Tuesday, December 16, 2008

The Millenial Reign

Ok, if you're not familiar with premillenial dispensationalism (I linked you to wiki to keep the crazy from seeping in too far), the basics are thus: faithful are whisked up to heaven (naked!), 7 years of really bad shit for the rest of us, then satan's rebellion is crushed for a 1,000 year reign of the Psychochrist(tm), then satan is allowed to rebel again (yeah, I dunno) and then . . . something.

So here's the charming visions of the 1,000 year reign of the Psychochrist(tm) from the RaptureReady message boards.

I have often wondered what everyday life on Earth will be like during the Millennial Reign of Christ. How different will it be? How similar? Will there still be fast-food restaurants? Banks and credit unions? Or will there even be a need for money anymore? Would there still be entertainiment in the form of television, movies and theater? exactly what television and movies would be considered godly by these people? Touched by an Angel? as for theater, no. too many gays in the theater, and they're all in hell at this point, so, nope, no more theater. If so, what sorts of shows would people see? Only religious fare *gagging sounds*, or would some of the classics such as the works of Rodgers and Hammerstein or the operettas of Gilbert & Sullivan still be performed? What sort of work will those of us who have been raptured be expected to do? Teach? Inspire? describe the job of "inspiring" to me, please Gardening? Physical labor? in a freakin' utopia? i live a life of repression and boredom and all i get to show for it is 1,000 years of physical labor? satan sounds better all the time. I have no doubt we will have a degree of supernatural power (instant teleportation from place to place perhaps?) uh, yeah. sure. watch me back away slowly., so how will those abilities be utilized?I don't expect anyone to have any sort of definitive answer. The Bible is totally silent about this (save for the final outbreak of disobedience at the very end when Satan is once more set free still not sure why). I just find it fascinating to speculate on such things, even though I'm sure I'm dead wrong about everything I've ever come up with in my mind's eye.Any thoughts? Or am I treading on thin ice here? god forbid you question or imagine. it's wrong. it might lead to sex and sex leads to dancing!

wvborn56 replies: I don't even have a clue what I would like to do if I even had the choice. In fact I am hoping I don't have a choice. I trust the Lord to assign my duties much better than to choose myself. because what i want most in life is not to ever make a decision again, forever. surely someone who reads my blog can hook me up with satan's email address.

mswilso says: One thing I know for certain will be different. Instead of a Democracy, it will be a Theocracy, with Jesus the King as ruler of all! whoooo. Just thinking of the implications of that make makes. makes! my heart soar. For example, you know how people can go for years while they wait for trial and sentencing. the wheels of justice and all that. No more with that. no more justice? Jesus will "rule with an iron scepter" you'd think with everyone getting golden mansions that the Psychochrist(tm) could have a nicer scepter, and you can bet that any necessary justice will be meted out faster than Chuck Norris ever could when chuck norris jumps into a lake, he doesn't get wet, the water gets norrised. Very quickly, IMHO, people will start to get used to God's idea of "fair and balanced"...hheheheh yeah, i don't like the sound of that.

Not long after the beginning of the Millenium, I believe that people will start to live up to their true potential, unhindered by greed i very rarely engage in greed, except when it comes to pistachios. i cannot control my love of pistachios., lying i tell white lies, cheating nope, stealing never!, or any vices such as gambling i'd rather spend the money on clothes or video games, drinking to excess not in 9 years, prostitution whoa!, or organized crime uh, what?, or sin in any shape or fashion. mind you, the people in heaven, or wherever, at this point are god's chosen people. this is how mswilso sees his fellow christians. Yikes!

It will be a truly utopian society, in my opinion. what, without prostitutes and organized crime? That doesn't mean that sin won't be present isn't Jesus roaming around with an iron scepter?, but sinful actions won't be tolerated in Jesus' Kingdom. don't like the sound of that, either. But I believe Grace will still abound she is kinda fat, huh?, and it will be amazing to see in action Grace/Mercy/Justice as provided by the Prince of Peace. who's walking around with an iron scepter.

Not Perfect But Forgiven apparently can't wait for his turn at middle management: Very true. With our new bodies and sinless natures if i'm not going to be engaging in really hot, totally amazing [censored] with [censored] what do i need the new body for?, we wil be much wiser than in our earthly forms or just really boring, and we will know MUCH more from our 7 years spent in Heaven waiting for the Psychochrist(tm) to get with the exploding of the rebellious. When the Millenium starts, I think alot of raptured people will be in admisitrative roles, teaching, counseling, etc. that's my reward for the most boring, repressed life ever lived? middle management? seriously? Some glorified people new bodies? may be sent to help build, since they will most likely be much stronger than normal people and can lift and carry more so middle managment or pack mule. The thing is, we won't be living on the job site who does?, but will be commuting back and forth from the New Jerusalem where our mansions are the golden ones. with 82.5 rooms. The views we are going to see on the way to work will be stunning! I can't wait! i can.

RRuth is obssessed with the inane: It's always refreshing to hear people ask questions like this. or something. I've spent my entire life, asking these questions and have gotten the strangest looks from professing Christians i bet. Many act surprised at the thought of Heaven no, they're surprised at your amazing stupidity and probably insanity. there isn't a christian alive surprised by the idea of heaven. Some seem to not care about Christ coming, or where we're spending eternity. more like, they have actual things to think about, like paying the electric bill, and how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? My most recent questions to a surprised Christian was, "So, WHAT KIND OF FOOD why was she shouting?, do you think we'll be eating at the Marriage Supper?" Think there will be CHOCOLATE?

RRuth also has peculiar hopes for the cuisine of the future: Before man's fallen state, we (including beast just the one?) had feasted upon HERB why Herb and not Charlie? What about Bob? I think she means "herbs" or possibly vegetables. Either way, hell sounds better and better. I bet they got steak down there. I haven't seen any indication to us eating flesh in our glorified bodies. The lion will be feasting upon herb herbs, godamnit, herbs! again too. Ooops, sorry, I hope you don't mind hearing for eternity, "eat your vegetables!" ;-) they'll be the only thing available, apparently.

No Bandwagon Here seems to be conflating the reign of the Psychochrist(tm) with several bad scifi movies and the Cthulu mythos: I think meat will still be eaten, but it would come from the sacrifices that will still be done.why would sacrifices be done during the millenial reign? and what does he mean by "still"? I'm not performing sacrifices, are you?...I am not a big veggies guy, but I could handle the fruit. Just think, if we can teleport apparently, anything you say on this board becomes fact. i wish i had such a superpower. , that would reduce the need for heavy equipment such as trains and aircraft to transfer materials. Also I think our jobs would be related to our peculiar ? perception of how the world works now. I am not sure how to explain it but imagine our Lord pairing up believers from different time/technology periods to overcome a problem encountered while rebuilding the earth why is the lord having a problem rebuilding the earth? he made in 6 days, right?. The implications make my head spin! right there with ya! Imagine working under or with Adam with his pre-programed knowledge base uh, what? Adam didn't know jack shit until he ate from the tree of knowledge, and after that, his sole contribution to the world was a loincloth. what wondrous technology!, and him asking us our opinion based on our modern day knowledge base....what an honor! oh, yeah, that's right. Einstein won't be available. he'll be with me in hell. apparently with the xboxes and the gays. Personally, this melding of technologies is where I believe the solution to the energy crisis will come from for the millinium. Why. Would. There. Be. An. Energy. Crisis. Imagine being in the audience of the new food channel show Cooking with Eve ok, that would be kinda cool. She will have recipies for foods we have NEVER heard or seen!! Wow....I am sooo looking foward to this.

Immeningen says: Why would life be much different? because it's freakin' utopia! Except perhaps for what the Bible does say, that the King will rule with a rod of iron where is the good here?, and there will be a population explosion ouch!, man will still have to work tell me again why i lived such a boring life for this, there will still be the seasons, and a time for planting and harvesting, etc. a time for sorrow a time for joy, a time for a girl and a time for a boy, a time for silver and a time for gold, a time for a secret that's never been told. Basically very similar. Yet somewhat unknown to us. you'll notice the gays when they're gone.

AbidingHope commits the cardinal sin of english with: Some of you guys have some wonderful ideas! You’ve made me smile while reading this thread. But in my view I see the world reverting back going back back? that drives me crazy to what God intended it to be in the first place. all powerful god couldn't keep the world the way he wanted it? really? he creates the whole freakin' universe in 6 days and he can't maintain a fucking . . . . garden. I don’t think there’ll be planes, automobiles, modern cities and technology and all that stuff anymore. I think it’s going to be VERY different than what it is now.

BelovedChild has quite the unusual checklist: I think that it may be a more agricultural type of society. Remember the passages about planting your own vineyard etc. Ancient Israel was very largely agrarian. prior to the industrial revolution ALL SOCIETIES WERE AGRARIAN. hello! So was the Garden of Eden. no, it was a fucking garden. I think that people will be very much into arts and crafts done by hand. be still my beating heart. This would be fun. if hell is the opposite of heaven, i really want to be there. Imagine learning to weave your own designs in material, make you own pottery. no, that doesn't turn me on. There could be a barter system. you know, or not.

I would imagine the arts too would flourish, and be available to everyone. like they are now? it's called the interwebs. you want to see picasso paintings? type in picasso. Music, painting, scupture, dramatic arts no theater, the gays are all in hell. Possibly good and excellent musicals which exist now not without the gays, or the great Oratorios by the great music masters like Handel, maybe some composed by great Biblical heroes. who were known for their Oratorio skills? Who knows? hopefully not you.

I would like to think that communities would be small enough that we would all know each other everyone who ever had an impure thought is in hell. i think you'll all know each other. all two of you., somethings like old villages or small country towns. There would have to be lovely gardens, etc.I am also pretty sure that we will be following the Jewish calander and worship festivals. why, aren't you christian? I wonder if we will be able to keep a version of Christmas, but celebrated on His real birthday. in heaven, with jesus? i would think so. healthy sports too would flourish. unhealthy sports being? Maybe the great cricket team with all the heavenly greats v the living. oh flying spaghetti monster, the madness has infected england! Must have the cricket.I would also like to have beautiful long hair, with floral ornaments and red shoes. yeah. why don't you just buy red shoes now, grow your hair long and put some flowers in it? seems like you don't have to wait for the rapture for any of those things.

The Lone Soldier asks: I wonder is the world will be oxidized, like it probably was before the flood? If it is then that means we could grow to be giants and never get tired. ummmm . . . oxidation is a chemical reaction ranging between metal rusting (slow oxidation) and fire (fast oxidation). how would that make us grow to be giants and never get tired? If he is referring to a higher concentration of oxygen in the atmosphere, that wouldn't make us taller. I mean, i've gotten straight oxygen up the nose at the hospital a couple of times, and i'm still short.

That's exactly as much of that crazy as I can take, but I do have to say, no video games in heaven, no heaven for me!

1 comment:

  1. Followed your link from Slacktivist to here. Great post, although I'm fairly appalled by the RR fundies, and not in the usual way.

    I mean, today I stumbled home from work, late, freezing, starving, and the only thing I had the energy to make was Hamburger Helper. Not generally my thing, but what the hell, I'm late/freezing/starving/etc. I read the instructions and immediately thought "Hell, no, I am not eating something that consists entirely of hamburger, noodles, milk, and emulsifiers." After adding enough vegetables and flavor to make it palatable, I wondered to myself who could possibly stomach plain Hamburger Helper.

    Now I know: these people. Here they are, speculating about the nature of an Earthly paradise, the best they can imagine is so... banal. You'd think people so adamantly opposed to this world would have a better picture of what it would look like perfected.


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