Wednesday, October 20, 2010

It Gets Purple and It Gets Better

Here's me being purple, because I do stand up for the treatment of GLBT persons as, well, people. I don't think anyone should be bullied, I don't think anyone should be discriminated against and I don't think anyone should be made to feel so desperate and hopeless that they believe death to be the only solution.

I'm not gay, but I have been bullied. Relentlessly. Mercilessly. My entire childhood sucked up into the despair and pain of being bullied.

If you are being bullied, I have been where you are. If you think life will never get better, I've thought that, too. If you think that suicide might be the only way out, well, been there, got the scars on my wrists to prove it.

That was an attempt at a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Thing is, I'm still here. I'm here because it gets better. So much better you'll have a hard time believing me.

I found love. I found friends who accept me exactly as I am. I cosplay at Starbucks on a Tuesday and I don't care who laughs at me, because I'm having fun. I laugh all the time now. I'm poor and chronically ill and partially disabled- and life is good.

Thing is, high school is bullshit. If high school were the best years of your life, you have a very sad life. High school isn't life. High school is a pressure cooker of crazy. The only good thing is high school ends. And then? You're free to go. You're free to move somewhere else, to never see bullies again, to find people who love you.

And you will. Find people who love you, that is. I know this seems impossible, in the tiny little world that is high school, but the world is a big place. There are over 6,000,000,000 people on this planet and trust me, at least a few of them will get you immediately. At least a few will think you're the coolest, awesomemest, bestest person they've ever met. I know, it seems impossible now, but it will happen. I swear to you, it will get better.

I never think of the bullies anymore, unless I'm reading or writing about bullying. I don't worry what people think of me anymore. So what? Yeah, I wear a Jaegermonster sigil every day, at work, to the store, where ever. You think that's weird? Too bad, it makes me happy. That's how good life gets, I don't have to care what anyone thinks, I have friends who think it's awesome that I'm weird. I get to go home and hang out with people who love me. Bullies? After high school, they don't matter.

So hang in there. It gets better. If you are thinking of suicide, please call 1-800-273 TALK. Right now. If you need encouragement, there are thousands of videos from people who have been in your shoes, and all of their lives are better. If you need me to write you a hundred more essays on how much better it gets, I'll do that, too. Just ask. I don't know you, but I do care. Please, stay alive. It gets better.


  1. I'm wearing my purple today!! For you, for my daughter, my sister and anyone else who feels less than worthy because of who they are.

  2. The color purple just hung itself because everyone was calling it gay. Nice job, people...

  3. Since no one else has said it...

    Really, dude? You think that's fucking funny?

  4. Great post, PF. Brave and heartfelt and I really hope it finds it's way to the eyes that need to read it. I'm sharing it on my FB page(s)

    Um, Ginx, tacky to the bone, man.

  5. Sorry, obviously you guys are busy doing serious stuff here, like believing your fashion choices makes some sort of difference.

    But since perpetuating gay stereotypes in their honor is all the rage among the liberals these days, any chance I can skip the purple and just pop some E while dancing to techno?

  6. Alright, listen up, dipshit. I'm only going to say this once, because you're not even worth the effort I've put in to it so far:

    Wearing purple and telling people that, "It gets better," is abso-fucking-loutely NOT perpetuating "gay stereotypes." It's not like we're having, "Mince around dressed Fabulously while speaking in a lisp," day.

    We're having a, "There's a bigger world and some people are making the statement that not everyone is a narrow minded jackass who thinks you're sub-human because you prefer to have sex with people who have genitals that are the same shape as your own," day. My individual wardrobe choice might not make a damn bit of difference, as I'm a big fan of my purple shirt and will probably wear it next week, too. But it's the overall effect.

    Somewhere out there is a struggling gay kid who can't see past the jackasses who bully him because when you're in high school you can't see past that narrow world. But that kid is on Facebook. That kid is on the internet reading blogs. That kid is watching the "It Gets Better" videos. And that kid can see that there is a bigger world and know that, yes, it does get better.

    And maybe that will give that kid the strength he needs to see things through. And maybe that's not just one kid, but a whole shitload of kids.

    So do I believe it makes a difference? Hell yes.

    Do I believe you should go fuck yourself and your own self-important pig-shit ignorance? Hell yes. You're not funny. You're not clever. You're not helping.

  7. Techno and drugs are gay stereotypes? Since friggin' when?

    It's not the damn colour, Bret, it's the message. It's the possiblity that in or out gay's might see someone wearing purple on that day and realise they're not alone, that there's others out there who care enough to say, publically, "We're not like them. We don't hate you".

    Your joke made light of the fact that kids are being driven to suicide: that's why it was horrible, not because you were having a go at gay stereotypes or purple day. Either of those could easily have been funny in a "bad taste joke" sort of way, but kids dying isn't, okay?

    On topic, @ PF: Heart-wrenching to read, but in a good way. Bullying doesn't make anyone tougher, despite what some say: you either cope with it or you don't. I coped, for the most part. You're right, it does get better.

  8. Oh, and the whole wear purple on "Spirit Day" thing was the idea of GLAAD, y'know, the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation. Also. Too.

  9. Do I believe you should go fuck yourself and your own self-important pig-shit ignorance? Hell yes. You're not funny. You're not clever. You're not helping.

    This is the kind of response I expect from someone preaching tolerance...

    Talk about not helping. You should wear brown and give a shit for your fellow human being. Or maybe yellow, because you're too much of a coward to actually do anything to help others. Or maybe you should wear green, since you are just recycling bad ideas that serve no purpose beyond making yourself feel better.

    And who came up with purple? Is it because royalty wear purple, and gay people are queens? I thought rainbows and triangles were the generally accepted symbols.

  10. Bret, if you were GLBT we'd be all too happy to tolerate your lifestyle. That doesn't mean we have to tolerate you being a fucking asshole.

    There *IS* a difference. But I guess if you're willfully ignorant enough to pigeonhole the entire GLBT community into the rainbows and raves scene, you can't understand the distinction between personal lifestyle and public behavior.

    If you think people aren't doing enough, shut the hell up and do what you're accusing others of not doing. If you think the whole thing's goofy, shut the hell up and let people who actually care have their goofiness. Either way, for the love of all that is good in the universe: just shut the hell up.

  11. An essay on purple:

    I saw two people at work wearing purple yesterday. I don't talk about atheism or gay rights or any controversial subject at work. But when I saw them wearing purple, I asked if there was any reason they were wearing purple. They both said, "for the gays, you know."

    Now I know, for a fact, that two other people at work care at least a little bit, and if I found that out yesterday, how many other people did? How many of those people were gay themselves, perhaps startled to discover a person who cares? If even one of those people was contemplating suicide, then yesterday was a success.

    At the very least, I think better of my coworkers than I did Tuesday. That's something.

  12. It was an excellent post and it was "Liked" a lot on my personal Facebook page and also on my Bright Nepenthe Facebook page. It was a good deed well done, and courageous to show such visual and visceral evidence of your own struggle PF. It made it real, which is why Ginx got properly slammed. Sad fact that he appears unable to grasp the idea that your wasn't about GAY people, it was about bullying PEOPLE and standing up against it, in fact not caring about whether they are gay or not gay, but caring about the fact that we are all humans deserving of hope and respect.

    Meanwhile, on the Comtesse front, I really think that I want to knight Geds. Can we? Please? Please, my Empress, may we knight him?

  13. I want to knight Geds


    Would it push me over the top if I pointed out the irony that a guy who belittled suicide accused the guy who told him to STFU of not giving a shit about humanity?

    Because I'm guessing what it means is, "You don't give a shit about my right to be a completely self-absorbed asshole." Which is fundamentally untrue, as I believe he has that right. I just also believe that I have the right to point out that he's a horrible person.

  14. If we're going to knight Geds, then I'm going to need a sword to do it.

    So we'd better knight Geds so I finally have an excuse to buy a sword.

    Look at that logic. Flawless.

  15. Look at that logic. Flawless.

    I believe that it was similar logic that resulted in me getting a 32" LCD TV for my bedroom. My regular TVs were in the moving truck, but I wanted to get my satellite service set up before they got to me (because shut up, that's why).

    So I finally had an excuse to replace my fuzzy old 25" CRT. Which is now in the second bedroom because, as it turns out, original Nintendos don't so much work with LCD TVs.

    And in case you're wondering, yes, I own three TVs and yes, I live alone. I believe that I am why Al Qaeda hates America.

  16. I clicked on that link to Girl Genius, and as I looked at the first page, I thought "that looks like the art of Phil Phoglio." Lo and behold, I was right! I am unbelievably awesome.

  17. Hey, whatever works for you CN. I could use the katana but I'm really thinking something big, broad and more Celtic in feel. But really we just need to knight him. He deserves it.

    Ankhoneirsinfinitus, it's totally awesome!


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