Sunday, March 22, 2009

Saddest and Happiest Thing Ever

lesbian, homophobia, homosexual, gay, pregnant, rape,
I'm not trying to make a point here. I just wanted to share.

I have a lesbian friend (surprise, right?), who has never had sex with a man. (I explain this because plenty of lesbians have had sexual experiences with men, and it's important to know this for what happens next.) About 2 months ago, she was raped. A complete stranger dragged her into the back room at the convenient store where she worked and raped her. That was her one, and doubtless only, sexual experience with a man.

She's 7 weeks pregnant now- and couldn't be happier.

I knew she loved children, I knew she was fantastic with children, but I never realized exactly how much she wanted a child of her own. Unfortunately, she doesn't have the money for IVF or adoption, so she figured she would never get to have a child, that that was something that she would forever be denied. All of our friends have children, and how it must have hurt her to watch everyone else have, multiple times, what she couldn't have once.

Now she will have her rapist's baby and she is thrilled.

I'm thrilled for her, too. It feels wrong to be tangentially happy* that a woman was raped, but life is a funny old dog, ain't she?

ps- I WILL NOT publish any comments decrying her "selfish" choice not to give the baby up for adoption to a hetero couple. It's her baby. Hers.

*by this I mean that I am not happy that she was raped, but she couldn't be pregnant without the rape, so, yeah, I feel weird. Which she is cool enough to totally understand.


  1. That is one of the strangest, saddest, happiest stories I've heard. I really hope that her baby is born and that there aren't any complications.

  2. That's....odd. It's not often that something good comes from rape (although I do think that artificial insemination would have preferable...).

  3. I am happy for your friend's pregnancy. Although I hope they catch the guy. The baby will be her silver lining for having had to deal with a horrible experience. But I am sure she would rather have had it through IVF!

    The irony to me is that anti-gay-parent types like to argue that hetero relationships are inherently more moral than gay ones. How much you wanna bet that jerk--who accidentally produced what will no doubt be a lovely baby--was raised by a straight couple?

    Ah, I don't know where I'm going with this. Condolences and congrats to your friend.

  4. Congrats to your friends. Life is strange, she got something wonderful from something awful. And good for her for seeing it as something wonderful. She seems to have a good mindset, I'm sure she'll be an excellent parent. Good for her.

  5. My friend wanted me to blog about this to remind people that even when life seems at its worst, good things can, and do, happen.

    She is so touched by all your supportive comments, and I thank you for that.

    You should see her with children- she's a natural. In a perfect world, she'd be the one with 6 kids, and all those spreading hatred and fear wouldn't have anyone to spread it to.

  6. ....

    i think what is bugging me is that, except for the fact that it was a stranger... through out history, if you read it closely, you see that MOST women felt that sex was a thing they had to suffer through to have children. its just they were raped by thier husbands instead of strangers.

    i am really happy that you friend is handling this so well, and that she is getting something she wanys so badly. i wish she had notbeen raped, and that IVF had been available to her.
    i pray that she doesn't suffer from the rape (anymore) rape is horribly tramatic; i cannot imagine how much worse it is for a gay woman (or if it is... i mean, i was really fucked up by the fact that the one time i was date-raped, i had REALLY liked the guy. if he hadn't spiked my drink, i almost definately would have slept with him anyway. on the other hand... to be forced to have sex with the wrong gender... i don't know where i'm going here, so i'm going to stop)

    i guess i am worried, on your friend's behalf, about two things: PTSD and any genetic issues.

    other than that, i am really happy for her that she found a silver lining. (and i PRAY that her story isn't taken and abused by the fundy fucknuts)

    remember my mom is an OB nurse practicioner. while she can't practice in PA (where i assume your friend is) she can "chat". so if your friend has any issues or whatever, and can't afford another dr. visit, she can email me and i can call my mom.
    i wish i had more to offer.

  7. I can't decide which would be worse. I mean, she's never had sex with a guy, so she wouldn't be familiar with the mechanics of it, and I would be. On the other hand, I would have to try to have sex with men after that, which must be hard, and she wouldn't.

    It is the sort of thing I wonder about.

    She is getting counseling, and the genetics, well, according to the DA, he can't force the guy to give up his medical history or submit to genetic counseling, so hope for the best.

  8. "DA, he can't force the guy to give up his medical history or submit to genetic counseling"

    that is FUCKED UP.

    i know that the medieval era was, overall, a HORRIBLE period of time.
    but - in Germany (the german states, anyway) a woman is raped, her attacker must either A)if she doesn't get pregnany pay her a large amount of money or B)if she DOES get pregnant, pay child support until child is an adult (inluding things like apprentice fees, school fees, etc).
    why do we not do something similiar? slap the fucker in prison for a decade and liquidate his assets and make him take care of that child?
    i mean, the fundies want people to be RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR ACTIONS, right? its why they are so AGAINST ABORTION, because people should take care of their children RIGHT???

    ARGH. "can't force him to disclose medical history" my ass!
    that whole thing is just fucking EVIL. this guy should have to disclose EVERYTHING, and PAY CHILD SUPPORT until that kid is 18, pay all medical bills for your friend, both due to the rape and from the pregnancy.

    seriously, i am positive that if we made men literally pay for having raped, we would see rape rates drop like lead seagulls.


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