Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Liar Liar Pants on Fire*

Franklin Graham warns that the spirit of the anti-Christ is everywhere. Including his own mouth, it appears.

But preaching the Gospel may prove difficult, according to Graham, in a society where mentioning the name of Christ is prohibited.

That's not true at all. At all. Not even a little bit. You are more than welcome to talk about Jesus on your own time as much as you want. I checked to see if Graham was talking about China or Iran, but he's not. He's talking about the United States.

He goes on to say this:

Despite the opposition, Graham asked students to take advantage of the abundant opportunities forevangelism in today's era, especially through the Internet. He mentioned some options like purchasing key words like "God," "Jesus," or even "Muhammad."

Now wait a minute, Franky, are you completely prohibited from mentioning Jesus or are there "abundant" opportunities to do so? It's one or the other, but certainly not both, asshat.

Also, um, how does one purchase key words? If anyone knows, I would like "sloth", "pudding" and "gummy worms".

*I'm not sure if this rhyme is popular outside of the US, so for those who may not be familiar with it, the entire phrase is "Liar, liar, pants on fire, hang you by your nose from a telephone wire." No idea how that got started.


  1. Deceiver, dissembler
    Your trousers are alight
    From what pole or gallows
    Shall they dangle in the night?

    When I asked of your career
    Why did you have to kick my rear
    With that stinking lie of thine
    Proclaiming that you owned a mine?

    When you asked to borrow my stallion
    To visit a nearby-moored galleon
    How could I ever know that you
    Intended only to turn him into glue?

    What red devil of mendacity
    Grips your soul with such tenacity?
    Will one you cruelly shower with lies
    Put a pistol ball between your eyes?

    What infernal serpent
    Has lent you his forked tongue?
    From what pit of foul deceit
    Are all these whoppers sprung?

    Deceiver, dissembler
    Your trousers are alight
    From what pole or gallows
    Do they dangle in the night?

    ("The Liar" by William Blake, 1810)

    I always heard it as, "Liar liar, pants on fire, clothes are hanging from a telephone wire." No clue how hanging by your nose got into yours.

  2. "Well-known celebrity preacher Franklin Graham was today admitted to hospital with severe burns to his legs and lower abdomen. When questioned about these injuries, his spokespeople declined to comment.
    In unrelated news, God was spotted chuckling amusedly to himself on a beach in southern florida."

  3. The correct, lyrics, are
    "Your nose is longer than a telephone wire"


  4. I'd always thought it was, "Nose hangs over a telephone wire." That at least has the right cadence.


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