This Is Not A Poe - Part III

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Today we review the Oklahoma GOP's Party Platform 2009's stance on religion, because no GOP anything would be complete without glorifying evangelical Christianity.

First up is a complete misunderstanding of history:

1. Our Founding Fathers based our Constitution, the Declaration of Independence, the Bill of Rights, and our early laws on the Bible and on traditional Judeo-Christian ethics and values. We believe these documents are the basis for law, order, and behavior, allowing individuals, including government workers and officials, the freedom to involve God in all activities according to their conscience.

actually, US jurisprudence is based on English common law, not the bible. As virtually all crimes in the bible are punishable by stoning, I would think that was fairly obvious. It is appalling that politicians, you know people who vote on laws and stuff, don't have the slightest idea where our laws come from.

2. We believe the religion clause of the First Amendment was meant to protect an individual’s freedom of religion, not remove religion from public life.

good for you, GOP. you know who's in charge of interpreting US law? The Supreme Court. Here's what they have had to say about the issue.

4. We oppose any government oversight, harassment, licensing, or taxation of religious institutions and their ministries. did they just say that religious institutions and their ministries should be entirely removed from the law?

5. We support retaining the religious significance of national holidays and the display of religioussymbols in public places and oppose the removal of such. i have no problem with this. however, if my (atheist) money has to go to buying creches and such, then their (christian) money should go to buying jewish, muslim, hindu, etc. symbols.

7. We strongly support retaining the phrase “One Nation Under God” in the Pledge of Allegiance. you mean, the words that were added 60 years after the Pledge was written? those words?

I'm not sure why this isn't included in the religion section, but the first statement under "general" invokes sodomy. yes, sodomy.

1. We oppose the promotion of homosexuality, the elimination of laws against sodomy, and the granting of minority protection or special status to any person based upon sexual preference or lifestyle choices. the GOP: We're In Your Bedrooms Now!

2. We believe that homosexuality is not a genetic trait but a chosen lifestyle. the GOP: Get Back In the Fucking Closet!

6. We support programs including faith-based organizations that promote traditional marriage,marriage enrichment, abstinence education, and encourage responsible parenting. the GOP: We Don't Care What Works!

7. We call for individuals, families, churches, and private organizations to take responsibility inmeeting the needs of the citizens of the community. the GOP: We Don't Like Helping Poor People- You Do It. (or not. whatever.)

8. We encourage rigorous enforcement of all anti-pornography laws. Government agencies ortax-supported institutions, especially libraries and public schools, should not provide access topornography and should provide adequate Internet security to prevent such access. actually, i do see this as a GOP issue. after all, the more conservative the state, the higher their usage of porn.

9. We affirm the right of private associations to admit or deny membership based on what that association’s conscience dictates. translation: if you don't want to let those dirty mexicans, jews, n***ers, bitches or f*gs in, you don't have to.

next comes the most insane thing i've read in a while:

12. We believe that government should not fund any organization that opposes the ideas andprinciples contained in the Republican Platform.

that's right kids. we are country of liberals, conservatives and everything in between, and even conservatives don't all agree with everything in this manifesto, but the government should not fund anything that disagrees with what is stated here.

think about that: no ACLU, no more pap smears for poor women, no funding for colleges with even vaguely liberal leanings.

that's just batshit crazy. and that's the party platform.