Thursday, October 21, 2010

Atheist Battle Strategies Against Christians

Made ya look!

(if you haven't read this post at Pharyngula, it might make more sense that way.)

It appears that the Christians have found us out, fellow atheists. They have discovered the Atheist Battle Strategies Against Christians. First they found The Atheist Agenda and now the Atheist Battle Strategies Against Christians. I don't know who keeps carelessly leaving SuperSekret Atheist Materials(tm) out where Christians can find them, but when I find that person, you will be forced to listen to Christian Rock until you beg for mercy. And then we'll make you watch Fireproof.

Anyway, since the mailing list is a little out of date, and the Christians have the Strategies anyway, I thought I'd go ahead and share them with you.

1. Boobies. We all know the merest glimpse of the female form is sinful, so full on cleavage is our best weapon. (Does not cause earthquakes.)

2. Logic. It's truly unfair how we insist upon logical responses to questions. No True Scotsman? A stroke of genius! Circular Reasoning is the atheist's cruise missile.

3. Science. This one took some doing, but setting up a system that requires reproducible, verifiable, falsifiable results is a winning strategy if I ever saw one.

4. The Internet. All that information, just a click away. Genius, guys, genius.

5. Liberal Christians. We really can't take credit for these. Contrary to rumor, the Slacktivist is not an atheist operative. He's just a really nice guy on a mission to make the world a better place.

So, feel free to guerrilla up that bitch with some logic and science on the internet, comrades.


  1. Can we add "selling them cruise missiles that run on circular reasoning" to the plot? Because that would be AWESOME.

  2. Sure, as long as "Supreme Leaders get their own sloths to carry around" is added as well.

  3. Oooh, that's good.

    But if I get to be a Supreme Leader can I have a ring-tailed lemur instead?

  4. Wait, but you're already Empress, and I want a sloth, too. :(

  5. Can I haz slow Loris?

  6. Thanks for including liberal Christians. It does bother me when some atheists classify any religious belief as bad because they view us as enabling the more fundamentalist crazy religious belief. Some of them can't get that liberal Christians are not their enemy and that we find fundamentalist Christianity equally as annoying as you do.

  7. Poor liberal Christians. Atheists generally forget to exclude you from our writings and fundys regard you as being almost as evil as we are.

    May I present you with an otter?

  8. @ Jason - No kidding. I'm no longer a Christian, but some of the fundagelicals I run into... and some of the atheist characterizations of Christianity, too. I just keep thinking, "What are you on about? That's not the Christianity I remember..."

  9. Are you sure that's all the strategies? It seems like you forgot "Unleashing the Great Purple Menace," also known as acknowledging the existance of people with sexual preferences that differ from our own. Also: socialism. Nobody seems to know what it actually means, but it's certainly scaring the living daylights out of the rightwingers.

    "It's an omen!"
    "But for who? For all we know, this could be a good sign for Lord Hong and his bunch."
    "Well, I'm nicking it."
    "You can't steal a sign from the gods!"
    "Just watch me. [thrusts sword in the air] THE GOD'S SMILE UPON US! HAHAHA!"
    "Just to scare 'em a little."


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