Friday, May 8, 2009

Can We Stop Handing Out Keyboards to Absolutely Everyone?

stupid, religion, atheism, atheist, dartmouth, asshat
I always thought of Dartmouth as one of those places where smart people congregate. Sam Buntz, at, has proved me wrong.*

Atheism is a hip new craze so hip and new that Ben Franklin was into it!, according to a recent article in The New York Times, and has supplanted such prior fads as pogs and Pokemon trading cards and Magic the Gathering and Dungeons & Dragons! (“More Atheists Shout It From the Rooftops**,” April 26). But the nice thing about atheism is that it is easier than pogs and Pokemon yes, being more hated than any other group, is easier than Pokemon. jackass., because you don’t really have to do anything. headdesk You just have to maintain that you don’t ever think something. my forehead will never be the same. i don't ever believe something, which is entirely different from thinking something. let me put it this way: i'm straight. i, a woman, sexually desire men. i also occasionally have sexual thoughts about other women. yes, i'm an atheist, but i do think about supreme beings from time to time. spleenweasel.

The Times accorded this new propulsion warp factor 6! behind non-belief to increased atheist alliances on college campuses. They reported that “The Secular Student Alliance***” currently has 146 chapters — up from 43 in 2003. I’m not sure if we have any similar group at Dartmouth — perhaps all of their events and picnics centered on having not thought a particular thought slipped under my radar i now officially hate you— but there is certainly a noticeable proliferation of atheism and nihilism wtf?! what. the. fuck. does atheism have to do with nihilism? nothing!. I feel that our culture has become so thoroughly unromantic, so disengaged from the religious stories (fictional or not) that have nurtured humanity since the immemorial past, that I can’t conceive of a more irrelevant time to be writing and creating. so don't. i'm sure the world will carry on without your pretentious crap.

I don’t really have a problem with atheism, except that it’s dull and boring. well, i'm sorry we're not sufficiently entertaining for you. next time i'll put on tittie tassles. I’d rather hang out with someone who believes a total lie, as long as it’s a creative, coherent, sophisticated and interesting lie.

you know, i didn't like this sort of pretentious, asshatting, college student beatification of insanity when i was a pretentious, asshatting college student. essentially, he is saying that delusion is more valid than truth sheerly because delusion is interesting. yes, i would find it interesting if somebody actually said that they sincerely believe there is an invisible pink unicorn in their basement. i would not find it admirable.

If you need to lead your life by some narrative no, i don't, hence the atheism, there are a hundred more convincing and interesting narratives than “This all just happened to happen, so let’s adjust ourselves to the joys of binge drinking, presidential elections, the gym and blocking out the utter hollowness of life by humming a merry tune.” ah yes, "atheists are all miserable". that meme is getting a little old. current annoyance aside, i am not depressed, i do not binge drink, yes i totally vote in presidential elections (thought i'm happy sam apparently doesn't), and when did physical fitness become nihilism? The aesthetics of the idea are loathsome. atheism is not aesthetically pleasing enough to you? that's how you decide what the truth is? somebody get me the cattle prod.

next we descend into the "atheists are all mass murdering baby rapers" meme.

I recall reading a debate between Bertrand Russell and a Roman Catholic bishop regarding God, morality, etc. At one point in the argument, Russell concedes that his morality is based on his feelings. As Peter Blair ‘12 noted in his last column (“Missing Morality***,” April 22), from the atheistic perspective, if you get your rocks off from rape and murder, that’s cool. There is no imperative to follow any evolutionarily imprinted idea of morality — especially if it makes you feel good not to. The Columbine killers found it gratifying to mow down their fellow students. They were just following their bliss.

what you are referring to is psychopathy, not atheism. atheists act just like everyone else. try actually researching your offensive opinions next time.

His solution to the problem? A new religion that has more "interest", sufficient "interest" to capture the attention of psychopaths and the mentally ill. No, really. (I have never seen anyone quite so into delusion.)

Many people (myself included) have a problem with this idea. However, I do not blame the spread of nihilistic morality on atheists, but rather on religious people. We simply haven’t furnished an updated story. The Bible and the Koran both need some heavy-handed revision. When the Japanese author Haruki Murakami studied the sarin gas attacks carried out on the Tokyo Subway by the Aum Shinrikyo cult, he came to the conclusion that most of the cult members were just normal people who hadn’t found an interesting enough story in the sterile, secular world of modern-day Japan. They ended up turning to a fantasy story that quickly evolved into a doomsday scenario straight out of Stephen King’s “The Stand.” Murakami’s conclusion was that we, as a society, owe it to other people — and to ourselves — to provide a fresh, adaptable story that can help us lead wholesome, decent lives.

I don't even know what to say about this. it's ridiculous. it's insane. more to the point, it's fucking stupid. Stooopid.

*crap, has he "proved" me wrong, or "proven me wrong"? I'm so annoyed, I don't even know.

** thanks for making me link it, lazy asshat.

*** links, you lazy asshatting asshat!


  1. Nicely deconstructed!

    As an avid Haruki Murakami fan; I feel dirty all over knowing that this fucknut has read at least one of his works, and then, in a stunningly ironic turn, sterilized and blandified the very conclusion that Murakami came too.

    What a prick.

    Now, back to your occasional sexual thoughts about other women...


  2. Ok, so we should rewrite the bible so it's more "intersting" and more people will want to follow it?


    um, ok I'm sure the religious groups will go along with that one...

  3. So, um, wait. I'm happier and easier to get along with (well, in general. Less so for roving evanglists) ever since I got rid of the religious narrative. And I've enjoyed the hell out of finding a new life narrative.

    Does this mean there's something wrong with me? Oh, wait, belief in god is the only way to have a narrative. That means that...I'm god!


    Now that we've cleared that up, I, too, would like to learn more about your occasional thoughts about other women. And, y'know, I'm god, so you have to do what I say...


  5. I think that makes me a god, too, so we're going to have to have a holy war.

    My prophet will be born of not only a virgin, but a virgin kangaroo. And she won't walk on water, she'll walk on a slight cushion of air at all times. Beat that!

  6. Bible 2.0 (revised edition)


    "Is anyone actually going to believe this shit?"

    And we can safely let the fundies fill in the rest. :-)

  7. "I think that makes me a god, too, so we're going to have to have a holy war."

    My most holy Great Bunny says he'll take the winner =) (and he hopes it's the kangaroo)

    Speaking of "occasional thoughts about other women" You look pretty hot in your smrt pic ;)

  8. oh, dear, did i make you sin? ;)

  9. it's ok, I'm very good at repenting :)

  10. Another long, strange trip inside a "Christian" person's need to feel persecuted in order to validate his worldview. Of course all the Secular Student Alliances are insidious groups which encourage students to become nihilist psychopaths. They certainly can't be just groups of normal people who have all chosen to base their personal life narratives on something other than religious myth. Because if they were, Sam Buntz couldn't feel like a courageous warrior for goodness and truth when he opposes and denounces them. He'd just feel like an asshole.

    So they simply have to be insulted, demonized and equated to evildoers of every stripe. It's exactly what Jesus would do, if he were here. After all, Jesus' favorite thing to do was condemn people for straying from religious orthodoxy. Wasn't it?

    Oh, the sarcasm. One day it will kill me.
    But not today.

    Anyway, in addition to all his other stupid, I resent this guy's derisive words on D&D and Magic: the Gathering! Just because I haven't got a group of real-life friends interested in having me write them up a dungeon, or enough extra money to keep up with the latest Magic type-2 tournament environment, does not mean I'm not still into those games! In fact, my current favorite webgame is based straight up on the D&D rulebook. Even if it isn't an officially licensed Wizards of the Coast franchisee.

    That aside.

    From now on, when I have sexual thoughts about other women, I will be sure to include PF now and then. :) Your brain is as hawt as your boobies, m'lady, and in my imagination we will have lovely times.

  11. I'll second Kerri on that one:

    PF's quite the combination of hilarity, cynicism and aesthetic ace-ness.


  12. oh, dear, did i make you sin? ;)


    Acusing ME of not thinking would be akin to accusing Pat Roberson of not preaching or James Dobson of not being a red neck or Lou Dobss of being smart.

    As for the sexual thoughts, well...I may be overly active in that department.

  13. as your number one and most highly devoted cyberstalker who bought you a nifty book (an email your thoughts on the rest of it, when you get a chance, i'm curious. i *think* i picked a book you would really enjoy...)i now stand up and *DEMAND* my place at your right hand as your High Priestess and General in Charge of All Our Massive Glittery Invisible Pink Unicorn Calvary. Beam can take the infantry, as a Lieutenant General, and EternalCritic would probably be wonderful, as Major General, commanding the artillery and "special forces" (this means sappers :D ) and they can both be Priests. but *I* am THE *High Priestess* and Genersl in Charge!
    our TOE might get tricky, but i guess its my job to reruit cannan fod - i mean, the enlisted and NCOs.

    in the real world, i have a question for the poor sap whose article/paper/blow/whatever the it was you just destroyed.
    the logic goes something like this, if i am following correctly.
    without God in our individual personal lives, we are all inherently unworthy and full of nothing (not even our physcical guts, not to mention the intangible "guts" like decency, ethics, courage, compassion (and gods how i wish the majority of *any* Christians had these - especially that empathy.)

    so, these wankers claim,only those with "God" in their lives have all this
    and then they attempt to convert us, over and over with the following [paraphrased] "look, If God exists but you say he doesn't, you go to hell. if you say he doesn't, you have a shot at heaven. and in th unlikely chance that there s no God, it doesn't matter. but you should alwasys believe in God even when you don't"

    which means that they are not just telling people they are scum if they don't believe in (the correct) God, they are saying that if you should "convert" anyway, even if yu don't believe in god, and pretend to believe. so that nstead of a prison going out out and learning how to make hir life (and principles) as good as they can be, you should *NOT* do that and give your all to the sky-daddy you don't believe - which means that not only are you not improving those ares of your life yourself, nut NEITHER is the god who you can't "let in" because you don't believe in them.

    this is why this argument is SOOOOOOOO wrong - it presupposes that atheist *DO* believe in god (no matter WHAT atheists say) and that this will "fill" those "holes: once they stop lying to themselves or something.
    but that "void" is never filled in those people who *try* to convert, but still don't believe in God - how can it? so you are WORSE off...

  14. ah, my dear, all the glittery pink unicorns are at your disposal. (and a uniform with epaulettes!) i was also thinking of shiny, purple pegusi just for fun.

    cleaning the house in prep for crazy big barbaque. more later.

  15. epaulettes!
    my life is now complete :D

    (also, wow, the typos i had. i am very sorry about that, i was trying to finish in a rush...)

  16. also...

    can i have narwel whales for the Navy?
    (i used to think (because of the movie "The Last Unicorn") that all the Unicorns had run off to get away from Man and had become narwel whales - so they fit the theme!

  17. Narwhales are cool! and I own that movie ;)

  18. Kerri i am jealous!

    for the wonderful job of perpetrating the *JOY* of the bestest unicorn movie *ever*, i now promote you Brigadier General, and you shall command Our Shiny Purple Pegasus Air Force!

  19. actually, can someone help me?

    is it Narwel what, Narwhel whale, or just NarWhale?

    i always thought it was Narwel Whale, but someone corrected me on a different site saying NarWHel Whale. and now Kerri is saying "NarWhale"

    PF, being God, you need to make a decision here so that i may appropriate structure Your Navy

  20. Well, acording to Wiki, it's narwhal, which is kinda weird if you ask me :) here's a little info..

    One of two species of whale in the Monodontidae family, along with the Beluga whale, the narwhal males are distinguished by a characteristic long, straight, helical tusk extending from their upper left jaw. Found primarily in Canadian Arctic and Greenlandic waters rarely south of 65°N latitude, the narwhal is a uniquely specialized Arctic predator.woohoo Brigadier General! How did you know I always wanted to join the airforce, never thought I'd be able to do it with flying horses, extra bonus!

  21. haha! i am psychotic! erm, wait... not, i am phychic! something like that, anyway :D
    also, i am an Air Force brat, so of *course* i have to take care of that *giggle*

    "narwhal". well... i could have looked that up myself, why do i never think to that? when i used to own the Encyclopedia Brittanica, i *always* looked my own stuff up. the intrawebs has made me lazy. thank you. you are right, that is very odd.
    also, upper *left* jaw? i thought it was centeredl how very odd. i wonder why it is like that *wanders off to research* if i am going to make this the RPF Navy the best in the world, i need to understand these things...

    seriously. i am going to figure that out. it seems really odd that a trait like a horn would be lopsided like that - it makes more sense for it to be centered, or one on each side. new real life project!


  22. heh, you will find out that some on occasion do have 2, and that on very rare occasions, females have them.

    I always thought it came from it's own spot, I never realized it was a "tooth" ;)

  23. thats all very interesting.

    i am now going to use Narwhals as *proof* of evolution - if somBeing created the earth and everything on it, said Being would have either balanced that horn in the middle or given all (male, at least) Narwhals 2 horns for that symetric looks. however "symetric" is spelled, anyway.


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