." Worse
yet, they may even warn the person they "find" not to tell you where they don't
agree with you since they consider it "unimportant."

It is especially good to get help from a Bible believing, godly man if
you are a widowed or single mother with marriageable kids. Your father or
brother is the obvious choice, but if he is not qualified spiritually, then your
pastor or one of the older, godly men in your church might be a good option. A
man who is mature and wise and a good judge of character (not a preacher that is
in a hurry to marry off all the single people he meets).

Since you can't marry your own kids, you're going to have work really hard to make sure they marry your clone. But ladies, you can't be trusted to run your child's life all on your own, this much insanity requires a penis to do it right.

How many people have sent their son or daughter off to some "Christian" college
where they met and married someone totally unfamiliar with the customs,
standards, and convictions of their home? In the years that follow there
can be tension, discord, and even fighting because of the differences in
background; and the relationship makes the parents weary (especially if they end
up living with their kids in their old age). And, this is assuming that both
parties are saved and trying to serve the Lord to some extent.

Because the important thing here isn't whether or not the people getting married will be happy, it's whether or not you will be happy. Can you imagine taking in this MIL into your home when she gets too infirm to live alone?

Some friends of ours had a daughter that was dating a young man from a broken
home. Her mom, being an excellent judge of character, tried to tell her daughter
that it was not going to work out, but the daughter did not believe her at
first. Then on one occasion when the young couple had made a date, the fellow
didn't show. When the girl questioned him later about it, his response was,
"Sometimes I need to go out with the guys." The trust in his home had been
violated and he had not separated himself from his parents sin. Rather, he had
learned their ways and thought nothing was wrong with it. I am thankful to say
that this young woman got out of that relationship and is happily married today.

So, all that had to be done was for the young woman in question to make it clear that breaking dates without calling is rude and won't be tolerated, but instead this is used as the reason why we can't allow adults to pick their own spouses? Wow.

Now, this is not to say that a saved person with a difficult home situation or
rough background should never marry someone who was raised in the nurture and
admonition of the Lord (Eph. 6:4). Some may teach that a couple must be equal in
every way, including their family background and or history. Do not make this
mistake, whether you have an ugly background or are from a God-honoring home.

I suppose we can accept the dirty ugliness of your parents' behaviors, but don't forget that I'm doing you a favor, you nasty, dirty, ugly thing!

But don't think simply showing up to church will be enough:

One young man of our acquaintance went out to eat with an evangelist's son
and another young man from the church he was then attending. The two other
fellows proceeded to load up the juke box with rock music. He was disgusted
and told them they were wrong for doing this. This was in a KJV-Only Baptist
church that was supposed to be separated and one with high standards. The
evangelist's son had been exalted in the congregation as well, just because he
was "Bro. so-and-so's" son and could sing. His name proved nothing about the
condition of his heart, but his actions did.

AAAAHHHH!!!! The rock music! The MTV! The Die-ah-beet-us! See what your children might choose to marry?

They might even want to marry brown people:

Then too there is the cultural problem. We heard of a missionary family that
actually came home from Africa because the African fellows where they were
working were showing too much interest in their daughters who had arrived
at womanhood. This was a matter of not marrying across national boundaries. Some
of the African fellows may have been good men, but they were not suitable in
these folks' opinion because of the cultural bounds that God has established.


Don't even let these people into your home:

If you have to have people in your home that are not acceptable for spouses for
your kids, then warn the kids and do your best to keep any marital notions from
developing on the part of your kids or the person/people that you are
ministering to. If it is possible, and your husband feels it is appropriate, it
may even be good, or even necessary, to keep certain young people out of your
home. If you can find an excuse to keep someone away that you feel would be a
problem, then make the excuse. This may seem "uncharitable and unloving" to
some; but listen mothers, we are talking about your kids' future happiness and
even their usefulness to the Lord. Would you rather be "nice" to a person you
feel "needs help" and have to see your child in a miserable marriage; or turn
that person over to someone else's care and so secure your child's married joy
in the will of God?

That's right. Don't ever let the "wrong" people into your home, because eventually, one of your children might end up married to them. That sweet little boy desperately in need of a good lunch and a hug? Fuck him! He might grow up to listen to rock music!

That's part 1 of 5, btw. There's more!


  1. Wow, blatant racism for the win!

  2. This is the sort of crap that completely dispels the illusion of a 'traditional marriage'. Very few people have arranged marriages in the U.S. anymore but that's what a traditional marriage used to be, a contract between mutually agreeing families.

  3. Good night. That's painful. As someone who grew up on the outskirts of crazy Evangelical culture and once had a thing with a girl who really wanted her parents to run her life for her I still have no fucking clue what could possibly lead someone to think like this.

    I bought a car last night. The first time my parents knew I was car shopping was when I sent them an email and said, "Hey, check it out. I bought a car. Here's a picture."

    I haven't heard from my mom. But my dad's response was, "That's cool. What'd you get on trade-in?"

    That's kinda how that should work. And I'm pretty sure that if I told them, "Hey, I'm engaged," they'd be all, "Why didn't you tell us you'd met someone(y'know, assuming they were as uninformed about the car shopping)," not, "Why didn't you get our approval to get married?"

    Anything else is just effing stupid. Then again, I'm nearly thirty. And I possess a penis. So maybe these things don't apply to me, anyway.

  4. From the article:

    "Abraham did not leave Isaac to choose his own wife by himself. Abraham was getting old and he wanted to make sure that Isaac had a good wife before he died."

    No, Abraham told his son not to get interested in any of the Cannanites, and to go back to his own country to get himself a wife (presumably by the good old "bash 'em over the head and drag 'em away by their hair" routine).

    In other words, Abe was a racist.

    So that Missionary family that left africa were just being true to the bible. Good to know.


    Not to worry, I'll just hide my devil horns under my hat when I date christian women.

  5. Wow, society and culture was so different back then. Thanks for the history lesson and reminding us how good we have it in America today.

  6. Parents: oh, hey, we found this guy--we've been talking to him and we've decided that you and he are going to court (because dating is evil).

    No one would ever say it is an arranged marriage, but that's basically what it comes down to. My objections do not matter. The only thing that matters is that my parents have decided he is a good, godly man who shares "our" values and beliefs.

    I object, and I am disobedient and not submitting to God's authority.

  7. This is what you get when you have misinformed people using the Bible as some kind of moral guide to their lives. Somehow we have to get it through peoples heads that the Bible isn't any more divine than the Qu'ran and hopefully they'll wake up from this intellectual sedation.

  8. Geds, your mom sounds a bit like my stepmom. Several years back, I went skydiving with some friends, and I brought the video over to show my folks. The only things out of my dad's mouth were several variations of, "WOW! That's awesome, sweetie!" My stepmom sat off in the corner, tight-lipped until the end when she finally said, rather primly, "You know, I just don't understand. I would NEVER do something like this without talking it over with my parents first" (and then, "By the way, somebody on the news had a horrible skydiving accident just the other day. I don't suppose you heard?") The funny thing is, I'd brought the video over for her benefit, because a few weeks earlier, she'd complained she didn't feel like she was included my life. I think it was the first time I realized this was her problem, not mine.

    As for the marriage topic, well...being a crazy couple of Jesus Campers at the time, both Hubby and I thought it would be just fabulous if he went and talked to my parents first before he officially proposed. He did, and my dad's response was one of confusion: "Um. She's a grown adult. Are you really looking for our permission?" The truth is, we really weren't. We thought of it in terms of "giving us your blessing", which roughly translates to, "Look, we've pretty much made our decision. But hey, we're 'honoring our parents' by coming and talking to you about it first. Aren't we spiffy?"

    Oh, and I love that line about "a young man from a broken home". As if that explains it all.

  9. @Anariel. Wow. Just... wow. I don't even know enough about your situation to say anything useful. Is it possible to say, "Look, I prayed and submitted myself and I really believe that God is telling me that this guy isn't part of His Plan for me?"

  10. Budgie: Geds, your mom sounds a bit like my stepmom.

    To be fair, I was literally just saying, "I haven't heard from my mom yet," without a value judgment.

    I finally did get a response, which was, "Why didn't you take your grandmother to negotiate with you?" That comes from the last time my grandmother bought a car. She'd wanted to only spend $15k, but ended up with a car in the low 20s and incentives and whatnot only dropped it down to around or 18-something including tax and destination (this was during Cash for Clunkers, so there was a steep discount). The sales guy pulled the old, "What number can I write down that would get you to buy this car today?"

    She said, "Fifteen thousand," without skipping a beat. They ended up knocking it down by another $500 or so before my grandmother grudgingly agreed to buy the car. Mind you, she'd hated everything else she'd driven and her 1996 Ford Crown Victoria was in bad shape and would never, ever be worth as much as it was during CfC. It was definitely one of those brilliant moments.

    And it did teach me an all-important lesson: never, but never, let them think you need a car and always make like you're willing to walk out. It's how I got an opening bid of $300 above invoice from my salesman when I bought my car.


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