Monday, October 25, 2010

Stop Dressing Like a Terrorist! (I mean you, JBiebs)

The most famous of all terrorist fashion statements, at least in the US, is the hoodie, as made famous by Ted Kaczynski, who was also attempting to popularize unkempt hair and beards, apparently. Unless you want people to think you are a terrorist, you should probably get rid of that hoodie and cut that hair.

Timothy McVeigh, American terrorist, preferred a more groomed look, and white T-shirts. If you don't want people to think you are a terrorist, grow a beard and don't wear white T-shirts. Maybe you shouldn't be a man anymore, as well. Just to be sure.

Andrew Joseph Stack III, frequently referred to as a "tax protestor", flew a plane into a government building. Clearly terrorism. He favored plaid button downs. Remove any plaid button downs from your wardrobe immediately if you don't want to freak people out on planes.

Hutaree, famous for a multipart plot to kill police officers by the dozens, made it just threatening to be a woman as a man, by including a woman in their group. They preferred to wear colored T-shirts and camouflage.

So, just to review, if you don't want people to mistake you for a terrorist, shave your beard and cut your hair, don't be clean shaven, don't be a man, don't be a woman, don't wear hoodies, don't wear plaid button downs, don't wear white or colored T-shirts and don't wear camouflage.

Oh, wait, silly me. All you have to do is not be brown in America. American nonMuslim terrorists don't exist, you see.


  1. Okay, so: suit and tie, neatly-trimmed beard, fashionable mid-length hair. Now nobody will ever mistake me for a terrorist!

    Wait, what? Hans Gruber? Who's he?

    (Okay, it may be a little early for Christmas movies, but still...)

  2. You're still a man, right? Terrorist! I'm not getting on any planes I see men on, I'll tell you that much.

  3. Dammit, I'm running out of options here! How about... green hair, purple suit and clown makeup? Now nobody will...

    [randomly attacked by Christian Bale]

  4. Admittedly there are no other "terrorists" categories either.

  5. it drives me nuts, that fanatic christian fundies are *never* called terrorists, and that run around screaming about being discriminated against when someone suggests they SHOULD be called terrorists if they commit terroristic acts - and then those same assholes turn around and demand ANY and EVERY Muslim and/or Arab and/or Middle Easterner - regardless of religious preferance - be considered a terrorist.


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