Monday, December 29, 2008

Literally True?

Fundagelicals will tell you that the bible is literally true. Every word is meant exactly as it was written, to be taken as the absolute, true word of god himself.

This can make for some amusing conversation. Try it sometime.

Who was Jesus' grandfather?

MAT 1:16 And Jacob begat Joseph the husband of Mary, of whom was born Jesus, who is called Christ.

LUK 3:23 And Jesus himself began to be about thirty years of age, being (as was supposed) the son of Joseph, which was the son of Heli.

Jacob or Heli, well, one of those.

Jesus equal to God or Jesus less than God?

JOH 10:30 I and my Father are one.
JOH 14:28 Ye have heard how I said unto you, I go away, and come again unto you. If ye loved me, ye would rejoice, because I said, I go unto the Father: for my Father is greater than I.

Who was made first, the beasts or man?

GEN 1:25 And God made the beast of the earth after his kind, and cattle after their kind, and every thing that creepeth upon the earth after his kind: and God saw that it was good.
GEN 1:26 And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.

GEN 2:18 And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
GEN 2:19 And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.

How many animals were on that ark?

GEN 7:2 Of every clean beast thou shalt take to thee by sevens, the male and his female: and of beasts that are not clean by two, the male and his female.
GEN 7:8 Of clean beasts, and of beasts that are not clean, and of fowls, and of every thing that creepeth upon the earth, GEN 7:9 There went in two and two unto Noah into the ark, the male and the female, as God had commanded Noah.

Bats are not birds, unless you're christian!

LEV 11:13 And these are they which ye shall have in abomination among the fowls
LEV 11:19 And the stork, the heron after her kind, and the lapwing, and the bat

DEU 14:11 Of all clean birds ye shall eat.
DEU 14:12 But these are they of which ye shall not eat
DEU 14:18 And the stork, and the heron after her kind, and the lapwing, and the bat

If you happen to be a christian, rabbits chew their cud!

LEV 11:6 And the hare, because he cheweth the cud, but divideth not the hoof; he is unclean unto you.

Insects that worship Jesus have 4 feet!

LEV 11:21 Yet these may ye eat of every flying creeping thing that goeth upon all four, which have legs above their feet, to leap withal upon the earth;
LEV 11:22 Even these of them ye may eat; the locust after his kind, and the bald locust after his kind, and the beetle after his kind, and the grasshopper after his kind.
LEV 11:23 But all other flying creeping things, which have four feet, shall be an abomination unto you

Yeah, that's fun. So, the next time someone witnesses to you, ask them about these little problems. Be sure to write down the chapter and verses, though, because fundagelists rarely ever read their bibles, so they won't be familiar with them.

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