In saying hello to my little friend sparky, The Woeful Budgie came up with a new game: Threatening Fundy Mad Libs.
You see, after trying to convert me (possibly to Islam, maybe to Hinduism) with the standard raytarded fallacious arguments, sparky resorted to the equally standard "I'll get you all, my little pretties!" threat:
Here's the basics: God is God. There you go. It doesn't mattter what you think. It doesn't matter that you're an Atheist. It doesn't even matter that you're extremely smart and logical! The fact is that one day you WILL DIE. And one day you'll stand before God and in all your ignorance say, "I don't believe in you." And guess what? God will reply, "It doesn't matter that you don't believe in me, Personal Failure, I'm still here, and eternity is here..."
As the Woeful Budgie demonstrates, simply replace the words in red with the same part of speech, and you have a threatening fundy mad lib.
Here's the basics: Hill-Rod is Hill-Rod. There you go. It doesn't mattter what you bang. It doesn't matter that you're a spork. It doesn't even matter that you're swimmingly quaint and squishy!The fact is that one day you WILL EMASCULATE. And one day you'll kick before Hill-Rod and in all your tediousness say, "I don't believe in cocaine." And guess what? Hill-Rod will reply, "It doesn't matter that you don't believe in cocaine, Personal Failure, I'm still awesome, and eternity is tropical..."
Let the conversion hilarity begin!
Here's the basics: Allah is Allah. There you go. It doesn't mattter what you eat. It doesn't matter that you're an idiot. It doesn't even matter that you're insufferably arrogant and delusional! The fact is that one day you WILL DIE. And one day you'll fall before Allah and in all your ignorance say, "I don't believe in faeries." And guess what? Allah will reply, "It doesn't matter that you don't believe in faeries, Personal Failure, I'm still flaming, and eternity is fabulous
ReplyDeleteeternity: get your sequins, cause it's one big, long gay pride parade!
ReplyDeleteHere's the basics: God is No-one. There you go. It doesn't matter what you think. It doesn't matter that you're a Christian. It doesn't even matter that you're fundamentalist and pious! The fact is that one day you WILL DIE. And one day you'll lie dead before your relatives and in all your ignorance you will no longer be able to say, "I don't believe in you." And guess what? It doesn’t matter. God will be dead, too, and won’t be able to reply, "Ah! What an idiot, where did you get the idea that imaginary friends are real, Christian, I still don’t exist, and your remains are already decomposing.”
ReplyDeleteI love how they seem to know what we'd do if/when confronted by some sort of god being. I just maintain what I told my Christian friend,
ReplyDelete"If your god is the true god and my father then as his daughter I have some major disagreements on how he runs his household. And as his daughter, an adult grown up who can think and choose for herself, I have a right to disagree with my dad."
Bottom line is, authority to do something doesn't make that something right or the best choice. Despots only think their every decision is perfect and best for everyone else.
Here's the basics: God is a woman. There you go. It doesn't matter what you think. It doesn't matter that you're a man. It doesn't even matter that you're extremely bigoted and intolerant. The fact is that one day you will spontaneously change sexes. And one day you'll stand before Goddess and in all your confusion say, "I don't believe in transgendered people." And guess what? Goddess will reply, "It doesn't matter that you don't believe in transgendered people, Personal Failure, they're still here and eternity is one big orgy."
The fact is that one day you WILL DIE.
ReplyDeleteScience and technology have knocked down one religious clichê after another; it won't be long until that one goes down too.
Awesome idea, and props to Budgie!
ReplyDeleteI have a further suggestion, however. In my years of experience writing and using mad libs (a good skill for long car trips!), I have formed the opinion that they are most fun when the person filling them out does not know the text.
So next time you come across a cruelly patronizing bit of propaganda, would you consider making a list of words for us (verb 1, proper noun 1-3, adjective 1-4, etc), and then putting the results together in a later post?
@Fiat Lex
ReplyDeleteI agree that Mad Libs are funnier when the person doesn't know the text, which is why I basically did what you suggested. I posted to Twitter a list of appropriate parts of speech, and had a list of fabulous replies within minutes. (It helps that my cousins are both a) perpetually connected and b) huge Mad Lib fiends. All they asked in return was to be able to view the finished product.)