Saturday, April 17, 2010

Mild Case of Death Healed in Dallas

No, really. That's what it says at the Elijah Challenge's website: Dead Woman Raised Back to Life in Dallas. I can't tell exactly what the Elijah Challenge is, they may be faith healers or people who train faith healers. The About Us page includes a link entitled Becoming a False Prophet. But I want to know more about that dead lady in Dallas.

Jay Bartlett received Elijah Challenge Training through online teachings and reports. He wrote:

"Just wanted to send a praise report as you had a critical part in this (as your online teachings and reports equipped me). I recently had the honor to raise a young lady from the dead in Austin, Texas.

Four times I had to bring back a young lady from the dead (she had no pulse, her body was limp, and she had stopped breathing and was cold). The demons were within a young lady who had traveled with her father to Austin to receive freedom from the demons that were tormenting her life. The first spirit that surfaced was a spirit named "Blasphemy." He was quite aggressive and violent. It took three men to hold her. He spoke in different demonic languages, criss-crossed her eyes, disfigured her body, manifested various burning smells within the room, exhibited supernatural power, and was extremely blasphemous (as it repeated blasphemy in a Germanic-like accent*). We expelled hundreds of these spirits.

Then "Destroyer" surfaced and was entirely different and a higher level demonic entity that which literally put her to death at least 4 four times during the deliverance–--no pulse, no breathing whatsoever, her body cold and limp, and no life. As you can imagine, the lady's father was frantic (but strong in Jesus) when he saw her dead–--she was gone. But with the commands in the name of Jesus we spoke life and raised her back to life. I breathed in her life, via her mouth, the life of the Holy Spirit and she was revived (like the prophet Elijah in the Old Testament). In each instance when she was in the state of death I had to breathe life in her. Jesus answered our prayers and raised her from the dead back to life!"

I should probably call the NRC, because crazy that nuclear probably needs a permit from a nuclear regulatory agency.

*Maybe she was just a Jäger. They were created by Vlad "the Blasphemous" Heterodyne, after all.


  1. Allow me to be the first on this blog to call "Bullshit!"

    There, my duty is done.

  2. Isn't this practising medicine without a license?
    When your kid dies, aren't you supposed to, I dunno, take her to a hospital or something?

  3. You think that represents craziness? Check this out (work-safe):

  4. Jagermonsters are way too cool to go to freaking faith healer.

  5. CPR = Jesus.
    Ergo: Lifeguards = Holy men.
    Ergo: Baywatch was wildly inaccurate.

    And now I leave the rest to your imagination. With any luck you'll be able to stop yourself from imagining the Pope in...



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