Wednesday, April 14, 2010

No Pants for Women- From a Guy Who Wears a Dress

Ha! Can you see what you're wear-- oh.

We all know the Catholic Church exists in some sort of dreamland wherein the above outfit is what mercenaries wear and the issue with legitimized, organization-wide child abuse is the Jews, but an essay on the issue of proper male dress from a man who wears a dress is verging on theatre of the absurd.

The first point I happen to agree with.

Tight and tiny swimwear for men seems just as inappropriate for men as for women. There is simply no good reason to wear tiny speedo suits outside of certain very limited swim-racing situations. The purpose is obviously to arouse sexual interest and to display what ought not be displayed. Further, I will say, most men look just plain silly wearing such swimwear. Larger “boxer-shorts” style bathing suits seem far more appropriate.

Nobody wants that close a look at your balls. No one.

Going shirtless should be limited. I am not aware that women are all that tempted by shirtless men, even those who are slender and muscular.

HAHAHAHAHAHA! I don't even know what to say about that. I can't say that all women are tempted by hot, ripped guys without shirts on. Blind women probably aren't. The rest of us, well, there's a reason doing an image search on Naveen Andrews returns about 1,000,000 pictures of him shirtless. 1,000,000 delightful reasons to live. In fact, when I become Empress of the Entire Freakin' World, I will require that Naveen Andrews be shirtless at all times. I might put in an exception for funerals. Maybe.

But if the women on this blog tell us men that it is at times problematic then we ought to stop. A further concern about going shirtless other than in beach settings and limited sports settings is that it just seems a bit rude and far too casual. Our society has become so casual about everything. Men walking through city parks without shirts just seems too informal and frankly I don’t care for it.

Get off my lawn!

Such behavior was not commonly accepted in this country prior to the 1960s.

Get. Off. My. Lawn.

Find a cool and comfortable shirt men and wear it. It does not belong tied around your waist. Neither should your t-shirt be pulled up over the back of your head to expose your belly and chest. It’s just ugly, inelegant and far too casual for public parks. Save it for the back yard or the beach.

Your shirt pulled up over the back of your head is appropriate at the beach? No, that's not appropriate anywhere. It's just plain weird.

Saggy drawers have to go – no one cares to see your underwear. Please! Pull your pants up. This dumb trend that emerged from gansta culture is thankfully on the wane but it isn’t disappearing fast enough.

On the one hand, I agree. Pants hanging on for dear life at mid thigh is just silly. However, Vatican officials referencing "gansta culture"- misspelling it, no less- is even sillier.

Tight fitting jeans and open shirts are retro and wrong. Back in the 1970s we went through a lot of dopey stuff where men’s fashions started to take on rather feminine notions. The disco era brought this to its high point. It was an era of extremely tight jeans. Men started unbuttoning their shirts two and three buttons down. In those days hairy chests were in and an exposed hairy chest with gold necklaces was not uncommon. Jeans were worn low and large belt buckles to draw the look below the belt were being worn. Boots were also often worn. It was all silly and stupid looking: Men getting dolled up. The purpose was to strut your stuff. Men trying to sexualize themselves. I don’t really remember what the women thought at that time. Were they attracted by this? That seems to have been the purpose and if it was meant to tempt women, it was wrong. Every now and then these retro fashions try to make a come back. Bottom line is that men should dress modestly in loose fitting comfortable clothing. Shirts should be buttoned. Large belt buckles or things to draw attention to the waist are inappropriate and can be sinful.

So, retro is sinful? Also, why is an entirely shirtless man unlikely to draw female attention, but a halfway unbuttoned shirt (Rico Suave!) is made of sin? I'm frankly more offended by the relentless use of the passive voice- "Boots were being worn"- than by psuedo 70s fashion. "Men trying to sexualize themselves" is a sentence fragment, btw. I find it odd that while Msgr Pope (Wait, could we end up with Pope Pope? That would be awesome!) can describe male fashion to the last displayed chest hair and belt-emphasized crotch, he has no idea how women view or react to any of this. That's . . . telling.

I’ll never get used to men wearing earrings. This many not pertain to modesty per se and I know men whom I respect that have earrings. But I’ll never get used to it and live for the day when earrings on a man are gone from the scene

Dude, have you seen the Swiss Guard? I'll bet they'd wear earrings in their eyeballs if they could just put on some camouflage uniforms. (Actually, what they wear currently may qualify as camouflage at the Vatican.) Oh, and get the hell off my lawn.

Wear a suit more often – Our culture is so casual. Suits and Ties are getting rare. Many men no longer even know how to tie a Tie. They have to ask their mother. Go to a learn how to tie a tie and read the three-part series on purchasing and wearing a decent suit. It is modest and professional. We priests too need to stop bumming around and learn the art of wearing our clerical attire well, to include a tailored cassock:

Do your yardwork in a suit and tie! Wash to the dishes whilst displaying a lovely Double Windsor! Tailored cassock? I clicked on the link. It's a dress. With pleats. And thread-of-gold embroidery. Capelets are optional. There's even one that looks like a modern take on a 18th Century Prussian Cavalryman's uniform. If 18th Century Prussian Cavalrymen wore dresses. (For anyone who follows Girl Genius, tell me that the blue and yellow outfit isn't a close approximation of what Maxim wears.)

Seriously, pleated, embroidered dresses with optional capelets and you're going to tell other people what to wear? I don't think so.


  1. That’s … actually not nearly as insane as I thought it was gonna be at first. Not that I agree, but it’s not certifiably paint-a-horse-purple loony.

    And, saggy “gangsta” pants ought to come drenched in oil so that we can set those who wear them on fire. It looks even worse than speedoes on fat guys (or girls). It’s just – wrong. Seriously, people, learn to A) buy clothes of the correct size, and B) if needed, get a friggin’ belt.

    Having lived years (too many) with my (halfway-)delinquent brother and his (fully-)delinquent street chums has rather turned me off to that sort of style. Ergh.

  2. First of all, I think it's funny he has such an issue with earrings on men and not being "used" to them, when you can stroll through just about any museum with Renaissance paintings and see earrings all over the European male portrait subjects.

    Second of all, I do wish my husband would dress up more - or just not wear sweats quite so often - but the point is, it's his choice. And I certainly don't expect a religious figure to tell him how to dress.

  3. I was going to point that out. Throughout history, things like makeup, lace, long hair and high heels have been the province of men. it's only recently that a huge dichotomy between men's and women's fashion has popped up.

    I blame Beau Brummel. Damn him and his stark black suits and Hessians washed in champagne.

  4. I actually agree with 90% of what he said.

    - Speedo's: No.
    - Shirtless unless you're swimming or a male model: No.
    - Saggy Drawers: Aw hell naw!
    - Tight fitting jeans: I'm vaguely in favor of these, but only because I think there is a good chance that running in them might neuter the person wearing them. Natural Selection in action!
    - Open shirts: Only okay if you've got a 70's style pimp hat to go with it.
    - Wearing earrings: I think it's creepy to jab holes in yourself. That goes for women as well. But if girls can do it, guys can too. Just don't do that freaky thing where you keep widening the hole till you can fit a finger through it and then put a huge ring in to keep it open. Seriously, that's an incredibly stupid accident waiting to happen.
    - Wearing a suit: suit's are uncomfortable, and they either make you look rediculously cool, or a douchebag. Sometimes both at once.

  5. « - Tight fitting jeans: I'm vaguely in favor of these, but only because I think there is a good chance that running in them might neuter the person wearing them. Natural Selection in action! »

    I LOLed, I did.

  6. wearing micro suits for men and women have the same outcome
    a great tan line!

    Mens swimwear

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