Monday, March 1, 2010

A Note on Weddings

Okay, look, I know, it's your special day, the day you've dreamed of since the age of 5, and you expect things to be exactly as you want them. You want your wedding to be special, different, unique. You want people to remember your wedding forever more.

Well, if you don't mind people remembering your wedding as a ginormous pain in the ass, I have a few suggestions:

1. Have a formal wedding, in June, in the South, in an outdoor setting that requires flats. That way, all the women attending your wedding will distinctly remember the tremendous joy of trying to find affordable flats appropriate for a formal wedding in June. Oh, yes, we'll remember your wedding.

2. Have your formal reception the next day, instead of immediately after your wedding. That way, everyone will have to come up with two formal dresses/suits instead of just one. We'll remember that, too.

3. Make sure your formal reception is scheduled to begin later in the evening so that everyone from out of town (your entire family) has to pay for yet another night at a hotel. We'll definitely remember that.

Hey, if anyone sees the aforementioned flats appropriate for a formal wedding in June, in black, for under $30, let me know.


  1. Do what they did in Father of the Bride and wear trainers

  2. Also, definitely have a destination wedding. Because people want to spend their vacation time/money on YOUR big day!

    Seriously, people who are getting married can be so self-centered.

  3. Target has some pretty funky flats, though I don't know whether they're exactly what you're after... loads under $30 though =)

  4. anonymous wins for invoking target on my blog. i would live there if they'd let me.

  5. Nah, show up in a decent pair of thongs. ("flip-flops" to you) and tell everyone that they're Australian formal-wear.

    Note: I hate using the term "flip-flops," but it's either that or risk a misunderstanding...

  6. I'm with James - turn up in thongs (I can't call them flip-flops it's too weird).

    My gripe with weddings - making me a bridesmaid and saying I have to buy the bridesmaid dress the bride picked out that costs $360 that I will never be able to wear again. Ever.

    My sister threw a tantrum when I wouldn't buy white heels for her wedding.

    What the fuck am I going to do with a dress covered in sparkly shit and white heels? AND I have to pay for it?? WHAT?

    And I was forced to wear make-up. I'm still pretty traumatised by it all. I hate being a bridesmaid it's such a pain in the ass. If I ever get hitched there will be NO bridesmaids!

  7. If you're more concerned about yourself than her special day(s), remember you don't HAVE to go. Being selfish saves you time and money. If they know you, they'll understand.

  8. My best friend was kind enough to wear trainers under her wedding gown, which made us bridesmades perfectly justified to wear thongs (plural, so there's no confusion) with our formal dresses. Additionally, we got a great deal ($40) on the dresses. I got a better deal ($25) on my bridesmaids' dresses, and I bought their shoes for them.


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