No Judges at All . . . Until the Android Army Arrives

I would like to say that I welcome our eventual Android Overlords and their relentlessly logical rule, even if it does do unfortunate things to reality television. No wait, especially if it does unfortunate things to reality television.

We're going to need those androids if Bryan Fischer, of the American Family Association, has his way.

"[A] gay judge's sexual preference will, without any question whatsoever, 'interfere with their job.' It's not possible for it to be otherwise... We simply should not elevate to the highest court in the land people who are known for engaging in sexually abnormal behavior which would technically make them felons in a quarter of the states over which they will have jurisdiction." -- Bryan Fischer, American Family Association

Well, Bryan, by your logic, absolutely no one is qualified to be a judge. If a homosexual's orientation will interfere with their job, I fail to see how a heterosexual's orientation will not interfere with their job, so we're going to need someone is neither gay, nor straight, and certainly not bisexual, being both, so . . . android.

As for homosexuals being felons in a quarter of the states, have you seen the laws still on the books in these states? Most heterosexual acts are illegal, too. Ever had oral sex? You're a felon. Anal sex? Go straight to jail. Male trucker having sex with a female toll collector in the toll booth? In Pennsylvania that's illegal. (Female truckers are free to have sex with male toll collectors in the toll booth, and anyone can have sex with anyone driving a vehicle other than a truck in the toll booth.) Sex with a porcupine? In Florida, that's forbidden. (Of all the laws you'd think you wouldn't have to pass . . .) Seriously, sexual laws in the US are hilarious- and cover pretty much anything you'd want to do, and a great many things I can't believe anyone ever did or thought about doing.

I think we need to go further, though. The word replace on the above quote can be used with any descriptive, really. For example:

[A] white/black/hispanic/pacific islander/native american/other judge's race will, without any question whatsoever, 'interfere with their job.' It's not possible for it to be otherwise...

So . . . androids, who don't have opinions so much as they have facts. Or possibly someone who is white and black and hispanic and pacific islander and native american and other simultaneously, because possibly holding all those backgrounds at once would even everything out. Or not.

[A] male/female/tall/short/abled/disabled/attractive/unattractive/thin/obese judge's life experiences will, without any question whatsoever, 'interfere with their job.' It's not possible for it to be otherwise...

So, we'll need someone who neither male nor female, neither tall nor short, neither able nor disabled, neither attractive nor unattractive, neither thin nor obese . . . this will either be the most nondescript hermaphrodite in all of history, or an android.

Hold up a flag for the Android Army, because we're going to need them.