You Might Be an Atheophobe If . . .

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You feel the constant need to denigrate atheists in order to convert them to Christianity. (Not that you'll pay any attention, but insulting people doesn't really make them want to be just like you.)

From "You Might Be a Fundamentalist Atheist If . . ."

You believe the astronomical size of the universe somehow disproves God, as if God needed a tiny universe in order to exist. No, however, the size of the universe does disprove the belief that the universe is only 6,000 years old. I'll try to use small words here. The speed of light is approximately 186,000 miles per second. It takes light approximately 8.3 minutes to get from the sun to the earth. Therefore, when we see a star in the sky, we are actually seeing it the way it was in the past. The further away the star, the further into the past we are looking. (For my more knowledgable readers, feel free to correct me. I make no claims to be an expert in this field.)

From faqs.org:

The most distant object known has a redshift of just over 5. That means that the light from this object started its journey toward us when the Universe was only 30% of its current age. The exact age ofthe Universe is not known, but is probably roughly 12 billion years. Thus, the light from this object left it when the Universe was a few billion years old. Its distance is roughly 25 billion light years.

Cool, huh?

You declare on a public forum that you are "furious at God for not existing." What atheist has ever said this? How could I possibly be angry at a nonexistent entity for not existing? I may as well rage against unicorns and the easter bunny.

You consistently deny the existence of God because you personally have never seen him but you reject out of hand personal testimony from theists who claim to have experienced God as a reality in their lives. And if those theists could give me some proof other than "I just felt him in my heart", I would accept their "personal testimony." Otherwise, that testimony is about as much reason to believe in god as it is to change my favorite beverage or tv show.

You call a view held by less than ten percent of the American public "common sense". Oh, no! More people like Pespsi than Coke! I should change my preference right now! Besides, most people will acknowledge that common sense is hardly common AND I don't call it common sense, I call it rational and logical.

You believe that if something cannot be touched, seen, heard, or measured in some way, then it must not exist, yet you fail to see the irony of your calling Christians "narrow-minded". I do not say that something that cannot be touched, seen, heard or measured does not exist, merely that, as we cannot measure it, we cannot prove it to exist. I can believe in the mighty power of Thor, that doesn't believe he exists, either.

You blame God for the starvation, sickness, pain and suffering in the world...when, indeed, it is MAN's greed, politics, selfishness and apathy that not only causes, but also ignores the sick and the starving masses. We aren't our brothers' keepers....but we should be. Atheists don't blame god for anything- you can't blame what doesn't exist. However, we do find it funny that when something good happens, that's god, but when something bad happens, that's free will. I do agree that we should do more for our fellow humans. That's absolutely true.

You claim that evolution and the big bang are two entirely separate theories that explain different aspects of the universe, yet, in what school of learning can you find any real separation or distinction between the two? just because you don't understand either theory, don't project your ignorance on the rest of us. They are entirely different theories that explain entirely different aspect of the universe. In fact, the two theories are only related in that, in order for evolution to take place, the universe must have started somewhere. Or, the Earth is in the Universe. For more information: Theory of Evolution and The Big Bang.

You descended from apes.(Think about it.) Nobody but the creationist crowd says this. The Theory of Evolution states that apes and humans are related (just look at apes), not that man descended from apes.

You ignore "Time Magazine's" poll, which states that only 28% of Americans believe in evolution. But of course, "Time Magazine" must been run by creationists. Again, I don't care how many people believe something, that doesn't make it true. Slavery was entirely acceptable 200 years ago. Does that make slavery good? And, I don't know when that poll was taken (remarkable lack of links), but a recent poll shows that 49% of USians believe in evolution.

Any scholar who believes in a historical Jesus must be a theist. If they are an atheist, then they must secretly want to be a theist. I don't know any atheists who don't believe that the Jesus in the bible was based on an actual, living person. It's quite a leap from that to messiah, however.

You think Bolshevik Revolution leader Leon Trotsky was a far better person than Mother Theresa. Again, what atheist says this?

When a Christian tells you that in order to fully understand The Word of God you need to open up your heart and allow The Bible to speak to you and to read The Bible by placing confidence in God, you say that the Bible is just a book and that why you don't have to do the same with Harry Potter. Read the bible and you'll believe. Okay, I read the bible, and I don't believe. Well, you need to believe in the bible to read it right. Round and round we go!

You always refer to C.S. Lewis as "that traitor." Yes, and I frequently froth at the mouth about Benedict Arnold, as well.

You complain about desecrating the Koran while holding a burning Bible. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

You believe that any Christian who claims to have once been an atheist is either lying or was never a "true atheist." No, however I do find the near universal claim of "I used to be an atheist like you" very suspicious seeing as how atheists don't number more than approximately 10% of the US population.

You get angry when Christians tell you you're going to a place that you don't think exists. It's rude. Very rude. You enjoy it entirely too much, and, if I started randomly announcing to people that when they die, absolutely nothing is going to happen, I don't think people would see that as a sign of concern on my part.

You're stupid enough to think atheists are treated like second-class citizens. Yet of course, you spend most of your day belittling Christians and other religious people. There is a difference between being belittled and having the POTUS (Bush W.) say that he doesn't belive atheists are citizens. Yeah. Exact quote from W.: “No, I don't know that atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered as patriots. This is one nation under God.” So, why was I paying taxes for the last 8 years?

Yes, I know atheist bashing is such fun, but really, try to actually talk about real atheists, all right.