Sometimes, you find a person so steeped in solipsism and general fail you just know they'll be the next Republican nominee for POTUS. So, America, I give you (Very) Fuzzy Logic.
Some things are complicated, difficult, seemingly impossible to fully
comprehend. To that I say, so the heck what? At some point, we have
to move past some of the things that are crippling our country, and why not
start now? Following is my (over simplified but darned fun to vent)
list of simple (simplistic, actually, but so what?) solutions to many of the
problems we face today:
To white racists: stop it
To black people: get over it
I . . . I may have had a stroke. I wonder if Fuzzy's future advice will include such gems as, "Rape victims: stop whining" or "So what if you've had every limb amputated, you don't see me complaining, do you?"
Progressives vs. PatriotsWe can do a few things about this, but none of them
involve "bipartisanship" or "compromise." I'm done "compromising" away my
liberties, my American-ness, and my country. Done. So here's what
oh, so you protested against the Patriot Act? I will condense the next two paragraphs so we can get to the good stuff faster. Progressives: stop being progressive. Conservatives: get more conservative. And then . . .
Both: some kind of secession may be in order. Set up two "Americas,"
one that is based on the Constitution (move the capital somewhere else . . .
maybe Texas), and one based on crazy BO's crazy agenda. This would be a
short-term split because once the progs have all the people who want to sponge
off of others in one place and all the hard-working, industrious people creating
prosperity, freedom, and opportunity in another, the first will fold.
Fast. Who's going to provide financial support for their idiot dreams if
we all break off? No one. That government, being all-powerful as BO
wants it to be, will resort to force, arrests, imprisonment, executions to try
to make it work (just as they do in every other instance it's tried), and before
long they'll be begging to be part of the true America. And we'll let
them. Of course.
Actually, Fuzzy, in the real world, it's the blue states that support the red states. So, good luck with that secession and don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
Iran Nuke 'em. But strategically. There are democracy- and
freedom-loving Iranians who deserve a free Iran (one that isn't a menace to the
rest of the world).
How, exactly, does one strategically nuke a country 20% the size of the US? More to the point, has someone developed a nuclear weapon that kills Islamofacistcommiesocialists while sparing freedom-lovers? I must have missed that.
War on Terror
Find them, cut off their money trails, torture them if they are high up on
the food chain, kill them.
See, now that's way better than our current strategy of sending terrorists FTD floral displays. Why didn't we think of this before?!
Illegal ImmigrationAdopt the policies of any other country on this
planet. NO other country allows illegals to pour into their country and
suck their resources dry. Place a world map on a table, close your eyes,
and point to the map . . . whatever that country's immigration policy is adopt
it here. And then deal with the freakishly large and crazy-expensive
illegal immigrant population here in that exact manner. Get the word
out. End of problem.
Okay, so, we'll adopt Somalia's immigration policy. No, wait, I've got a better idea. We'll allow the Native Americans to retroactively enforce whatever immigration policy they would like, which I'm guessing doesn't allow for Fuzzy remaining in the US. Despite the fact that I would end up somewhere in the Alps, I am all about this plan.
Treat it like the religious holiday it is and not like a scarlet letter of
shame. If you're not religious and just like the pretty lights, trees, and
presents . . . yay! Go for it; celebrate it if you wish, as you
wish. But in the open, not hiding in shame, afraid to say the words,
FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME, NO ONE IS STOPPING YOU FROM SAYING "MERRY CHRISTMAS". You just don't have the right to expect everyone on the fucking planet from saying it to you.