Sunday, October 31, 2010

Here's Two Good Reasons to Have a Baby

"Um, don't you usually tell me to stay away from the stove?"

This one seems a little too aware of his fate.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

I Kid You Not

I just got done raking leaves. Which is a little odd, because not only are there no trees on my property, there aren't any trees within 150'.

Friday, October 29, 2010

41% of NonChristian AF Cadets Report Unwanted Proselytizing

Speaking of the First Amendment (aren't we always?):

An Air Force Academy survey found that 41 percent of cadets who who identified themselves as non-Christian said they were subjected to unwanted proselytizing at least once or twice last year.

Overall, 19 percent of all cadets said they were subjected to unwanted proselytizing.

That number should be zero, but things are looking up.

[Lt. Gen. Michael] Gould, who was not at the academy at the time of the 2004 survey, has made it a priority to improve religious tolerance, launching new programs and frequently reminding cadets, faculty and staff of the need to respect others' beliefs, or lack of beliefs.

In August, when he described the latest survey in general terms, Gould said the results showed fewer cadets felt pressured to participate in religious groups than in previous surveys.

The documents obtained by the AP appear to support that contention. They show that the percentage of Christians and non-Christians, including atheists, who felt pressure to get involved in religious activities declined, compared with a survey in 2007.

Huh. That's funny. The evangelical Christian Commander in Chief leaves office and religious pressure within the military eases. Imagine that.

For You, and You

Somebody needed this today. And sometimes my blog is just for them.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Why Does Building Up Men Inevitably Mean Tearing Down Women

I am highly suspicious of anything that calls itself a "men's movement", probably because this [trigger warning: rape] calls itself a "men's movement", as well. Yet again, I am right to be suspicious.

The Christian Men’s Network will be putting on a conference designed to serve as “a radical revolution calling men to a higher standard of masculinity.”

Men from around the world will converge in Dallas, Texas, next week to learn how to be “a real man.”

Oh, yes, "real men". You know that's just going to be horrible. I have promoted my concept of femininity here before, but in case you're new, I believe that anything a woman does is feminine. So a woman playing hockey is as inherently feminine as a woman baking a cake while wearing a pink dress. Whatever floats your boat. I feel the exact same way about masculinity. Anything a man does in inherently masculine. A man baking a cake while wearing a pink dress is as masculine as a man playing hockey. Men are, by definition, manly.

Ergo, we don't really need to teach men to be manly and that's not what they're talking about, anyway. What they're really talking about is teaching adults to act like adults, i.e., fulfill obligations responsibly. Is there some reason we can't say that without invoking adulthood as masculine and femininity as lesser?

Apparently not.

Cole says he bases this movement on Timothy 2:2.

“Paul commanded Tim , find faithful men and teach them and they’ll be able to teach others. What God is looking for is what every woman is looking for – not a man of great power, but a man who will be faithful. When we develop faithful men, we develop mature men,” he said.

Are men not looking for faithful women? Are women looking for nothing else in men? Is faithfulness really the end all and be all of maturity, and if so, why is not the end all and be all of maturity for all adults, women and men alike?

All I can conclude is that women aren't ever really mature, no matter how old they are. Women are children forever.

The younger Cole explained that there is a need for teaching leadership and maturity in culture. In dealing with various cultures around the world, he finds that maturity in men is lacking across the board.

Women are either not a part of culture, or not in need of possessing leadership and maturity.

“The issue in our culture today is the immaturity in our men,” he noted. “To be a real man is to be more like Christ. Jesus was a strong man; he wasn‘t a wimp man, he wasn‘t a feminine man, yet he was highly compassionate. The stronger a man is at the core of his character, the more compassionate he can be in the outreach of his hands.”

*sigh* The "wimp man". The "feminine man". Because strength and maturity are the traits of men and femininity is weak and to be despised. Immaturity is bad in men, and to be expected in women.

Every damn day. Every damn day girls in our society are exposed to this message, that strength is for boys, leadership is for boys and "girly" is an insult.

Every damn day.Every damn day boys in our society are exposed to this message, that strength is for boys, leadership is for boys and "girly" is an insult.

It's just as bad for the boys as it is for the girls, and it's just as bad for the adults they grow up to be. I'm all for adults acting responsibly and fulfilling obligations. I'm all for fathers fulfilling their parental duties. I just don't think it needs to be accomplished by means of degrading women and forcing a particular gendered ideal upon us all.

Fun with Tracts (not tracks, that's a whole 'nother blog)

Let's have some fun with tracts, shall we?

The earth, the earth, the earth is on fire.

Basically, this tract is the really small print version of, "Did you see that movie? It had planes and floods and stuff and that guy who held a boombox over his head? See, I'm all hip and stuff and I believe in Jesus! Doesn't that make you want to believe in Jesus?
No. And that movie was hilariously bad, though I am very fond of John Cusack, and his sister, Joan. (She was not in that movie.)

"Hi. I'm death and I think I'm lost. I'm supposed to be on an album cover from 1986. Hey, is that guacamole?"

Death! It's scary, but very polite. And scary. Really scary. Believe in Jesus!
You wouldn't believe the options Adobe Photoshop contains! Look at this perspective thingy!

Sentence fragment. Unrelated thought. Something unrelated to evolution. Something explained by evolution. Look, I found a dictionary! The Bible! Believe in Jesus!
Other than providing people like me with amusement, what do you suppose the purpose of tracts are? I can't believe anyone is swayed by small print tripe like this.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Stomping Women's Heads is Tea Party Approved

Clearly, she is assualting his foot with her head and should be punished.

If you haven't heard about this yet, a member was attacked by a Rand Paul supporter. Specifically, she was dragged to the ground and stomped on. Yes, a man stomped on her head. And yes, it's totally cool to stomp on a woman's head if she happens to be liberal.

Hateful Person #1 God bless Rand Paul! Just another examples of the gays trying to obtain special rights. HELLO MoveOn!!! If you storm a U.S. Senate nominee...YOUR ASS IS GONNA GET STOMPED! I hope this situation is symbolic of the "stomping" that the liberals are going to get when Rand and Ron are running this country!!! In all fairness...,the insane"woman" who was detained to protect Dr.Paul,was held down by her back,not her big fat head!

See More 17 minutes ago · · Flag
    • Hateful Person #2 I did notice that in the video. What they called stomping on her head was his foot slipping off her shoulder, he moved it promptly upon it slipping.
      12 minutes ago ·

    • Hateful Person #2 Also, IF she was 'for real' the WHY was she wearing such a large wig? (the kind used to disguise appearances)
      11 minutes ago · 1 personLoading... ·
    • Hateful Person #3 EXACTLY! Her defense was that she was "presenting him with a fake award". What does that even mean? If this was a Dem nominee that was stomed by a protester and detained...well,it would have a totally different spin on it. She had it coming to her! Nothing done to her was out of line or abusive!
      7 minutes ago ·
    • Hateful Person #2
      For those reading this post that don't know to what we are referring--- On watching the video again, I will admit that the guy with his foot on her shoulder WAS being a big forceful (she wasn't to get up), so he shouldn't have pushed down (stomp?) on her shoulder like that. I do hate to sound like I am judging from appearances, but with her hiding behind a wig, and her "butch" haircut, I am wondering if she is a lesbian, and maybe that is why she was detained....I don't know anything about this "award" that she was supposed to be presenting him....they "took her down" for a reason, and I would like to know why/what it was before I would make a final judgment on this.See More
      6 minutes ago ·
    • Hateful Person #3 That is very fair and honest of you Hateful Person #2! I think she was hiding the butch haircut under the wig because she knew her appearance would hinder her protest by drawing attention to herself.
      46 seconds ago ·

So, let's review: The Tea Party approves of assault. The Tea Party feels that if you are assaulted, you need a defense. The Tea Party approves of dragging a woman to the ground and stomping on her head. The Tea PArty feels that "detaining" lesbians is entirely justified. The Tea Party feels that all women with short hair are lesbians. The Tea Party defines "fair and honest" in way that the dictionary would not approve of.

The Tea Party makes me sick.

Oh, yes, the country will definitely be in a better place once these people are in power.

Republican Sex & Marriage Advice

Do you have questions, Republican questions, about sex and marriage? Well, you're in luck! Chip Womack, whose extensive business expertise qualifies him as a thera- wut?

Chip Womack is a lifelong Republican and businessman. Chip founded a thriving fiber optic cable business dedicated to unlocking the potential in neglected forestland, and he is a consultant to municipalities on issues of strategic recreation and/or the reuse of reclaimed mines. In his spare time, Chip applies commonsense business solutions and golf principles to couples in distress and in doing so has developed a reputation as a community leader.

What the hell is wrong with Republicans? Why do they believe that business experience qualifies you for absolutely everything? "Hi, I founded ebay, I'd make a great President!" "I ran a fiber optic cable business, therefore I am automatically qualified to give psychological counseling." "Sure, you could go to a neurosurgeon, but I worked at Lehman Brothers, I got this." Honestly.

So, let's see what sort of "distress" experience in fiber optics qualifies you to handle.

The 3rd kind of sex. I'm not entirely certain what the first two kinds of sex are, but the "3rd kind" is anal. And it's wrong.

My wife wants my son to learn science. It's not the Republican way.

I have pain during sex. Because when one is experiencing a medical issue, one should ask a businessman, not a doctor!

and, while it isn't the answer to a question, watch Chip encounter hip hop decades after the rest of the world.

Seriously, Republicans, if you're going to mock yourselves, what will I have left to do?

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

I Don't Owe You a Smile

I'm in a bad mood.

The truth is, I am rarely in a bad mood. I might snark out on a regular basis, and my sense of humor lands somewhere between wry and dry, but I don't generally do bad moods.

Today, however, I am in a bad mood.

Yesterday and today have been very irritating days, the kind of day where every little thing goes wrong, and every task takes twice as long and everyone wants everything and nobody can help. The weather isn't helping, either. Sudden weather shifts give me migraines and make my joints scream. Oh, and I didn't really sleep last night.

So, to recap, I'm tired, I'm in hideous pain and I'm just fucking annoyed about everything. I'm being as pleasant as I can be, but quite frankly, I want to slap you. All of you. I want to slap everyone in the entire world. (This will take some time, so please wait patiently.)

I am in a bad mood.

You know what makes my bad mood worse? Being told to smile. Look, I don't exist to please you, okay? I'm sorry my neutral lips make you sad, but fuck off. Please, please, please stop requesting that I smile. My emotions are not yours, not a reflection of you, not about you. Yeah, that's right, I'm not all about you. Shocking, I'm sure, but you'll get over it.

I don't owe you a smile, now back the fuck off before shit gets real*.

*I have no idea what that means. I'm old.

We Need More Iron Chariots

God can create the universe, but this little bit of technology is too much for him.

I've figured out how to make God stop punishing us with tornadoes and hurricanes and flooding. (Apparently, God can't just send a swarm of locusts to one person's apartment, he needs to take out an entire city.) It's right there in the Bible: iron chariots.

Judges 1:19

And the LORD was with Judah; and he drave out the inhabitants of the mountain; but could not drive out the inhabitants of the valley, because they had chariots of iron.

So, if you want to make your house safe from acts of God, just park an iron chariot in the front lawn. God is powerless before them.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Stop Dressing Like a Terrorist! (I mean you, JBiebs)

The most famous of all terrorist fashion statements, at least in the US, is the hoodie, as made famous by Ted Kaczynski, who was also attempting to popularize unkempt hair and beards, apparently. Unless you want people to think you are a terrorist, you should probably get rid of that hoodie and cut that hair.

Timothy McVeigh, American terrorist, preferred a more groomed look, and white T-shirts. If you don't want people to think you are a terrorist, grow a beard and don't wear white T-shirts. Maybe you shouldn't be a man anymore, as well. Just to be sure.

Andrew Joseph Stack III, frequently referred to as a "tax protestor", flew a plane into a government building. Clearly terrorism. He favored plaid button downs. Remove any plaid button downs from your wardrobe immediately if you don't want to freak people out on planes.

Hutaree, famous for a multipart plot to kill police officers by the dozens, made it just threatening to be a woman as a man, by including a woman in their group. They preferred to wear colored T-shirts and camouflage.

So, just to review, if you don't want people to mistake you for a terrorist, shave your beard and cut your hair, don't be clean shaven, don't be a man, don't be a woman, don't wear hoodies, don't wear plaid button downs, don't wear white or colored T-shirts and don't wear camouflage.

Oh, wait, silly me. All you have to do is not be brown in America. American nonMuslim terrorists don't exist, you see.

But You Already Knew That, I'm Sure

Attorneys for nearly 150 people who claim sexual abuse by Roman Catholic priests made nearly 10,000 pages of previously sealed internal church documents public Sunday . . .

I can't say these documents reveal facts that I find surprising, but the tone of some of the letters is disturbing to say the least.

"In early August 1963, Father was placed under arrest by the civil police of the City of San Diego for violation of the State Penal Code," then-Bishop Charles F. Buddy wrote the Colombian bishop in the Diocese of Cali. "At that time, arrangements were made between this Chancery and the civil authorities of San Diego in which, if Father left the United States with the promise never to return, the charges against Father would be set aside by Civil Law."

How would solve anything? They simply moved him to a different parish, a parish that presumably also had children in it, unless Columbia was devoid of children in the mid 60s. Oh, wait, the aim of the Church wasn't to protect children, it was to protect itself.

Church files indicate he also served in Florida and Texas before arriving in the San Diego diocese, where he worked with migrant workers in the Coachella Valley about 150 miles southeast of Los Angeles.

"You have won a reputation as a zealous worker and devoted to the poor," Bishop Buddy wrote the priest in a December 1962 letter.

"On the other hand, the 'incidents' at Indio were more serious than first presented to me, especially inasmuch as the police have made a record of them. You know how word gets around, so that you be certain that the police here will be on your trail. ... It will be more prudent and more secure for you to return to your own diocese."

You know how word gets around?! That's the issue? Not that children were molested, their entire lives scarred by the actions of a monster, but word, it'll get around. And that's what's important here. Children? Unless they're in the womb, fuck 'em. Literally. Feel free. The Church will hide you. So as not to make a fuss.

Another case outlined in the files involves the Rev. Robert Nikliborc, who was sent to a psychiatric treatment facility in the 1950s after the diocese received complaints, then became director of a Roman Catholic residential facility for troubled boys called Boystown of the Desert in Banning, Calif.

I'm trying to imagine the Church's decision making process here. "Hmmm, we have a residential facility for troubled boys, who should we put in charge? Oh, I know! The known pedophile. Nothing can go wrong there!"

The papers also contain documents from the files of Rev. Anthony Rodrigue. In 1976, a group of parents at Rodrigue's parish in Heber, Calif., complained he had molested their children, according to court documents.

The priest was sent to a psychiatric facility in Massachusetts for treatment but was put back in ministry despite the recommendations of those who treated him.

Really, the only conclusion one can draw at this point, from the Church's actions, is that the Catholic Church is an organization devoted to giving pedophiles endless access to children to molest and then protect them from any consequences.

And the faithful pay for it. Lovely. They should just be honest with themselves and start giving cash to pedophiles directly. Cut out the middleman.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Friday, October 22, 2010

The Bible Proves God Is Not Omniscient

The first game of hide 'n' seek didn't go so well.

Do you ask where people you can see are? Look at the person next to you. You can see them, right? You know exactly where they are. Do you feel any need to ask them where they are?

Why does God do it then? More than once, God, who is supposedly all knowing, asks a question he ought to know the answer to.

For example, in Job 1:7, he asks Satan,

And the LORD said to Satan, “From where do you come?”

and Satan replies,

So Satan answered the LORD and said, “From going to and fro on the earth, and from walking back and forth on it.”

That's a weird little exchange when you think about it. If God is omnipotent, he doesn't need to ask where Satan came from. I can't imagine why God would feel compelled to make small talk, especially with Satan.

Satan's reply is odd, too, assuming God was omnipotent and Satan knew God was omnipotent. (It's the sort of basic information you could expect Satan to be in possession of.) Think about my example. If the person sitting next to you asks you where you are, do you say," Right here where you can see me," or do you say, "What the hell are you asking me that for?" Satan just answers the question, exactly the way I would if my husband called my cell phone and asked me where I was.

Consider Adam and Eve, and the fact that God lost track of them in the Garden of Eden. That's right, omnipotent God couldn't find the only two humans on the planet. Humans lacking any technology or skills that would allow them to travel any farther or faster than, well, a human on foot can travel.

Genesis 3:8-9

8 And they heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God among the trees of the garden.

9 Then the LORD God called to Adam and said to him, “Where are you?”

That's right, if God is looking for you, just hide behind a tree, and don't answer when he calls for you. Hey, if Adam had taken my advice, we wouldn't even be here. He and Eve could still be hiding behind trees while God attempts to trick them into playing Marco Polo.

Picture: The Expulsion of Adam and Eve from the Garden of Paradise by Alexandre Cabanel

The Erotic Apocalypse

This is the apocalypse. Less explosions than I would have thought, actually.

The fact that women are half of all workers (we're half the population, it's about damn time) fills some people with hope, others with despair and still others with . . . really kinky fantasies, apparently.

From the Thinking Housewife, I give you the Erotic Apocalypse*.

THIS AD appears in the latest issue of Fortune. The slogan is “Women as half of all workers changes everything.” That’s true. It does change everything, including the hearts and minds of women. The women in the foreground of this ad appear aroused. They appear to be on the verge of an erotic apocalypse, as if they will gaze from the pinnacles of power with moans of ecstasy. Notice how the morning sun rises in the background. They carry severed heads in their handbags.

Um, okay, let me wipe the sticky from the monitor . . . There we go. I guess lots of things are in the eyes of the beholder, because I'm not seeing arousal, excuse me, arousal, or severed heads. Really, who puts a severed head in their handbag? You're never getting that clean. I prefer to use a reuseable grocery bag, personally.

*Much sexier than the Zombie Apocalypse.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Atheist Battle Strategies Against Christians

Made ya look!

(if you haven't read this post at Pharyngula, it might make more sense that way.)

It appears that the Christians have found us out, fellow atheists. They have discovered the Atheist Battle Strategies Against Christians. First they found The Atheist Agenda and now the Atheist Battle Strategies Against Christians. I don't know who keeps carelessly leaving SuperSekret Atheist Materials(tm) out where Christians can find them, but when I find that person, you will be forced to listen to Christian Rock until you beg for mercy. And then we'll make you watch Fireproof.

Anyway, since the mailing list is a little out of date, and the Christians have the Strategies anyway, I thought I'd go ahead and share them with you.

1. Boobies. We all know the merest glimpse of the female form is sinful, so full on cleavage is our best weapon. (Does not cause earthquakes.)

2. Logic. It's truly unfair how we insist upon logical responses to questions. No True Scotsman? A stroke of genius! Circular Reasoning is the atheist's cruise missile.

3. Science. This one took some doing, but setting up a system that requires reproducible, verifiable, falsifiable results is a winning strategy if I ever saw one.

4. The Internet. All that information, just a click away. Genius, guys, genius.

5. Liberal Christians. We really can't take credit for these. Contrary to rumor, the Slacktivist is not an atheist operative. He's just a really nice guy on a mission to make the world a better place.

So, feel free to guerrilla up that bitch with some logic and science on the internet, comrades.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Oh, Yes, Christianity Isn't Misogynist At All

Hey, it's Biblical.

I lurve it when Christians deny what's in their own book. Genocide? Don't be silly! Incest? Well, that's not promoted or anything. Misogyny? Hah! Christianity did more for women than any other movement, including the feminist movement.

I was unaware that "shut up when the men are talking" is a feminist message.

1 Corinthians 14:34,35

Let your women keep silent in the churches, for they are not permitted to speak; but they are to be submissive, as the law also says. And if they want to learn something, let them ask their own husbands at home; for it is shameful for women to speak in church.

Well, that's a feminist message if I've ever heard one! No, wait . . .

Okay, that's one passage in a really big book, let's see:

Ephesians 5:22,23

Wives, submit to your own husbands , as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.

Huh. Submission to men. Not exactly doing anything for women. Okay, then:

1 Timothy 2:11-14

Let a woman learn in silence with all submission. And I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man, but to be in silence. For Adam was formed first, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression.

Women are to blame for everything! And can't have authority. Or teach.

Look, if you're actually reading the Bible, it's deeply misogynist. Women, when they are even mentioned, and more rarely, named, are either entirely to blame for a man's problems, or praiseworthy for being silent and taking whatever they are given. Feminism, it's not.

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