Monday, January 12, 2009

How I Really Feel

So, I figured out a way to explain to evangelicals why your witnessing pisses me off.

I know, I know, you're just concerned for my eternal soul. You don't want me to spend eternity being tormented in hell. If you just tell me about Jesus enough, I'll believe and join you in heaven.

Try this analogy and see if it works for you:

I have a disease that requires me to eat ridiculous amounts of sugar. I eat sugar, and pretty much nothing but sugar, all day long. If it's not sugary, chances are I'm not eating it. So, my breakfast ends up typically being something like two glazed doughnuts, a chocolate bar and some cookies.

Yes, really.

No, I will not develope diabetes from this. No, I am not overweight. (Yes, I realize that seems unfair, but I would happily trade you a bunch of your pudge for my nerve damage. No takesbacksies!)

Unfortunately, I am not hungry until my meds kick in, generally around the time I get to work. So I eat this at work. Every day, the managing partner stops by my desk in the middle of this sucrose orgy and chastises me for my eating habits. I don't want to tell him about my illness. It's none of his business. I understand that he is concerned for my health. Having had a quadruple bypass and a pulmonary embolism, I'm sure my eating habits scare him.

So, even though I know that his comments come from a caring place and represent real concern, I wish he would shut the fuck up. Just one freakin' day I would like to eat my sugar in peace.

Did that help any at all?

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Forever in Hell by Personal Failure is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
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