Friday, April 24, 2009

It's Not Them, It's You

gay, homophobia, homosexual, fail, religion, eutychus, stupid,
Eutychus* commits classic projection in his post, Gay and Alive.

In psychology, psychological projection (or projection bias) is a defense mechanism where a person's personal attributes, unacceptable or unwanted thoughts, and/or emotions are ascribed onto another person or people.

See, Eutychus apparently can't view two men in close physical proximity without thinking about homosexuals. He then proceeds to blame this on gays- they've stolen the word gay!- by quoting a rather oddly worded article that compares gays and incestuous pedophiles. (Yes, we have been here before. It comes up a lot.) Apparently, in Eutychus' little world, men can't even be friends anymore, because people might think they're gay!

Close, intimate male friendship is no longer possible to the degree it once was. And every man has suffered for it. Frankly, so have women.

Here's a little story for Eutychus.

My hubby was involved in a message board disagreement with a poster he'd always been friendly with. The discussion became quite heated, and the poster posted a picture of two men hugging. Hubby shows it to me and says, "Oh, no, I think this guy thinks I'm actually mad at him. Look, he's trying to say we're still friends."

So, hubby replies with, "of course we're still friends. i can disagree with someone without hating them."

Poster replies, "I was calling you gay."

Hubby ends the whole thing with, "Homophobia fail. And, no, we're not friends anymore."

My point? Eutychus can't help but think gay! every time he sees two men walking within 5 feet of one another, and that has nothing to do with actual homosexuals. Hubby would see the same thing and think absolutely nothing of it. The problem is with you, Eutychus, not the LGBT community.

*Eutychus was a boy tended to by St. Paul. He fell asleep due to the long nature of the discourse Paul was giving and fell from his seat out of a three story window. Paul then picked him up, insisting that he was not dead, and carried him back upstairs; those gathered then had a meal and a long conversation which lasts until dawn. After Paul left, Eutychus was found to be alive. This is related in the New Testament book of Acts 20:9-12.

It is unclear whether the story intends to relate that Eutychus was killed by the fall and Paul raised him, or whether he simply seemed to be dead, with Paul ensuring that he is still alive. Recent translations of the text differ on this point.

The name Eutychus means "fortunate".


  1. Slightly off topic:

    It is funny how all these characters in the Bible have names that are so fitting of actions they are going to take. Cain means spear, Abram means father, Adam means dust, it is as if the person was doing a literary device called foreshadowing. Like these were all just stories and not really true.

  2. As for actually being on topic. I am amazed at how many people get freaked by guys hugging. ZOMG they touched each other. If I remember right, early Christians greeted each other with a kiss, KILL TEH GAYZ!

  3. The thing being, the people who want to accept it as fact refuse to understand that, or more often, make excuses.

  4. my family is traditional italian- kisses aren't considered unusual. in fact, some of my relatives don't seem to understand that my pockets are only for my use.

  5. When you gave the example about your hubby I was already thinking on the same lines. Guys physical and emotional relationships with each other aren't about being gay they are about being guys. I have guy friends who are completely non homophobic who are not physically affectionate with guys it is not that they are cold they just don't hug or put their arms around other guys as a habit. I have a friend who is homophobic who is a hugger, saying goodbye? have a hug. Saying good job? have a hug. Are you sad? have a hug.

    I can see how being homophobic could make a guy non physical but it doesn't have to, and it certainly isn't gay peoples fault. If you are that much of a slave to other peoples opinions that you won't hug a friend because someone might think you are gay, you need mental help for your self esteem issues.

    I had the same roommate for ten years. We were and still are as close as brothers. We took trips together, spent our time together, shared the same hobbies, and until we were about thirty we were "a couple." We are both straight and there was never even any sexual tension, we had girlfriends and had heterosexual sex lives and eventually married women.

    It was not unusual for people to assume we were gay. When two guys live together for a decade it is a fair assumption. We didn't go around acting macho and pointing out how straight we were. We never talked about how we hate gays. We usually didn't even go out of our way to correct people. Unless of course those people were women we wanted to date.

    If someone is being limited in their male friendships because they fear being thought of as gay they are hurting themselves. The kind of intense male relationship they are avoiding is the most satisfying thing in the world short of marriage and fatherhood.

    Guys like that should just get over their dependence on other peoples opinions and get a good friend. Having an intense friendship like this is a good cure for homophobia. I can understand how gay men can love each other there is no mystery there. I don't understand being sexually attracted to a man because that isn't how I am wired but I can respect it.

    I pity this Eutychus because he has cut himself off from one of lifes greatest pleasures, the love of a good friend.

  6. It's very sad, isn't it? I feel sorry for men who cut themselves off from the sort of intense same sex friendships women effortlessly enjoy. It must really suck to define yourself by what other people might say.

  7. My kid's father was in a very close frendship with his roommate, so close they were often considered to be a couple. Both were straight, heck, one had a kid. But that didn't stop people from assuming that these two men were gay because they lived together for so long and were so close. My own mother actually thought they were gay and was very worried about the fact that I was dating a gay guy.
    We should really encourage guys to have these friendships, and let guys know that having a close friend doesn't make you weak or gay. It just makes you happier and well adjusted.

  8. I remember I was about twelve when I finally realized that other peoples opinions of me just don't matter. It was a small town and for some reason or another I had gotten on the kid that gets picked on side of the social food chain. I was always either worried about what people would say or fighting people who said something. I found myself conforming to the general stupidity around me.

    At some point I just stopped caring. I did what I wanted said what I wanted and laughed off what people thought. Almost like magic I stopped getting picked on and over the course of middle school and high school I became a well liked and outgoing person, and I did it on my own terms without following the herd.

    I give this advice to my children and my nieces and nephews. Just be sure YOU like who you are and anybody worth being friends with will like you too. It has worked out pretty well for all of the ones who follow it. The one exception is my nephew whos dad is fixated on other peoples opinions and pushes him to fit in. He is the only one with self esteem problems.

  9. No, I have not cut myself off from close male friends either straight or homosexual. Perhaps a closer reading (or any reading) of the article referenced in the original post would shed some light on the position taken.

    Ryk said: "It was not unusual for people to assume we were gay."

    And this comes close to the point of the article. There was a time in this country when it WOULD have been unueual for people to assume you were gay because you had a male roommate. More to the point is the fact that young adolescent males are indeed robbed of close male friendship because of this change.

    Thanks for allowing me my say.

  10. and yet we are constantly being assult with these stupid "bromances"

    ya know, strangly, what i first look for in a guy?
    i look to see if he has good friends; close good friends. the friends you keep tell a lot about you. i would NEVER ever even *sleep* with a guy that didn't have some good, close friends, let alone have a *relationship* with one.

  11. So, what you're saying is Paul and Eutychus were... gay?

  12. eutychus :

    i think you missed a point. those boys, robbed of friendships? they are robbed by *FEAR OF THE GAY*, not by the fact that there ARE gay people.

    if the far right hadn't spent the last too many decades instilling a fear of gay in the country, there wouldn't be this issue.


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