Saturday, June 13, 2009

Sinless Sex

sex, sin, christian,
I have found something so funny, I simply must share it with you. It is a flowchart for moral sexual decision making.

In case you have trouble with flowcharts, I will list all the circumstances that must be in place for a christian couple to morally have joyless sex.

You can feel free to have sex if:

You are married.
You are having sex with your spouse.
You have been married at least 3 days.
The wife is not menstruating, pregnant or nursing.
It is not Lent, Advent, Whitsun Week, Easter week, a feast day, a fast day, Sunday, Wednesday, Friday, or Saturday.
The sun has set.
You are not naked.
You are not in church.
You do want a child.

Otherwise, go somewhere and don't masturbate.

6 comments:

  1. I laughed the whole time I was reading the flowchart. Where do you find priceless shit like that?

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  2. uuuuuuuuuuuuumm...

    what's with the "been married more than 3 days" about?

    srsly? IIRC, part of the ORIGINAL "Christian" wedding ceremony was the happy bridal couple being escourted to the bedroom, witness standing around listening to PROVE sex had happened, and then taking the sheets to PROVE she was virginal...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Didn't they have to stay in the room for 3 days? That would mean they couldn't read the flowchart I guess?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Kerri - now that you mention it, i remember reading about things like that, too...

    in the abstract, pretty much *al* wedding and marriage customs are weird to outsiders. there are places (nominally Christian places, too!) where a couple can't get married until they are pregnant, places where a couple *must* live together for a year before they get married, places where a couple isn't allowed to see each other at ALL for a period of time before they marry...

    all weird. i wonder what aliens would say of our customs?

    ReplyDelete

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