Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Evil, Child-Hating Non-Women

I have to thank [censored] for sending me the link for this article. It is indeed ripe for deconstruction. Actually, it's ripe for a little carpetbombing, but I don't have nuclear capabilities.

I don't have children. This is by choice. (In the interests of full disclosure, my medical problems would make a pregnancy potentially deadly, but I didn't want children before that, and I still don't want them.) I have no intention ever having children. This does not make me sad.

It also doesn't make me evil, selfish, child-hating or a non-woman. I love children. I have 11 nieces and nephews, and I love them all. I spend as much time with them as I can. (It's a lot of time.) I have watched Dora and The Suite Life with Zack and Cody more times than is reasonable. I know all about the Jonas Brothers, and I throw a baseball reasonably well. I have taught cartwheels and cleaned up puke and changed countless diapers and consoled the recently dumped. (My husband and I are both the 3rd of 4 children, so some of my nieces and nephews are adults now.)

Why don't I want children? I don't know. Before I got sick, I wasn't afraid of pregnancy. (Well, no more so than anyone who's never been pregnant.) I'm sure as hell not trying to maintain my figure. (Both my sisters and my mother had rockin' bodies after their pregnancies. I wish.) I'm not trying to maintain some sybaritic lifestyle. (again, I wish.) I'm a legal secretary, so it's not like I'm trying to further some fantastic career.

I just don't want children.

Why should I have to justify this? Do I need to justify everything else I don't want to do? Every movie I don't want to see, every book I don't want to read, every restaurant I don't want to go to?

Of course not.

Also, and nobody seems to consider this, why would you want someone who doesn't want children to have them? Has anyone with this viewpoint ever considered what would become of those children? Let me tell you. My father loved his son. He wanted nothing to do with his daughters. You want to mess somebody up? That's a great place to start.

On to the deconstruction.

I stumbled upon this disappointing article yesterday while searching for the latest news regarding attacks on traditional marriage and family. Gay people wanting civil rights does not attack "traditional marriage and family". Heteros would remain free to marry and procreate. They just wouldn't be special anymore. Though a bit off the beaten path of my usual focus on the destructive nature of the homosexual agenda gay terrorists will burst into your bedroom at night, forcibly impregnate you, forcibly abort you, and turn your children gay with a single look! Right after they redecorate your living room in an elegant, but modern, style., it still shows a blatant disregard for and misunderstanding of the purpose of marriage. the transfer of wealth and property across generations? The message from the author, a “relationship examiner,” I totally want that title! lends strong support to the Demographic Winter studies not familiar with the Demographic Winter studies? Basically, white people aren't having enough babies, so we will soon be overrun by brown people! Run for the hills!. The idea … No children? No problem. It’s your choice. uh, yeah. unfortunately, if it seems obvious to me . . .

“Few couples today assume that having a child automatically follows a trip down the aisle. actually, i think most couples assume that, at some point, having a child will be involved. most people do want to have children. admittedly, it might happen before the trip down the aisle, but having a child is still a popular choice. Some married couples are choosing not to have children at all. These are personal choices for adults and should be respected.” yeah. but again, if it seems obvious to me . . .

Did you catch that? What? If not, read it again. ok. Absorb it. osmosis? Specifically note the first three words of that tragic first line: something is rotten in the state of denmark? “Few couples today….” again, I call bullshit on that, but whatever. While I agree that the decision to not have children should be a private one between the couple involved apparently not, since you're freaking blogging about it, on the interwebs, for all the world to see, I feel that, overall, the article’s unilateral support for making such a decision is less than objective, and does, contrary to the author’s claim, offer quite selfish reasons for making such a decision. the support does, the article does, or the people interviewed do? they usually interview people who say things like: "I wanted white carpets, so I obviously couldn't have children." they never interview anyone who offers the kind of honesty I did above.

Says one woman of her 22-year marriage:
“My husband and I got married right out of high school. For six years we both went to night school while holding down day jobs.
hardly a good time to have children. After college we spent the next five years building careers. Finally, we got to the point where we were able to enjoy the financial aspect of all our hard work. We traveled good for you, built our dream house good for you; we enjoyed our life again, good for you. Around the time we built the house, we had a heart to heart talk and made the decision not to have children. We do not regret our decision.” well, that's just tragic. tragically tragic.

Work, school, dreams - all selfish desires. dreams! it's so selfish to have dreams! it's selfish to learn things! it's selfish to pay the bills! you're horrible, horrible people! damn you all! (I think I just blew through my allotment of exclamation points for the rest of the year.) I do not say that with derision. yes, you do. you can't call education and dreams- dreams!- selfish without derision. I say it matter-of-factly. you're a crazy, racist asshat. i don't say that with derision, i say it matter-of-factly. that's fun. In these pursuits, this couple thought only of themselves. I'm sure they killed anyone who got in their way. who else were they supposed to be thinking of? There is no thought for the next generation for there will be none. oh, puhlease. i don't know if you've noticed, but there are plenty of people breeding these days. the human race isn't exactly doomed because this couple chose not to procreate. Oh, but the procreating people are brown! This couple betrayed the Aryan master race! the horror! (Now I'm into next year's allotment of exclamation points.)

And what of the idea that those experiences can still be enjoyed, even with children; or perhaps even be enhanced by the presence of children? Working full time and going to school full time cannot be enhanced by the presence of children. Besides, was that even the issue? If you don't want children, don't have them. Just because one person finds their life "enhanced" by children, doesn't mean we all will. I enjoy bananas. (Or did, until quite recently.) My husband does not. Do you honestly think that shoving bananas down my husband's throat will make him like them?

There is no mention made of that possibility with the article focusing instead on assuaging couples’ feelings of guilt and promoting an “eat, drink, and be merry” laissez fair attitude toward the decision to have children. that couple didn't sound guilty at all. I don't feel guilty about not having children. Why should I? oh, that's right-- the brown people are coming! (well, they're already in my family, so I'm not going to get all alarmed.)

“Marriage is the joining of two lives. Husband and wife need not always become Daddy and Mommy. Be realistic about your expectations, your needs, and your wants. After your decision is made, have no regrets. Live your life the way you want it to be, not the way anyone else says it should be.” reasonable advice. it must be wrongwrongWRONG.

I’m supposed to be realistic about “[my] expectations, [my] needs, and [my] wants,” and yet this is not a selfish decision? Really? no, it's not. thinking of oneself is not inherently selfish. Try this. Would you suggest that a woman should never, ever buy clothes for herself, because her children need things, too? Eventually, she will end up naked, which wouldn't serve her children well at all. If you do not take care of yourself, nobody else will do it for you. Therefore, it is you who needs to attend to your expectations, needs and wants. Get to it.The inherently divine huh? when did marriage become divine? I'm married. and unselfish nature of marriage BWAHAHAHAHA. anybody who tells you that marriage is just an orgy of unselfishness until death do you part is LYING. lies in the natural and unselfish potential between one man and one woman to procreate. i'll grant you natural, but unselfish? What if the my only expectation, my need and my want is to procreate? is it still unselfish? should i not fulfill that expection, need, want if it is something i want to do so as to avoid being selfish? Try to avoid logic that is sharp on both ends.

So how is it unselfish, then, to choose not to employ reproductive organs for reproduction? what else would I emply reproductive organs for, exactly? Penises and vaginas are not solely reproductive organs. even ignoring sex, my husband would be hard pressed to pee without his penis. As for ovaries and testicles, they also perform the important task of hormonal regulation, which is vital for maintaining, i dunno, LIFE. the only truly reproductive organ is the uterus, so apparently, the only selfish person is the woman. yeah, it's always misogyny in the end, isn't it?

If forming committed unions and making love is solely for the purpose of satisfying sexual impulses and attractions or for an expression of the devotion between two consenting adults, and children are an afterthought to be discussed and weighed and voted on, what then is the purpose of the uterus, the ovaries, the eggs, the sperm? To procreate, asshat. (and see above about peeing and hormonal regulation) However, just because you can do something doesn't mean you should. Asshat is comparing us to animals. My dog can use his long, sharp teeth and powerful jaws to kill other animals. Given the opportunity, he will. (terrible incident involving a skunk.) I do not, however, choose to give my dog the opportunity to use his teeth and jaws in this manner. He was made for it, but he doesn't have to do it. I do have a uterus. I'm not required to use it. Don't even get me started on the appendix I used to have.

Did God create them, “just in case?” I doubt it. blahblahblah god blahblahblah bible But, in the end, my biggest issue with this article is not the revelation that married couples are choosing not to have children. seriously, that was a revelation? where have you been living? 1150? I was already quite aware of that unfortunate situation. not 1150, Judgmentville! My objections arrive, instead, in response to the author’s attempt to justify and rationalize rather than objectively address both sides of the issue (notice no argument or justification or personal anecdote was offered in favor of having children). why would anyone need to justify or give a personal anecdote in favor of having children? that's by far the most common choice/situation. would you like a personal anecdote about people who wear clothes and live in houses, too?

While the title (“A marriage with or without children – personal choices, no regrets”) would profess objectivity, the content is clearly one-sided. Why is there a need to be protected from commentary by well-meaning family and friends? those people are not fucking well-meaning. they are judgmental asshats. of course i'm sure asshat considers people who call gays promiscuous and immature well-meaning as well. And who better to give advice about the emptiness of life without children than those who have them and cannot imagine living without them? uh-huh. wouldn't those be the last people who should be giving advice on the subject? if you can't imagine life without children, how can you advise people who don't have children? oh, and it's not empty in my opinion, asshat. i'm perfectly happy. Where is the encouragement for thinking and acting unselfishly? as defined by asshat, who selfishly had children because she couldn't imagine life without them. How about addressing the fact that feelings of guilt are often the result of doing something wrong, rather the byproduct of assertions from friends and family, i don't feel guilty. so i guess i didn't do anything wrong. and will go away if that wrong-doing is corrected. so now not having children is equal to say, rape or murder. lovely.

I feel guilty when I spend too much time reading novels while my children beg for interaction with their mother. she admits to being a bad mother? maybe she shouldn't have had children. i don't ignore my nieces and nephews. ever. i'm a better mommy than you! And while society today would attempt to purge my feelings of guilt by telling me that I deserve a break and “me” time is imperative for the mental health of a mother, no, i'm pretty sure ignoring your kids is still bad mommy time. (i mean truly ignoring, not taking a break while someone else watches them.) I still know that the only way to eliminate my guilt is to correctly spend less time with the self-indulgent novels and more time with my children. self indulgent novels? harlequin pornamances, maybe? how 'bout more time with the pornamances and less time with the blog, asshat?

In short, children are not objects to be haggled over. no, they are not, but i'm not sure why you said that. are we off to the subject of child custody? They are blessings. yeesh. Their presence on earth and in society tempers the broiling, selfish Id that threatens to overcome reason and bury us all in over-indulgence and debauchery. wow. so, the only reason people commit crimes is because they don't have children? really? there are no criminal parents? anywhere? Clearly we see that as consideration for i think we need an "as" here the children diminishes, so too, do society’s inhibitions. yeah, the 1950's were perfect because there was no birth control. in 1950, there was no rape, robbery, murder, drug abuse, alcoholism, violence or war. No wait, I've got! in 1950, brown people knew their proper place. That damn birth control pill ruined everything! We would all be wise to think more about the children and less about ourselves. i think in your case, asshat, thinking at all would be wise.



  1. oh.

    fuck her. fuck that. having children, on THIS over-loaded, -stressed, -burdened plant is the selfish choice.

    then again, i think that pregnancy = parasitism. it grosses me out, i would rather have a tapeworm. AND the whole might die bit.
    i have come to the conclusion that fundys WANT me dead in pregnancy.

    no cookies :(

  2. denelian: you're a pagan, of course they want you dead in childbirth. that would be god denouncing your foolish, satan-worshipping faith. just like katrina was a direct hit at gays. yeah. they were all gay. oh, and placentas are parasitic.

    did you know that reproduction is only possible due to retroviruses in our dna? is that not the coolest thing ever?

    ruby: i can't decide if that's a snark, or you're trying to bait me with "you childless, bitter woman".

    i am happy. despite the pain and increasing disability porphyria has forced upon me, i take great joy in living. every moment of every day is filled with the possibility of something fabulous happening, and i embrace that. tomorrow is not a guarantee, god is not going to swoop out of heaven and carry me off to a golden mansion, and i had better enjoy and embrace the moment i do have. oh, and since i won't be meeting anyone in heaven, i'd better love and appreciate, and let them know i do, the people that are here right now.

    /the gospel according to personal failure


Comments are for you guys, not for me. Say what you will. Don't feel compelled to stay on topic, I enjoy it when comments enter Tangentville or veer off into Non Sequitur Town. Just keep it polite, okay?

I am attempting to use blogger's new comment spam feature. If you don't immediately see your comment, it is being held in spam, I will get it out next time I check the filter. Unless you are Dennis Markuze, in which case you're never seeing your comment.

Creative Commons License
Forever in Hell by Personal Failure is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at