Friday, February 20, 2009

Atheists Really Like Pancakes

comfort, ray, evolution, evangelical, evangelism, evangelist, christian, bible, god, jesus, witness, asshat, stupid,
Let's review Ray Comfort's* latest screed against atheists, from (I'm not sure why, but he was a guest blogger on zimbio on February 2. I guess Shakespeare's mythical monkeys were booked.)

The Miracle of Atheism

by Ray Comfort

I was a pastor for three and a half years. Three and a half years in the Bible is the time of tribulation. I honestly don't know what he's talking about. Premillenial dispensationalists believe that the Rapture will happen (god whisks the faithful heaven bodily- and naked!) then there are 7 years of tribulation, then . . . well, then it gets really weird from there. somewhere in those 7 years is a 3.5 year drought. maybe that's what Mr. Comfort is referencing. I disliked the experience intensely. probably not enough money in it. not a lot of fame, either. I didn’t like being trapped between four walls listening to people unload their problems those damn parishioners, expecting you to listen to them! how dare they!, and it was a breath of fresh air when I began to get invitations for me why would you get invitations for anyone else? to travel and speak. it would be a little odd to get invitations purely to travel.

It was the publication of my first book in 1977 that opened doors for me. My Friends Are Dying: the causes, the effects and the cure to drug abuse. The documentary, I can't find any mention of It was about drug abuse, and it was eventually made into a documentary. When I sent my cameraman to get some B-roll he captured a fight between rival gangs. They were using knives and axes, axes? really? axes? more than one? i can see one crazy asshole showing up with an ax, but several? and the footage was immediately seized by police and used as Supreme Court evidence.

I suspect this to be a lie. A really big lie. I just went through every Supreme Court case from 1977-1979 and could find no mention of such a case. Maybe, just maybe, Mr. Comfort is referring to the Supreme Court of California, which is entirely different from "the Supreme Court". Even so, that seems unlikely. Supreme Courts don't hear cases involving drug possession and assault with a deadly weapon. Cases only go the a supreme court on appeal, and appeals have to do with procedural issues, constitutionality of a rule or law itself, that sort of thing.

The ensuing publicity and the inclusion of the clip in the film generated national publicity, and over 2,000 showed up for the premiere (over 1,000 didn’t make it into the theater and a second screening had to be hurriedly arranged). Again, I can find no mention of this incident or the documentary at all. The itinerant ministry was also helped by the fact that for 12 years I spoke almost daily at what was called “Speaker’s Corner” in the heart of our city. Does Mr. Comfort ever give specifics? What city? There were always atheists in the crowd, and they were always vocal, perhaps spurred on by a T-shirt I wore that said, “I don’t believe in atheists.” yes, Mr. Comfort, I will grant you your ability to gain attention. 2 year olds are really good at that, too. It was my continually addressing the issue of the existence of God that lead me to publish a booklet called The Atheist Test no, it's not. it's your inexplicable obsessive hatred of atheists that led to that ridiculous booklet. , that was a simple test that showed the atheist that he didn't exist. no, it didn't. duh. i'm an atheist. i exist, ergo . . . dumbass. It sold more than a million copies.

Late in 2007, a courageous Christian dropped a handful of these booklets at a gathering of staunch atheists. wow, he's even more courageous than firefighters running into burning buildings or soldiers going to battle. dropping booklets on a table and walking away is just the height of courage. These people were so committed to the belief that God didn’t exist they met once a month at the local IHOP (International House of Pancakes) at the John Wayne Airport in Orange County, California.

what? stop and think about that. christians meet between once a week and every day in churches. jews meet once a week. muslims (i think) meet once a week. book clubs meet at least once a month. wow, they're the most dedicated atheists i've ever heard of.

When they found out that I authored the booklet, they kindly invited me to join them for dinner on January 8th, 2008. at the IHOP? They requested that I get there an hour early to “set a baseline,” because some of their members “do get a bit hot-headed when discussing religion.” nice of them to warn you. I accepted their invitation and decided to take my manager with me. you needed your manager in order to informally discuss religion with a group of atheists? really? Mark Spence is the dean of the “School of Biblical Evangelism.” he's the "dean" of an online, unaccredited course in evangelism. dean. seriously? does Mr. Comfort ever say anything that's entirely true?

Before we went, I received permission from them to also take a handheld camera. I was determined not to go there to win an argument, but to simply show that I deeply cared for them as people, nope, nothing Mr. Comfort says is entirely true. which commandment is that, Mr. Comfort? as most atheists in this category what category? pancake eating atheists? have the impression that Christians don’t like them. because of asshats like you, asshat.

We arrived about five minutes early, shook hands and sat down. why do I care that everyone arrived 5 minutes early? wait a minute, one paragraph ago, you were supposed to get there an hour early. so, you were actually 55 minutes late. After the orders were taken, I quietly approached the waiter and told him to give me the bill for the entire party. When he brought it to me I was almost shaking with excitement.why? If someone had tried to take it off me I would have physically fought them. weird. I felt like I used to feel with my kids early on Christmas morning. again, why? When they found out that I had personally paid the tab they were very grateful, polite, pleasant, kind, and extremely thankful those pathetic atheists and their cheap, cheap ways.(see 1 Peter 2:15).

For so is the will of God, that with well doing ye may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men: basically, Mr. Comfort is using a bible quote to demonstrate that most people are polite enough not to be rude to the guy who paid for their meal, but he's also calling those same people "fools". sorry, Mr. Comfort, if the price of the meal is you calling me names, I can damn well pay for my own meal.

The experience was a highlight of my life. you have children, but forcing atheists to be nice to you by paying for dinner is a highlight of your life?! Then about ten of us huddled around a table and talked about the things of God for about an hour. It was up close and personal. Mark Spence answered every question and objection they had, calmly and eloquently. I took copies of my new book, How to Know God Exists, and all the folks at our table wanted one (it’s a strange feeling signing books for atheists) who are somewhat like humans, but not quite. Then we posed for pictures, and left, almost bursting with joy after such a wonderful opportunity to meet and talk with these dear people. and the smarmy meter hit 10!

moving along to completely unrelated events that make Mr. Comfort look cool:

I am very fortunate in that I co-host an award-winning television program with actor Kirk Cameron. It’s in its third season, is aired in 70 countries, and is on 31 networks. why doesn't he ever give people fucking names! It's called The Way of the Master and has won The show has won the National Religious Broadcasters' People’s Choice 2004, 2005, 2006, and Best Program, 2005 and 2006. it's not a freakin' Emmy, Ray. This has helped to raise my profile (not my popularity) in the atheist community. actually, i had no freakin' idea that this show existed. your profile in the atheist community is high because you continually insult us and tell credulous idiots that we're immoral psychopaths. thanks for making children afraid of us, Ray. asshat. On one of our programs, Kirk and I took an orangutan to lunch to discuss the subject of evolution. you brought a wild animal to a restaurant for what? I also called eight major airlines and asked if I could take an orangutan on board a plane with me, because he was a “relative.” you bothered innocent customer service representatives, who make a little more than minimum wage, with this ridiculous request? to say that you deliberately misrepresent evolution is to say that water is wet, Ray. Every one of the airlines said that he had to go into the cargo hold. Needless to say, the program isn’t very popular with atheists. and would you enjoy a TV show that insulted christians nonstop? of course not. However, these things (and the fact the ABC TV hosted a debate between Kirk and myself and two atheists NAMES!) have given me some sort of reputation Jeffrey Dahmer also had "some sort of reputation", and they daily frequent my blog and bombard me with questions. wquestions like "Ray, I've explained this 76 times already and you still tell the same lies. Do you just not read the comments, or are you deliberately lying?" Some of them boil with anger, others mock, and some are polite. almost all are polite. much more polite than Ray. But all of them obey the rules and make sure that they give God a capital “G.” If they don’t, their comment is deleted. my comments almost always get deleted. and I capitalize god, bible, and jesus and i don't use curse words.

In a day when the foolishness of atheism is gaining credibility with so many again with the namecalling. asshat., I thought it would be unique and extremely beneficial to publish questions that were asked by these atheists, along with my answers i could have come up with those answers by randomly combining Jesus, God and pray in a Mad Libs fashion. As soon as I had that thought, there was a big bang, and out came the book. Amazingly, the text fell together, the page numbers fell in line, it bound itself, the cover designed itself, and then out of nowhere a title evolved: You Can Lead an Atheist to Evidence, But You Can’t Make Him Think. Incredibly, there was no author, no printer, and no publisher. It was a modern miracle. What sort of crazy person would you think I was if I said that nobody wrote the book? That really is crazy-talk. So why would anyone give any credibility to an atheist? *sigh* that's just insane, doesn't address the Big Bang theory at all, doesn't address evolution in any substantive way, AND if Ray did read the comments on his blog, he'd know better.

*Why do I harp on Mr. Comfort so much? Mr. Comfort despises atheists. One would think atheists broke into his house, burned it to the ground, then stood outside and laughed while anally raping his grandmother and pouring sugar into the gas tank of his brand new SUV. It's unhealthy how obsessed he is with atheists.

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