Friday, October 15, 2010

Put Down the Stupid, Ma'am

This is weapons grade stupid right here. So fucking stupid I'm losing brain function thinking about it. So fucking stupid I would think the writer would have been rendered catatonic, except that she's posted blog entries since, so the only conclusion I can draw is that homophobes are so saturated in stupid they have become immune to it.

If you think that sounds unnecessarily mean, keep reading. Just don't complain when you find yourself unable to do basic math or find the US on a map afterwards. I warned you.

(The following is supposed to be the result of DADT being repealed. Keep that in mind. The following is the result of a ruling that allows gays in the military to openly discuss their partners, just like their heterosexual compatriots have always been allowed to.)

Scene: Military base, mess hall. Several male soldiers are seated around a table.

Soldier A: So, yeah, then I got a call from my...

(He pauses, and looks down at the table.)

Soldier A: Sorry.

Soldier B: No problem. You were saying?

Soldier A: Yeah, I was on the phone and she said...wait, can I say that?

Soldier C: Um, I think so.

Soldier B: No, actually. You can tell us what you heard--no pronouns.

Soldier A: Right. Well, anyway...well...oh, forget it.

(There is silence. A female soldier enters and joins them.)

Soldier D: Hi, guys. Why so quiet?

Soldier A: (glumly) Oh...you know.

Soldier D: Let me guess. The Military Personnel Conversational Restriction Act?

Soldier B: Mmm-hmm.

Soldier C: Better know as the Just Shut Up Already Act.

If you are still able, please consider this for a moment. This fucking idiot truly believes that a gay soldier being allowed to say, "I talked to my boyfriend last night" without being kicked out of the military will lead to all soldiers being unable to talk about anything.

I'd ask how fucking stupid any one person can be, but there it is. That fucking stupid.


8 comments:

  1. You know, sometimes I really like it here in Opposite World because it has some perks like the subway always being on time and never smelling. But it also has its downsides, like this imaginary conversation.

    Freeing speech leads to restricted speech. Opposite World.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ironically she's making the point in favor of repealing DADT by illustrating the predicament gay service members are currently in but cast onto heterosexuals.

    Just more evidence supporting your thesis I suppose.

    Super J.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I read. I’m left unexpectedly unperturbed, especially after all that hype. Dang, I was hoping for some real mind-melting, nuclear-fusion-triggering, universe-shattering stupid, and all I got was some boring hypothetical exchange with some inane nonsense thrown in.

    Color me disappointedly unimpressed.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Scene: Military base, mess hall. Several male soldiers are seated around a table.

    Soldier A: So, yeah, then I got a call from my girlfriend... She's pregnant.

    Soldier B: Really? From the last time you were home?

    Soldier A: Looks like. It's a little earlier than we expected - we weren't actually planning to get married until next summer. But still... I'm gonna be a dad, y'know?

    Soldier B: That's so cool. My husband's hoping we can adopt when I get back stateside.

    Soldier C: I am *so* not ready for that. But hey, good for you.

    (Brief silence falls. A female soldier enters and joins them.)

    Soldier D: Hi, guys. Why so quiet?

    Soldier B: Thinking about children, actually.

    Soldier C: They are. I'm not.

    Soldier A: My girlfriend's pregnant.

    Soldier D: No kidding? Mine is, too.

    Soldier C: Um...?

    Soldier D: Artificial insemination. She should be just starting to show when my term is up.

    Soldier C: Oh, okay. Well, congrats to you, too.

    Soldier A: Sure am glad you can tell us about it... without risking your job,I mean.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Honestly, I think that's the real fear: if gays (etc.) serve openly in the military, it'll go a long way towards making homosexuality seem normal to mainstream America.

    ReplyDelete
  6. And here I thought they were worried about male gay soldiers raping straight male soldiers in foxholes. Now I see their concern is free speech. Makes more sense now!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Honestly, I think that's the real fear: if gays (etc.) serve openly in the military, it'll go a long way towards making homosexuality seem normal to mainstream America.

    You're probably right. My grandfather was 87 when he died 15 years ago. He was raised in a time when racism was just what white people did. So, he was a racist - until he spent 4 years in WWII fighting on the same side as black soldiers. That ended his racism within a few months, and after that he would not tolerate the slightest hint of racism in his presence. He was well known, and quite reviled, where he lived for being the only white construction company owner who would hire black men over white men (if said black men were the best workers available) and paying blacks the same as whites. This was in the mid 50s, mind you.

    So, yeah, out gays in the military really could change the country as a whole.

    ReplyDelete

Comments are for you guys, not for me. Say what you will. Don't feel compelled to stay on topic, I enjoy it when comments enter Tangentville or veer off into Non Sequitur Town. Just keep it polite, okay?

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